I am a 20 year old female attending university within my home town. I honestly feel lost within my own life. I am a waste of space. I do not know how to cook, terrible at cleaning, and struggle to manage a workload in school that others would find easy. I was diagnosed with major depressive disorder and anxiety disorder. I was never social as a child; I can’t go up to someone and start a conversation. I had a happy childhood, up to a point. Our home has come under disrepair within the past decade or so. I love my parents, at least I […]
Tag:
Likelihood
I need to know that something in me is still striving for an existence. I need to know that all of me has not given up hope. I feel as though I am drowning in a sea of no emotion, and will soon be so overcome with boilng rage, that I will begin to hurt others. I fear for what is in my mind. I fear for how I will turn out. I tell myself that things will get better because I want so badly to believe it so. I want to believe so badly that things will be okay, and it will all work […]
Been a little while. Hi everyone. Whenever I think about suicide (which has been happening more and more frequently) I always try to figure out why I want to die. The main thing I’ve decided that drives towards suicide is an increasing lack of interest in everything. It all sounds so dull and tedious. There are times when I just want to be alone and sleep, times when being dead and people leaving me alone sounds very enticing. That’s actually one of the more frequent desires I find myself having during my moments. I suppose the other thing I find interesting about death is rather […]
Lately, I’ve been trying to determine if I was born broken or if my life made me this way.
I mean, I can go down the list of my life experiences and lay out a path of the things that seem to have lead up to the way I am now. But, might not a better person, with better DNA or a better soul or whatever you believe to be at the core of us, have reacted differently to the same kind of life. Maybe I’m just not meant to be well, or worthy or happy.
I can’t sleep much at all anymore. My mind just races […]
I’ve never been afraid of anything in my life, but I’m afraid of committing suicide… I’ve bunjee jumped, sky dived, scuba dived, been cage sharking etc. etc. but I always felt with those things that whatever the risk, the likelihood is nothing bad is going to happen… But with suicide I know that obviously something bad is going to happen to me…. That probably doesn’t make sense, but basically I can’t live my life because of the mental anguish I suffer and have suffered for over ten years, but the physcial act of killing myself scares teh living sh*t out of me….. I’ve got all […]