I can’t take this shit anymore.
I don’t even know where to start my story.
Actually, I’m not going to waste my time typing the story.
I hate my life.
I want to die.
It never gets better
Hello, I’m portuguese, I’m fourteen years old, and I have pretty much whatever a fourteen-year-old kid would want: I have a PlayStation, a PSP, my own laptop, but I still feel like I have nothing.
My parents had a divorce when I was just eight years old, so my mum is allways saying bad things abou my dad, but on the few times, that my dad calls me, to ask if I want to go lunch with him, he never says anything bad about my mum, and that really makes me angry with my mum.
But I don’t think that it was it that makes me feel […]
So last night was completely shitty. As usual I went on a website where I have a fair few friends, and started talking. But, something seemed off about this particular friend, so I told her. She’d said that she was acting like it because she didn’t want me to kill myself [ I had told her of my plan a couple days prior to this and also had the date on my profile for my other friends to see ].
I explained that I was hurting and didn’t know what else to do, to which she replied with she ‘didn’t care’ and said she ‘shouldn’t have […]
She got up and grabbed her things. Escaped to some empty common room, opened her laptop, and methodically pulled that hairband against her wrist.
“Haha you know you shouldn’t do that, it could hurt haha,” some guy says, nodding at her wrist. She smiles up to him and nods slightly. He moves away and she goes back to snapping the hairband. She holds back tears and swallows deeply. She turns on her laptop and reads sad stories, all the while tugging at that damn hairband. People wander past, but none even glance her way. She is alone, lost, forgotten. Her phone buzzes, waking her up from […]
â€œSuicide is man’s way of telling God, ‘You can’t fire me: I quit!’â€
â€• Bill Maher
â€œWhen you’re young and healthy you can plan on Monday to commit suicide, and by Wednesday you’re laughing again.â€
â€• Marilyn Monroe, My Story
â€œWe cannot tear out a single page of our life, but we can throw the whole book in the fire.â€
â€• George Sand, Mauprat
â€œWhat’s the big fucking deal? Lots of amazing people have committed suicide, and they turned out alright.â€
â€• Emilie Autumn
â€œI simply wondered about the dead because their days had ended and I did not know how I would get through mine.â€
â€• James Baldwin
back to where i was a year ago. i remember this place so vividly and it haunts me how late i used to be up just to talk to the people here. it made me feel so much better. i would fall asleep with laptop in arms and when i awoke in the morning, pissed. Pissed that I woke up. Why can’t something miraculous happen while i’m asleep. I could give some terminal cancer patient another chance by leaving here and giving them my time. I always think that. I don’t want to be here but i’m forced to. like putting a boot on a […]
First let me star off by saying that I am not planning on committing suicide right now. I just do not want to get to that point. I do not know how to express what I am feeling, but I will try to the best of my ability to describe it. I just feel lost, I do not want to do anything anymore. I do not want to move anymore, but I do not want to stay still. I want to live, but I do not want to keep trying to endure this suffering. I have a good family and great friends, just my views […]
I found this site about a year ago on my sister’s laptop. She was 15 then, and it was exactly three weeks before her 16th birthday. She’d declined my parents the joy of setting up a “sweet 16” party for her, because she didn’t want to give them the joy of setting it up. Then on her 16th birthday, she killed herself. I never got to ask her about the site, or why she always did everything she could to make our parents angry, now it doesn’t even matter. I don’t know if she had an account, I only know the site appeared on her […]
Sometimes all we really want to do is shut out the world. Crawl into our bed, pull the blankets over our heads, and blast some depressing songs. I can completely relate to this. My parents say that i need to get out more and i need to come out of my room more frequently but my room is my sanctuary. It’s where i feel the safest. My blades, my “Torture Toys”, my laptop, my phone.. these are all in my room.
My boyfriend used to wonder why i dont talk much or why i look sad all the time. he didnt understand that i had just […]
Today my parents are away, so I think I can hang around here not being afraid they’d be peeking into my laptop. And I can ask this silly questing, how do I do it? How do I get diabetes?
