I’m tired of pretending that nothing is wrong with me. I’m tired of hiding my depression from my friends and family. I’m tired of feeling alone. I just want to escape the path I’m on. I saw a boy in my grade succumb to death, and I didn’t even shed a tear, yet I really want to be with him right now. I’m tired of being the perfect girl, and pretending it doesn’t effect me when someone calls me a skank, cause I’m not. I’ve never even kissed anyone. I’m tired of being the pathetic one that my best friend has to console. I’m tired […]
Tag:
kissed
I drafted this awhile ago but then started feeling better. But my depression has re-triggered and it’s stronger than ever. The anxiety pills and antidepressants don’t work. Drinking doesn’t dull the pain, it now only intensifies it. My therapist and doctors try so hard but I see the worry in their eyes because they know they can’t reach me anymore. I’ve run out of ideas and energy, and my life feels empty and done. It’s time to post this just in case. I need MC to somehow discover the truth. If it’s meant to be, he’ll find this someday. He’ll know it’s him. He and my therapist know the story, but […]
When you kissed me farewell,
Your lips left a mark on my cheek.
Strands of feather locks tickled my skin,
And your scent built a nest in my memory.
You took a piece of me with you that night, and it got tangled up in your noose.
The time when I want to die the most is when I think about my friend MC. He kissed me twice, over a year ago, and I’m still so silently, painfully, in love with him over those unexpected kisses. They were unlike any experience I’ve ever had; I felt totally connected to him and complete within myself.
Now he’s getting married to someone else and we barely speak, and my marriage is falling apart for reasons other than MC.
The resulting depression is overwhelming and unbearable.
I keep searching from tarot cards to God to understand why I can’t get over MC, and every time the answer is simply ‘MC is not for you’. […]
This is the third time I post here, and it’s about the same thing. I’m 24, I’ve never had a girlfriend or kissed a girl or done anything with a girl, and I don’t see this changing anytime during lifetime. And no, I haven’t chosen to be this way. It’s not because I haven’t met the “right” girl or because I have high standards. It’s only simply that I’ve never had luck with women. I don’t know if you’ve ever heard of love-shyness or incel, but that’s where I come from.
I’m basically doomed. I’ll either have to live this way and cope in some way […]
Warning Explic… Wait, why the fuck am I warning you people about graphic material? You’re big boys and girls. And if you aren’t I am honestly very sorry you are on this site.
She is beautiful. Oh she is not at her best at this moment, no. She wears no makeup on her face, her hair is simply pulled back in a sloppy ponytail, her nails with polish peeling off, and her outfit a menagerie of the most comfortable items in her wardrobe. Yet this woman is stunning. Her kind smile flashes quickly and easily, her hair still soft and flowing in the wind, her hands […]
I have clothes that remind me of better days,
When I was more carefree and had less of my woes.
I have jeans with rips at the knees,
That remind me of dancing, walking, hugging and fun.
I have novelty socks given to me in love,
From a beautiful mother who I no longer see.
I have hats and scarves that were presents,
From friends and lovers and family.
I have shirts that kissed her and felt love,
That were discarded in fits of yearning passion.
I have shorts that have jumped into the sea with me,
and spent long summers wondering coastal paths.
I am lucky. I have clothes
Every thump of each fireworks sounds like a million bullets in my head because I know she’s somewhere looking up smiling with him giving him the same look she gave me once. I want these lights to stop so I can finally fall asleep. I wish there was something I can take that didn’t make me selfish. I’m so alone so alone in this wretched mind. It’s normal now the pain.it feels normal now. The constant anxiety the constant panic it all seems so..welcoming. I’m dead to her today. I’m dead to everyone. I’m waiting to see how long until my courage builds up enough […]
I don’t have any friends.
I don’t have anyone.
I’ve never had a girlfriend.
I’ve never had sex.
I’ve never had a job.
I’ve never kissed.
I never take risks.
I never try doing something.
I hate myself.
I despise myself.
I loathe myself.
Never asked for this.
Never wanted to be brought into this world.
I don’t wanna live.
I don’t wanna suffer.
People can be happy, just not me.
Life is beautiful, just not mine.
Life has a meaning and a purpose, I’ll just never be able to fulfil it.
I care to what people think about me.
I’m an attention whore.
I want to be accepted.
I want to fit in.
I want to be just like everyone else.
I’m a selfish bastard.
