Hello everyone. I’m new here. I’m almost 24 and my native language is not english, so excuse my poor english.
I have been dealing with anxiety and depression (i guess it appeared later) since the age of 15/16 i guess. It started after my dad said yes to a surgery to my kidney( i didn’t want to do it cause i knew it wouldn’t fix anything, it was’nt a matter of life or death, not anything closer to that, just to fix a congenital problem). But the only thing it brought to me was a psicosomatic disorder and later anxiety and depression.
I’m telling you […]
Tag:
life or death
In short i have a crazy mother no one can get to her when shes angry…
my mother doesnt care about anything else other than numbers….
i want to talk to her but i never could….
she doesnt care….
so why should i?….
i dont know what to do i am literally in a life or death limbo right now…
i will admit i really want attention but not from everyone but maybe just one friend?
Every night I feel like disappearing. I have complete means and method to achieve this. However, I made a promise to someone who know hates me. I don’t really think of committing suicide anymore, but every night I just want to disappear. This really just sucks. I am trying to coupe with it as best as I can. Every night I just want to disappear and everyday I wake up with tears. I don’t even know what I dreamed about.
I am pushing forward, but my mind is holding me back. I don’t think negatively of myself anymore. I feel like I turned out pretty well […]
I feel like I don’t deserve everything that is given to me but I came to enjoy them. People’s kindness. I don’t quite understand it. I don’t want to accept it because I feel guilty. I know that I don’t deserve anything. I know I’m disgusting. I don’t know what I’m capable of. There are a lot of unanswered ‘what-ifs’ and ‘ors’ I don’t know my own emotions. If I’m crying for them or for my sake. Am I truly happy or did I just encountered an amusing thing that will eventually leave. Am I unmotivated or am I just lazy. Am I depressed or […]
The decision to keep going for the hope of a better life even though I have been hopeless for multiple years and staying for the only 2 people that have ever cared about me in my life (my parents) or to be selfish and just enter peace where I end the years of suffering every single second of my life where I am not sleeping. I am tired of crying and just want peace. Decisions, decisions. A decision that will mean life or death.
I hate this unborn thing. I wish I could get rid of it but the father wants it. Im too far along to get a pill abortion. Most people I know are excited about the thing. I dont feel any connection to it. I HATE it. Im not ready for a leech Im never going to love. I wish it would hurry up and die so I can get back to my life or death or whatever Im looking for. I hate you leech. I will never learn to love you. I HATE YOU!
I love you
But I cannot be with you
I love you
But I cannot hold you
I love you
But I am so far away
I love you
But I am not strong enough to stay
I love you
But it’s been so long since I’ve seen you
I love you
But you seen to be attempting to elude my mind
I love you
But my memories are fading
I love you
But the day has turned to night
I love you
But the sunlight’s hidden behind the moons shadow
I love you
But I can no longer linger amongst the living
I love […]
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Why do you do that? Why can’t you send a simple message asking for help? You need it and you know it. Why is it so difficult to ask for help? To reach out? Why is there such shame in asking for help that could mean life or death? I’m not afraid to ask for help. Truth? I hate being a burden. It’s not easy dealing with someone who is depressed and suicidal. We all know it. By reaching out, I am taking up valuable time in someone’s day. I’m taking up resources. Man, why am I such a screw up? Can’t […]
It’s hard to choose between the two. To endure life and the concept of simply existing or to die peacefully and end the endurance. Suicide is not what one chooses when someone is sad. Suicide is what one chooses when they are looking for a way out of pain, and none of their other resources are working. This is something I think about constantly. Existing (from my eyes) is dealing with irate customers at the host stand at my job. It’s flunking out of my freshman year of college because I didn’t go to class because I felt like my whole world was collapsing around […]