I don’t know what to do
I don’t know what to say
I don’t know what to hear
Knowing is what I am looking for.
Knowledge is both beautiful and tragic.
Beautiful because there is nothing better than being aware
Tragic, because once aware, can never go back to unknown.
Once you see it, it’s difficult to forget.
Unknowingly happy
Knowingly unhappy
This time of year always fucks me up, the goddamn school year is starting again. I don’t know, when I look back, the year don’t seem so bad but its the before and during that makes me wanna kill myself? If that makes any sense? Like the anticipation of knowing my anxiety levels will be off the roof again? Knowing that I will be aware of every move and word that comes from my mouth? Knowing that nothing really matters yet I fuckin care and make myself think that I need to impress and make sure people don’t get a hint that I actually want […]
Have you ever been afraid of yourself? Knowing that everyday you will just hurt someone else. My life doesn’t just pain me, it hurts others too. I won’t back out this time. I have just lost all sanity. I am fully gone. Nothing is holding me back. Goodbye world, because the hundredth “nobody likes you, go kill yourself” was the last. Now you will say, “what a loser, nobody liked him”.
Into the darkness,I walk alone,
Where all my faith and hopes are gone,
Into the abyss,I jump tonight,
I know nothing ever can be set right,
When I put the noose around my neck,
I can’t take my regrets back,
Why is it so difficult to kick the chair,
Knowing well my freedom is near.
So, I thought that KNOWING would help fix me – turns out, I think I’m drowning instead
I can no longer count the number of friends and family that have committed suicide on one hand.
The pain in knowing i’ll never see these people again is the biggest emotional hurt. I can no longer see their beautiful smiles or hear their voices. I’d like to share one particular suicide which I learned a lot from.
I was 15 at the time. Only 15. We stayed over at a friends house after a party along with many other people. I woke up in the morning to find one of my gorgeous, lovely and amazing friends having hung herself off the deck. To this day the […]
         Everything hurts. The secrets I can’t tell anyone, and no one cares at all. Who do I turn to? How do I say the words to someone, someone I trust, that is going to make them understand? Who would I tell? Who can I trust? How do I get even one minute with them only three days before school is out? I’m going to die this summer. I don’t know what else to do. I can’t stand my life anymore, my mind… I have secrets that are killing me, literally. I’m going to die because I can’t take knowing the things I know. And even […]
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