I like to compare […]
I had the most beautiful dream – in it, I sat somewhere.. under a tree or on a bench – I’m not sure
A man sat next to me – I don’t think I knew him, or maybe I did – he slowly leaned over and kissed me ever so gently on the lips. The feeling that came over me was absolute love… there were no expectations, no sexual innuendos, nothing but pure, unconditional love. When I awoke – that kiss fresh on my lips – and found that it was a dream, my heart shattered into a thousand pieces. It was only a dream […]
seems to be a recurring theme here. I’m 22, never had a boyfriend or so much as kissed a boy. I’ve had opportunities, but turned them down for various reasons. Every day I wonder if I would be happier, less suicidal if I was in a loving relationship. Then again, that’s a dumb question because even a stupid little crush is enough to put me on cloud 9. But does it get boring after a while? For anyone in a relationship, do your feelings for your bf/gf/fiancee/husband/wife give you enough reason to go on, day after pointless day? Is it worth it?
I kissed her and I don’t regret doing it for a Goddamn second. I love her and if I get my ass kicked or anything like that for it I’ll do it a thousand times again. She kissed back and it’s probably the best thing that’s happened to me since smileemptysoul. I understand she doesn’t love me. If her boyfriend ever sees this I’ll have my ass kicked. I won’t deny that. I feel better now than I have in a long time. More free, more happy, more alive, than I have in months. She’s taken, and she says she may not have me, but […]
I keep bouncing back and forth on what to think of you. I want to see you for the person you really are. How you avoided me and just walked away when you saw me, how you didn’t come in to pick me up from the police station, how when I pushed you away physically when we were having sex and obviously was uncomfortable, but you kept going, and finally rolled over annoyed, sleeping at opposite ends of the bed, how you probably had sex with other girls while you were doing “business” and crawled back into my bed every single night. The thought of […]
So today my cousin told me that my mentor told her dad ALL the things I told her, IN CONFIDENCE. So that includes me taking pain pills, me cutting myself, me being molested when I was little. All the stuff that’s going on in my home life. She had no right! I am so sad/angry/upset, I don’t know what to feel right now. I told her I had trust issues because other teachers/mentors have betrayed me in the past, and she told me it was between me and her. And then she does this! And what makes it worse was I saw her today and […]
Okay so we have broke up its been a week and a bit and did we just spend the night together? you in my arms, feeling your heartbeat on my chest stroking your cheek, your neck, you. Why do I let this happen to us? I don’t know how you feel but I feel nothing just frozen in place remembering how we kissed and how soft your face was. I need to know was there any feeling? I DON’T EVEN KNOW ANY MORE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Retrograde, I shed up cause’ I can’t smoke inside the house
God I cannot swear your name, damn the damn dentist
Get the hell out of the damned States from America
Kim Jong of Korea got the terminal through his hole
Before I die, before I die; dude, let’s get a hold of the Rodman!
Damn son of a ***** will kill my life, let’s go comrade
But I’m going back to the Europe
France surrendered already, I heard
They’re so, so beautiful, oh this little boy
As I stood by the wall chilling, came up to me
In […]
I don’t know if I’m more mad at him or myself for finally trusting so quickly. Being so naive. Every last bit of my insides are screaming at me. “You’re stupid! You shouldn’t have trusted another human being!”
The basis of what happened? I let this guy in. I met him here at college, confided in him. Showed him my scars. He kissed them. I thought he was growing to care for me. It happened. He got in my pants. He had his way with me and I wanted it too. I believed he would stay when it was all over.
He didn’t. I was damaged as […]
I have to hang in there longer. I just can’t put my dog down or give her away. She deserves to get older. She is 9 and will be really old in a couple of years. Somehow I will hang in there. I don’t like buying stuff, because it just means more stuff that the Public Administrator inherits, but I bought some house plants, put them in pots, and they make me feel better. I get very depressed when a plant dies, though, and I don’t have a green thumb.
So, if you want to hang in there a little while longer, buy yourself a toy […]
now thats a song i could die to thats a song i could cloce my eyes and stop my heart to thats a song i could shut down my braine to and let my taterd sole be huged and kissed by an angel to thats a song that gives me hope in the dark gives a reson to die for me but i whant to be here with her im only going if she goes and hopefuly she whont but if she dose thats what i will go to so i can be held by the mother earth and her so i can smile close […]
I’ve been suicidal for a year now. And well I just recently graduated high school and a lot of things are going really really bad. On graduation day there was a party and I regret going to that party so much. I took my girlfriend with me not knowing that that would be the last time I would ever be with her. The way things went down was that I was drunk and I was not myself being suicidal for a year you feel really good want you to these things. So the thing was that I went to go talk to another girl and […]
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