For those of you still in school, read this book:
It’s a great book, you’ll be shocked about all the crap we’ve been fed.
1- The world is ruled by the rich- they rig the system to keep themselves rich and the poor poor, and you lose
2- They don’t tell you you’ll spend your entire youth (K-12) going to a crappy school that does nothing but brainwash you to become a good little worker ant and to never complain. And what little education you do receive is mostly useless in real life.
3- You spend the best years of your life (18-21) going to an over-inflated college to get a useless and overpriced college degree which will put you massively in debt and will spend decades to pay back, for four fucking years of “education.”
4- Some of you will go on to grad school. MORE debt and MORE of your youth is lost.
5- After college, you’ll be desperate to get any job. After all, you now have debt at the tender age of 21 or so. You’ll work insanely long hours and the pay is shite.
6- You’ll be too in debt to get married and have kids, but society tells you that you MUST. So you do it. The average couple spends $26,645 for a stupid overpriced wedding.
7- Then comes the kids. Oh the
brats kids that society tells you you must have to “complete” your life.
8- You have those kids but you both must work every day, so who really takes care of your kids? And how much time does one actually spend with their children nowadays anyway? “As of 2011, mothers spend about 13.5 hours per WEEK with their children, while fathers spend about 7.3 hours per WEEK.” Uhm, so WTF is the point of having a kid if you’re only going to spend a few hours a day with them?
9- You will work till you get old and used up and corporations have extracted as much as they can from you. Now no one will hire you. Now you can “retire” at 65. Now you can finally “go on that vacation” or “do that thing you’ve always wanted to do” now that you’re “free.” At the tender age of 65 (or is retirement 67 now?)
10- Anyhow, you’re old. Your bones and joints ache. You can’t go travelling the world or “do all the things you’ve wanted to do” because now you’re old and your body can’t do most of those things, and you’re tired. And you probably don’t have the money.
11- You spend the last years of your life physically and mentally wasting away, in and out of hospitals, slowly dying, mired in medical bills.
12- You’re “lucky” if you die. If they even LET you die. Most places won’t let you pull the plug, even if you have an advanced health directive which specifies your death wishes.
That’s it. That’s “Life” folks.
“But, but, you’re not mentioning all the JOYS of life, all the wonder, amazement, and happiness…”
“What fucking happiness?” I never asked to be born. I never asked for any of this shit. Fuck you and “the world is awesome” shit.
1- You can be anything when you grow up
2- If you work hard, you’ll be rewarded
3- Bad people get punished and the good will be rewarded
4- “Life, liberty, and justice for all”
5- “Everything will be ok”
6- “Things will get better, you’ll see”
7- What are the lies you’ve been told?
Everyone around me, who calls themselves my
friend never feels like they are being true. I always doubt the verity of such a word and thus i save them for those who truly earn it. I always fear the people who smile at you face and stab you in the back. I do not believe that someone who is that easily persuaded against my will regardless of how petty this may be, someone who will insult me and side easily with someone who I JUST literally JUST like five seconds ago introduced them to. Or the most painful recent experience. Some fucktard whose name was of the most basic sex and ice cream flavor known to man kind. I by no means am trying to say he owes me, what i am trying to say is he is a user like most of the people who i meet. I met him when he was injured from an accident that could’ve cause him his life, but it didn’t. Due to the nature of the accident and his lack of protective gear he almost lost his job. Throughout the whole process, I was there. I bought him food. I drove him around. Counseled him. I even called in favors, for him to keep his job. The son of a ***** didn’t even take me to the hospital when my hand was cut open in an accident. He made me drive him back to his home and drive myself to the hospital. I had an allergic reaction to something. That morning it happened and it is the first time I’ve experienced swelling. He had me take him to eat, and then he had me take him to the store. He had me wait until he PICKED ok not even pick up I MEAN PICK, SELECT CHHOOOOSE! a TV, and wait until after that for him to buy it, then help him put it in MY car, then take it upstairs then go back down and drive MYSELF to the hospital. At that point i decided he didn’t give a fuck about my life, or wellbeing despite me being the only friend he had so i left his ass there and left to the hospital. The rest of the vipers he called “friends” and preferred over me, and liked more than me were talking soooo much shit about him behind his back to where i usually had to stop certain things from being said. I used to advise him on these things, but he always took offense to it. Lack of tact? Definitely, but i give you the scars of a friend because he clearly got enough kisses from his enemies. Even people who didn’t know him. Even his best friend. I told him this. But guess what? Now I am the bad guy. He locked himself out of the house. I told him to go to the front desk to get let in because i was already in route to my destination. Every half an hour he kept on calling me. I was trying to study for a test while i waited for my final destination to open. I kept on asking him why he didn’t ask the front desk to give him the spare key. Fifteen minutes before my final destination opens he calls me and tells me that he needs in, that the front desk has been closed and that if he goes to the main building (which he knew DAMN well was what i was referring to) and that he had to go to work in two hours. At that point i proceeded to yell YOU TELL ME THIS 15 MINUTES PRIOR TO MY PAID APPOINTMENT!? I’ve been here 3 hours studying. And you lie to me, and then TRY to manipulate me into thinking this is my fault? Uh no I’m paying a lot of money for this, i’ll be there in about an hour.
