I do know that there will be people who will miss and judge me. That’s one of the reasons that keeps me from killing myself. But what if I come up with some omnipotent supernatural being for myself? I would then make a pact with it that it will make sure that people left behind won’t judge me, that people will not miss me, that I won’t cause suffering by going away. It works for some religious people. I guess that’s just a thought experiment.
I haven’t fully accepted my depression, sometimes I’m like “maybe I’m just upset about this or this” or “I just need to do more”, but I think the reason can’t accept it is because to me depression feels like being left behind while everyone else is moving on as silly as that may sound. I feel like more awful than usual, I’m not sure if it has to do with the weather getting colder or the unexpected days off from school but I’ve spent most of my days sleeping curled up in a blanket ,awake with insomnia at night ,and eating a lot of junk […]
i’m tired of living. i can’t seem to focus on what i have and what i need to do. objectively i should be happy. i have a job, a roof under my head, food to eat and clothes to wear and yet somehow, i feel like something’s missing. i have no passion to live and i can’t help but feel i’ve been left behind in life. i feel i’ve sacrificed the entirety of my existence fitting into a mold i was given that i never even wanted. never had a real connection with anyone, never been in a relationship, nothing. shallow i know… and possibly not even […]
As my days tick down i grow a little nervous, but at the same time relieved that my suffering will soon come to an end. I’m starting to feel the emotional pain of those left behind and what they will feel. But I’m really not close to my family and have no kids so they will recover just fine. i think they will understand that my mental illness has been too much and the future looks grim. I’m wrapping up final details here and there. tomorrow I get dog his bordetella vaccine so he can be boarded for 3 days till my father picks him […]
Today I picked up a knife and stroked the edge of it. It cut a small line into my fingertip. I asked myself why did you just do that? I didn’t know. I’m not usually suicidal and I definitely do not want to be. My cousin took his own life and it wrecked my family, hurting everyone and separating his mother and father. I guess the reason why was because the past weeks have been rough. Family life is hard because there are few moments of peace and quiet. Everyone is so angry at one another and they yell at me. In school I struggled. […]
I have Asperger’s Syndrome. I have every anxiety problem in the book. I have manic-depression. I am tripolar. I’m afraid of everything. I’m a hoarder.
There are so many things wrong with me, It’s hard to keep track of them all. It’s even harder to keep them under control. With each passing day, I feel my lucidity and self-control slipping away. The worst of it is, most of it’s genetic.
When I was little, I used to bully my little brother. I had no idea it was wrong, because that’s all people did to me. Eventually, I felt horrible for it, and I prayed that it would […]
This is a sad story of a now 26 year old man who was “Left Behind” by everyone. I am sorry, it is a bit long, but I respectfully put it all in one post. If you have these same problems, read this. Especially if you are currently in school.
For those of you who don’t know, I have Depression, Social Anxiety Disorder, and ADD. This story revolves around how I believe that the public schools I went to are responsible for plaguing me with this third disorder – which doesn’t help the depression one bit.
Way back in grade school (jk-grade6) I was having issues with ADD. So […]
I am not perfect. I have many regrets. I have the scars to remind me of my mistakes. I knew a boy in middle school. He was 10 and had beautiful hair. When we were in high school he overdosed. Six months ago, I went to visit my family. I saw my uncle as I was getting ready to go swimming with cousins. He wanted to talk but I told him I had to go. I took a picture with him, went swimming, came back home. A week later he hung himself. 5 days ago my friend put a gun to her head and killed […]
My plan for a long time has been pills and a letter left behind for my family. I’ve never had any specific date and I’ve never known what to take or the dosage or anything like that. I have never gone into specifics with the plan. I don’t know, maybe that’s a sign?
Thing is, every time I come close to figuring out the specifics, something comes up and gets in the way of the plan for a while. Things like my best friend needing me and me knowing that I need to be there for her because she needs a proper family even if […]
I died. It was no accident. I rented a nice hotel room. Then I swallowed a lot of pills that would dissolve my liver and brain. I cut my arms open, and took enough aspirin that nothing but my failing heart could stop the bleeding. And so I died.
