I feel like I am a failure at life, I also feel like I hate myself. Whenever I tell someone that I dislike my life, they tell me, “Oh theres ppl starving living on the streets.” See thats what I hate, when people tell me that. It’s almost like they are telling me that its my job to be happy because I am not that person. It’s hard for me to be happy, to motivate myself, to try something new, or just go out for random things. I always want to be by myself, or at least tell myself that. I get bored with everything, […]
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Job Interviews
Lately I have found myself predicting the outcome of every event.  If the outcome is unfavorable then I simply do not want to be a part of it. For instance, if I meet someone, and I know that they will think negatively about me in some light I do not want to get involved with them what so ever.  I feel like my biggest problem is that I know I will eventually become discouraged about every relationship I have, and because of this I am extremely apprehensive about hanging out with people.
What is most troubling about this is I know people are unpredictable. Â Therefore I know […]
I have been feeling really low for years I am a 5’11 African american 22 year old fat girl I intimidate people so I can understand why some people turn their faces up when I enter the room or when I do something embarrassing why they judge me with their eyes sometimes I want to  take myself out of this world so as to not burden my family. My shameful trying face is my problem its fake to me That face of  mine that tries at life the me that is happy feel like all an act to work for an empty place that never exists and I’m starting to feel like even strangers can […]
Funny how trivial everything becomes when you know you’re going to die. All these things that were once so important… job interviews, finances, hell even wars and famine and disease… are growing so distant, like a tv in the next room. Lately my own voice doesn’t even sound like me anymore. It sounds like the voice of some actor reading my lines. The other day I was talking and suddenly stopped because I sounded so weird, like REALLY WEIRD. Â I asked the other person if there was something wrong with my voice, and she said I sounded fine, politely adding, “maybe the acoustics are weird […]
I’ve always wanted to die, ever since I was a child, I have no idea why. When I was a child and I believed in god, I prayed not to wake up the next day. And yet, I had a normal childhood. It seems that I have a tendency towards depression. Well, the years have passed and I imagined killing myself in so many ways that I can’t even remember them all. Now I’m all alone but I’m fine with loneliness, in fact, I think I want to be alone. I’m sick and tired of this crazy world and all the people, I want a […]