I did my thing, RACED to the house let his stupid ass in. On my way there a friend told me that the reason why he didn’t go to the front gate was because he would get into a lot of trouble because he has lost too many keys. When home, this lying sack of shit, displayed the information to all our neighbors in a way that was like i was being a dick and not coming home. And that i just sat there for three hours knowing he could get in trouble. Told them all kinds of shit, which since these are snakes, naturally they told me. They told me what this idiot said. out last encounter i woke him up while cleaning, he then got up, stormed, slammed every door. Woke up all the neighbors. Then yelled at me and said he was waking up in 2 hours but i just HAD to do things Ipso facto. That night i waited until I knew he was out for work, then took most of my stuff out and slept in my car. Again next day, and monday i made sure it was when he was asleep, get my room inspected by the landlord, so i could leave and never see him again. I am a loud, and obnoxious person at times. I realize this wasn’t the first time i had woken him up. But as you can see from this story I sacrificed a lot for a person whose flaws i knew, whose flaws i accepted, and talked to about. But my foibles were too excessive. He took all my hand soap, didn’t replenish it. I had to get pissed and remind him for 4 months about the cable which he almost didn’t pay me. Never bought toothbrushes, just took mine, Got pissed and threw himself on the bed when i told him to go half with me on the cleaning stuff, and then waited until there was someone in the room to say, “Oh i didn’t know that’s what you were doing”. Threw a ***** fit when i started locking my toilet paper and told him to get his own. Told everyone. EVERYONE THAT but not that he was a fucking user. I’m tired. So tired… My next note explains more of this exhaustion, not related to him but this sit still hurts. For someone who’s name is —— you are a total loser
I must never forget what I’m designed for at all times. Even though it will be very painful, I must never believe that I could ever form a significant bond with any of them. At every layer of my personality there is something there that they will disagree with or worse, despise. I may resort to omitting details or lies, but this will compound my suffering.
Alone in my room. Seclusion of my mind. Distortion of my life.
Emptiness surrounding me. Darkness shrinking proximity. Sanity is slowly progressing towards the farthest realms away from me. Out of my grip.
The sun is warm. The moon is pale. Rain is moving in.
Another form of discontented absolution. I pray to never feel the warmth of the sun and its lies. I pray to never understand the darkness and the truth it’s proving.
I’m straddled on a chair. The rope is synced to a sturdy place. The rope around my neck shows comfort and truth. Soon I will join the ranks of fallen.
These sharp edges gushing blood
this is all I have to give
these little lines
for all to see
they see pink
they see scabs
they see this wretched
in this world to succeed and die
I hold this life in these hands
that pierce something squishy something warm
something that shines
a colorful red
marks the skin
and betrays your mouth
of beautiful words that’s all lies
so they don’t see that you aren’t well.
I just got the message, from my ex, she want’s to go out for a drink with me tomorrow night!! I still love her, so that’s great right ? so why em I posting this crap here?