Then I met God. He was everything they show in the movies. A giant of a man, long in years, with a flowing white mane and long gray beard. As for his face, no matter how I tried to look at it, I could never quite see it. And he asked, “Why have you […]
If you take your own life my friends…you all gonna hurt many people that you left behind
i dont think it’s right to do that and make others laying sleepless in bed and cry big rivers of tears
if life is mean to you ..be mean back but do not hurt your self …make a plan how you can get the good things in life
i’m sure you have people that loves you and would cry their eyes of if you toked your own life
look at Thobias in this video of mine ..don’t you think he’s worth living a good life and get som love […]
I miss the people who know me. Now I know how it feels to finally see the people I badly wanted to be with because they knew me and then realize that I left behind the ones who really know me for these people who will never understand me or even care to try to learn who I am. It hurts. I thought this is what I wanted but these aren’t the people I grew up with…
I’m home… Fuck it I have no home. I thought I wanted this but I’m still fucking miserable. Guess I’ll never be really happy again. I feel more trapped […]
My Immortal lyrics:
I’m so tired of being here
Suppressed by all my childish fears
And if you have to leave
I wish that you would just leave
‘Cause your presence still lingers here
And it won’t leave me alone
These wounds won’t seem to heal
This pain is just too real
There’s just too much that time cannot erase
When you cried I’d wipe away all of your tears
When you’d scream I’d fight away all of your fears
And I held your hand through all of these years
But you still have
All of me
You used to captivate me
By your resonating light
Now I’m bound […]
I have this friend, he’s awesome. And sometimes I actually let him in, emotionally. I don’t do that to anybody. I hide my feelings fairly well unless instigated. He’s getting fed up with my lack of concern towards myself. I wish I could just be like, “I’m really just venting, let me freak out. It’s fine, I’m not going to cut up.”. But alas here I am, getting all guilted up because I can’t change who I am. I’m completely worthless. Don’t try to tell me I’m not, I know the truth. I can’t literally remember a moment that didn’t end in guilt or shame. […]
Suicide has been very much on my mind for a long time. For as long as I remember, the thought of putting an end to my life would come up whenever I experienced pain, confusion, unhappiness. Pouf! Jump off the window and put an end to all that! That urge to jump into the air remains with me. I do consider other ways of killing myself from time to time, sleeping pills, hanging…hanging particularly appeals to me despite the gruesome sight of someone hanging from a rope. I don’t think I will act on those feelings. I have a child for whom I am responsible. […]
In the deep deep shadows
Of a dark dark night
A girl walks the face of the Earth alone
As if pulled by a string
She doesn’t know where she’s going
She doesn’t know where she’s been
All she knows is what waits ahead
Because of whom she is
People stare
And people mock
But the young one never stops
She know something they don’t know
And something they never will
And so she tarries on
She goes as far as humanly possible
And then she walks some more
For she remembers the tale
She was told long ago down […]
This is not a judgement on anyone’s life or lifestyle.Â
I have noticed how the pro-life people always say that suicide is a selfsh act because it will hurt people who are left behind. Or maybe it will leave certain responsibilities unfinished or undone.  This is true to an extent. What they are saying is that others lives and comfort matter more than yours on all levels and you should bear suffering and responsibility for the sake of others in your life. Except for a little personal pleasure that you should seek out meaning by serving others. It is a vlaid viewpoint.
There are people all over […]
I’m so sick and tired of being left behind.
I don’t really no how to describe it. I am just done with everything.
No one really knows how upset I am. I’ve never told anyone why I am like this. Most people, don’t notice how depressed I am. It’s starting to take it’s toll on me though. I stay up until 4am daily now, get as much sleep as I can, repeat. I am constantly tired because I just, don’t… do anything. I mope around my house. The only things i’ve been able to think about today, is how horrible my life is compared to […]
Death is a blessing.
Death is like the night. We hide from it, postpone it as long as possible, shun the darkness, but in the end it is inevitable.
We fear it, but it will forever stalk our waking hours, haunt out most sinister nightmares.
Grief, perhaps, is worse.
Grief is what is left behind for the living to deal with.
It is what will make two enemies allies, what can make love turn to hate.
Grief is the most astonishing of pain, and we see it everyday, in some shape or form.
Maybe you just broke up with your beloved. Maybe you just lost […]
You see the heart symbolizes so much in both our society and various veins of creative writing. The human heart symbolizes; life, love, emotional anguish, and even endurance (e.g. the durability of the human heart is notoriously difficult to burn/destroy completely).
So an individual that has gone through a lot of emotional and or romantic pain would naturally choose to injure their chest/heart area of the body in order to send a message to the people they left behind, perhaps only one person in particular. Or to […]