And don’t ask what is up with me, ’cause nothing is up. I just still can’t figure out the trick. So many people get it just out of the blue, without ever trying to. I know it has a lot to do with heredity, but not always the case. If it doesn’t run in my family, so I can never get it? I don’t believe it. There […]
Some time from nowhere comes aÂ shiningÂ light. some times, from the strangest places. Â today is just another day,like any other . but a light shined inside my window today ,in the form of a littleÂ penguinÂ who love to surf. and with the will and the faith andÂ determinationÂ over came all odds. Â Â the film was nice i smile and looked at myself , and listen to the closing song on the sound track and heard somethingÂ strange in theÂ Â lyrics. Did i hear it right. I raced to the laptop and found the song and was in shock. to see and hear the words to this song . Â It made […]
I cannont handle this. I am numb and everything hurts. My best friends Â mom just broke his laptop on him so now we cant skype. I love that kid so much. My 16th birthdays in 4 days and I think march 1st sounds like a good suicide date. lets see what happens huh? I dont know anymore. my mind screams ” attempt. attempt. attempt. ” and I never have. Theres a first for every thing right? Ill try to OD and see what happens. I cant take this. Â why am i suicidal? everything fucking triggers me and I am done.
I had this dream the other night. I can tell about it because it was quite detailed and made at least a little sense while most of my dreams don’t. Though I can’t fully figure it out, but I can link it to my daily fears. It will take Â some time to read, I tried to put it as close as I could.
The “action” took place in my home, that tiny apartment on the 5th floor that Â my parents own. Â I was home and they were at work as usual. Time around noon. I sat at our kitchen table watching some crap on my laptop. […]
WOOHOO! Finally, the one thing I have ALWAYS wanted is happening, and for real this time too! My parents are splitting up. I have been, mentally,emotionally, and even slightly physically abused but now it should be over right? Coz finally mum is going to save us from our so called “dad” errrerrrr. This is what happens when you expect to much from life. Life says wooah! Slow down there cowboy, I ain’t gonna let you off the hook that easily! Dad had officially gone crazy. If you’ve ever seen my posts then you will get a feel for how much a Â phsycopath he is, but […]
I can’t believe it.
I’ve survived this long.
I’ve waited all day.
Practicallly gave up on him showing up today. But not even five minutes in of slipping into my bed to sleep, I get a text.
“Hey you,” it says, “Get on.” It’s from a restricted number. I don’t know who it is but I decide to get on anyways. I type in the password to my laptop. The fan is on low and the lights are off. It’s a common bedtime setting for me. Something to listen to so I don’t get paranoid of every little bump in the night. And the blanket to help me dream […]
I guess I’m going to be a regular to this site now. Hello, whoever’s reading this. You’re pain has become my drug. Your pain is softer than my own. I found this site about a week ago, and I just keep coming back. During school at break, at work when I have a minute… and now, when I have to wake up early and go to school tomorrow. I lay in my bed, poised to hide my laptop should my parents walk down the hall. I am here once more. Reading, and commenting, and now posting.
You’re pain is distracting to me. I hope to do […]
Anyone seen Wreck-It-Ralph?
Well, the title’s inspired by it.
Finals are next week. I’m barely keeping up in one class. That class has the E. The rest of them are B’s or higher. Science has never interested me much, and the only time it did was in Biology. That was the only class I liked. And then Accelarated Chemistry this year just tore my mind to shreds.
Just trying to understand the very basics of Chemistry will send me into a suicidal-crying-fit. Now it’s finals, and I still don’t understand 90% of it. I tried to get out of it before, but I couldn’t. So I just tried […]
I attempted suicide last night again.. but as you can tell i didnt succede. I took a handful of prenatal vitaims but just ended up heaving my guts out along with some blood. My dad and i got in a huge fight, cause i hung up on him in the morning while running for the bus.
It got worse when he planned TWO doctor appointments in the middle of my end of course test. I was pissed so i sent him a angry text in all caps. Then when i got home i went to a friends to install a game onto my computer and we […]
As hard as I tried to convince my dad that the woman I love so much isn’t some pedophile, he still wouldn’t believe me. He wouldn’t let me explain all of what I had to say. Here’s what my dad threatened to do. “If you send so much as one more message to her, I will send your psp, your phone, your mother’s laptop, your stepdad’s laptop, and my laptop into the police as evidence against that disgusting pedo so that the police will track their location down and arrest them. I am NOT F****** kidding, I will send you to juvy too if you […]
Fucking anxiety. For fucks sake.
I just had an awful dream. Where one of my biggest fears actually happened. Thats not a first, no. This time it was in my house though. I cant remember if some parts actually happened before, because thats what it feels like, or if its all made up.
I have to pee but its still dark. I woke up about an hour ago. Around 6:10 am. Ive been waiting for it to turn light. I cant sleep anymore because then Ill return to the dream. I actually just got myself to move so I finally got on my laptop. Havent gotten myself […]
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