Well it is not great, this is not fucking great at all. And here is why :
we have been together for almost 5 years, and she have break up with me 2 months ago, 3 weeks ago she had told me she have meet someone and that they are dating for few days now. But 2 weeks ago I have found out she had been cheating with this guy for months when we were still together and all the lies she had told me in all this past months, and even now in this two months that we are not together anymore she told me so many lies, I have just lost count.
so I really need your opinion please!
Should I confront her tomorrow, tell her that I know all the lies and cheating she had done to me?
I’m thinking yes – my time is running out ! Because, I have exams in 25 days, and I need to pass them to finish school finally and try to get a decent job for once. I have had just enough energy to hold on this two months that I was studying everyday for this final exams, but I have completely stop 2 weeks ago, when I found out about this. After 13 years of this exact same ending in previous relationships my heart is not broken but dead this time, so at least I don’t have to worry about that, but it’s tearing my soul in pieces, Its making me sick and can’t sleep or eat, having panic attacks, paranoia is appearing more often and depression bad as never before, and I attempted suicide once before. And how the fuck can I possible study now? I was barley holding on before, all the good memories and beautiful moments we had, and hard times we conquered them together, are now gone for ever, drowned in lies, and it’s taking me down with it.
I need to hear her say the truth to me. My soul is dying and I’m wishing I can find some peace or strength in it, at least for this month, so I can get myself together and try to salvage this lost time and get back to study, with this last energy in me, don’t even want to think if it’s not already too late now for me.
by not telling her, my life is at hold, can’t stop thinking about it, it has taken me over, and it’s ripping what has left of me apart.
I’m thinking no – i’m spinning in a circle ! Here is what is scaring me even more, and i’m afraid! this girl, she is mentally ill too. She was cutting herself for over 10 years, attempt suicide twice, been in psychiatric hospital 6 times already. what is even worse is she should be taking 3 types of pills, but for the past 6 months she only taken 1 type of those pills, and this might be the cause of mood swings and her decisions in this last months, but maybe not I don’t know. And what is even worse when I think about it more is, she can be manipulated by others quite fast, and not to my surprise, the guy she is dating, is her “friend”, she knows him for like 1 year now (and this guy, he was like take a pic of your dog, can I see your new hair color? here I bought you gift etc…for this entire year that she knows him).
I don’t know. Is the mental grip holding her this badly now? are the pills? is she being manipulated? is the combination? is it something else? or she just wanted to get away from me?
I’m afraid, if I confront her, and tell her that I know about all the lies she is telling and cheating she had done, she might start to hate herself again, she will also see how broken I have become by her actions, she might fall even deeper in depressions and her dark mind, which would probably mean that she would start cutting again (she had stop 3 years ago, I don’t know if the new boyfriend even knows about her mental state and problems she had and has, and will not even be able to give her support she needs), it might again get so bad she would try suicide or go to hospital for at least 1 month or more, and fail at school, and can’t work when your in hospital which would leave her without money, which would destroy her life, and mine with it, for pushing her down this path.
But knowing her I feel, I can’t take a risk, it will end badly, it will destroy her life or cripple it beyond repair, and then mine goes with it.
I’m spinning in a circle between this impossible decisions, of which, future and life, of someone else, that I care and love, and me, might get destroyed. And I’m running out of time, been thinking for the past 2 weeks, sometimes I decide I will take one way and will not change my mind about it anymore, hours later I’m convinced I will do the other way around because it’s for the best, tomorrow she will see me, and exams are at end of this month.
– I want to “man up!” slap myself, get it together, let it slip away and don’t you dare mention this to her tomorrow or ever! but this energy is sipping out of me, and it’s ripping me apart emotionaly and mental state is getting worse by day. But I want to smile, I need to, for her, when she ask me tomorrow how are you? I need to forget about it and my exams with it.
-Or maybe I’m over thinking this? Might be she just will not care that I know, and will not feel bad for her actions, or that my situations has gotten so bad. I wish this would be true, then I would need not to worry about her state, I still love her and care for her very much, probably too much for my own good. But I just might take this broken pieces that are left for me and somehow try my best to survive this month, If I confront her, and she tells me get over it, she doesn’t care about me anymore.
is there any other way? I’m I blind, possible stupid?
What would you do? If you were her, what would you want me to do?
I absolutely hate it when people say that they will understand you no matter what maybe its your parents who tell you that they will understand you more than anyone else will. They’re liars. They will blame everything on you just being a child, “it’s just your teenage angst” or “its just your hormones”. People who I’ve opened up to will always tell me to go talk to my parents but I am damn sure that it won’t help anything. It will just make things worse and I’ll just feel like more of a burden to them. I hate it the most when I’m told that I’ve got too much anxiety and that I panic about everything but it was your fault and you know it! how can you just throw the book at me and keep convincing me that I’m a waste of time at such a young age and not expect me to have anxiety? you just make it worse I don’t think you take any responsibility for it and all that anxiety is the reason why I fail. Its the anxiety that YOU caused.
Don’t you hate it when people force things out of you and then find out that you’re just a freak and tell you, “I’m always here to talk” and “It will get better”? Sometimes I understand that some people don’t exactly understand how to talk a person like me but no, it NEVER gets better and who the fuck are you to tell me that things get better when I don’t even know what’s wrong with me? They’re the most annoying liars because its those people who after a while give up on you and keep asking you to just stop being so depressing! and you know what’s worse? most of the time, they’re not even there for you they will go gossip about you and tell them what a depressing emo kid you are… But then again, I’ve only got my fucking disgusting self to blame for trusting people. I’ve got one good friend and I can tell her things and I know for sure she won’t tell anyone and a Mum who means everything to me but I can’t tell her any of this. They’re the only two people who haven’t lied to me they don’t promise something unless they mean it and I am fucking grateful for them I don’t think I show them the amount of respect and love that they deserve because its just hard for me to believe that they are that nice to me of all people. I just can’t help but feel a little guilty about wanting to die so desperately.
I’ve seemed to stumble into a place where everyone tells lies to me. Those I love, those I am of service to, those I call family, my society, my government, my country, my species, and even myself. If that is not a hard concept to grasp, or even handle, I don’t know what is. We are all living in a place where it is rewarded to lie, but the moment you are caught, you pay colossal penalties. Not only does it feel like everyone is against everyone, we have decided that, as a whole, “all for one” was the best way to achieve greatness; unknowingly did we just put our own species into a evolutionary stunting circle in the long run, we have destroyed, killed, maimed, manipulated, and twisted the likes of our kind across the world and expanding this idealism of hate and individual greatness at the expense of others into god knows how many generations to come.
And yet all the while as our species as a whole is coming crashing down and shaking each and every one of our foundations (since we are all connected), those of us on this site and millions of others lie to ourselves that we are not good enough. We feed ourselves these harsh and painful blows that can make even the toughest and thickest skinned man cripple to his knees. I first-hand am a victim of my own lies and hurtful ways. But it’s high time I start changing those approaches and silencing those voices. This is my statement not only to you, but to me as well; I am better than all of the lies I aim at tearing myself down. I am stronger and more compassionate than those voices could ever begin to imagine. I am a person that, in my few moments of saneness and contentness, chooses to fight to be here everyday.
If you have gotten to the bottom of this, thank you. Reading the words I write to the vastness of the internet now falls on your screen and you have chosen to wade through my bullshit. I hope that whatever you are doing, wherever you are, whomever you are, and why ever you have decided to finish this long promise to myself, that you are okay. If you are happy, I am grateful you feel that way; if you are sad, please take the last energy you have to care for yourself. I love you very dearly and hope only the best comes your way. If there is anything I can do for you or any one of you, please don’t hesitate to comment. It would be no burden on my shoulders, for it helps humans overcome traumatic events if there is someone there who can even remotely understand their pain. I love and care for you. I hope you are having a fantastic night <3
The Count begins and ends at Zero.
They don’t see,
don’t understand… US!
With gouged eyes,
and broken minds… Scream and Cuss!
High on their happy ignorance,
arrogance blinds them
to the reason.
Treated like lepers,
only we see the truth
falsified as lies.
In the name of progress,
they dance off the cliff called Advancement.
In the name of freedom,
we run to the embrace called Death.
They desire power.
We desire peace.
As I sit in lonely silence
I realize my violence
I look to see my scars
And I wish upon the stars
For something simply brighter
Than trying to be a fighter
I’ve never felt so tired
It was you that I admired
You left me in the dust
When I thought that I could trust
All you said were lies
So I gave them a disguise
My immature mind
Made me think that you were kind
I would make this the end
But I feel I should defend
All the things you said
Didn’t want me to be dead
I know I love you so
And I know that I should go
It all began with “hi”
But I still won’t say “goodbye”
I was born in a thunderstorm
I grew up overnight
I played alone
I’m playing on my own
I wanted everything I never had
Like the love that comes with light
I wore envy and I hated that
But I survived
I had a one-way ticket to a place where all the demons go
Where the wind don’t change
And nothing in the ground can ever grow
No hope, just lies
And you’re taught to cry into your pillow
But I survived
I’m still breathing! I’m still breathing!….
I’m alive! I’m alive! ………..
1.) Nothing in this life is truly earned no matter what anyone tries to tell you. We don’t live in a fairy tale and people don’t get anywhere in life because they work hard and believe in themselves because if that were the case there are millions existing in squander this very moment that should be living in castle on the beach by now. People get places because something outside of what they do whether its looks, money, personality etc gives them the advantage to do so.
2.) No one has control over anything in life. We don’t get to choose if we are born, who our parents are, What our genitals are, what color we are, what we look like (excluding surgery and even that can be botched), the class were born into, whether or not we can get a job, our personalities, who/what we like, who likes us or even how we feel about it. In the end we are at the mercy of the world and each other.
3.)Karma does not exist. There is no magical force in the universe that balances good deeds with bad unless you count death/hell as one of them. Good things happen to bad people bad things happen to good people. There are plenty of evil people what as you read this are living guilt free in a life of luxury and happiness while many a kind person also while we speak are laying homeless in a gutter riddled with pain and disease.
4.)Being a good person means NOTHING in this world. If you are one of them (and I speak from experience) prepare to be shitted on for the rest of your life in every possible way. You will not come out on top in the end because you did the right thing. You will not be better respected or treated and in all likelihood will end up being treated worse than the sleazebag that spends their days stepping on you to get where and what they want.
Sometimes when I close my eyes
I can hear a demon telling me lies
I know his words are not true
His words are only lies about you
Before he finishes what he wants to say
I ignore and order him to go away
He laughs and says his goodbyes
But I know those are also lies
No matter how many lies he weaves
I ignore them until he leaves
But one day I heard the closing of a door
Since then I could not hear him anymore
Finally the demon has given up
Finally the demon’s lies has stopped
But where and why did he go
That’s an answer I do wish to know
I do not see any reason why he left
Maybe his lies led him to his death
No reason to find out I thought
For I have won the battle that I so long fought
But as time slowly passed by
I found out the reason why
Now I know why the demon is gone
His words were not all that wrong
I had a one-way ticket to a place where all the demons go
Where the wind don’t change
And nothing in the ground can ever grow
No hope, just lies
And you’re taught to cry in your pillow
But I survived
we are very much like our friends in the wild; the world we live in is a survival of the fittest. But to this I say, let the fittest survive! Survival is overrated. We’re alive; we die. How long we survive for is of little significance. Our true significance lies not in the endless comparing of ourselves to one another, trying to see who is the fittest, using scales of evaluation and meaning that differ in the heart and mind of every individual; no – it lies in our deeds alone with the time we have.
Would you go ahead and kill me already?!
You keep me hanging on the line.
I’m sick and tired of all your filthy little lies.
You are a cancer.
I am your host.
What you love is torturing me the most.
So cut away my skin.
Expose who you really are.
For my body bleeds oil.
The fuel that you feed.
I was never anything.
Just a pension for your greed.
YOU ARE MY CANCER
…..and I am your host
I messed up, everything is gone bad. I tried to fix it, and made it worse. I lied for too long. I’m not going to fix it, I can’t try anymore, it doesn’t work. I just want to go.
Everything hurts, being hurts, and I am going to hurt the people I care about. There’s no way out now, but one. I wish I could tell them how sorry I am.