Why do I feel like life is just a set-up?
Life is just a distraction for the upcoming death…
I am living my life, trying to become someone in this cruel judgmental world and all I get in return is a funeral.
I am so afraid to die, but I’m beginning to be afraid to live as well… knowing that each day I wake up, is a day closer to my extinction.
Breathing, fighting, trying?
All just to end up inside the earth;
with no conscience, no mind, nothing
Does that make sense?
i suffer from:
depression
social anxiety
trichotillomania
anorexia
self harm
severe self loathing
daily (hourly) suicidal thoughts
and i’d say all of these have been keeping me from living my life the way i want to, they cause me to hurt others emotionally, and they’ve all been getting worse. i don’t know if i consider what i’m doing living, but rather merely staying alive; always wishing to drop dead any second.
Last night, someone pointed out all my flaws. She told me about how I’m a burden to others. She gave reasons as to why it would be better if I was gone. She opposed all my life decisions. I know she has no right to tell me I’m living my life incorrectly, but I was taught to respect and listen to the thoughts of my elders.
She persuaded me to believe her. And I did.
I asked her to buy me pills so I could end my selfish activities. Instead, she called me stupid, selfish, and so many other words just because I insisted.
She then […]
I hate who I am. I hate that I’m so afraid to fail that I’m not even living my life anymore. I don’t have anyone to talk to.. I’ve tried explaining it to my parents but they just get angry with me and tell me they don’t even care what I do anymore. They don’t know that I cry myself to sleep every night, pray that I don’t wake up in the morning, or that I have suicidal thoughts all the time. I wish I could just end my life but I’m too much of a coward and the last time I tried I failed […]
I still dont see the point in me living my life is the worst ive ruined it compleaatily i have no friends no boyfriend no girlfriend no real family……………. i need serious help!! 🙁 i dont kno if i want to end my life…….. or the pain…. hmmmm
Honestly. I have such a broken heart, even if I’m 13. Who the fuck cares? I can’t feel loss at “such a young age”?? You try living my life, see what YOU think this is. I’m not weak. I was weak once. But I grew up. That’s right. 8 years old. My grandpa died, I had to grow up. Within 5 minutes, I was completely mature. I had to be. My grandma just lost it. I had to take care of my little sister. Of course, I was barking orders, but I had to. I pushed the feelings down. I was a drill sergeant for […]
A boy is the least of my troubles.
My problems are my problems.
Anxiety keeping me from living my life, meeting new people and having fun.
Depression is keeping me from loving my family, loving life and enjoying being a teenager.
Bipolar is making me lose people and so much more.
Like fuck, seriously, it frustrates me to the point were I want to rip my hair out.
Family is against me. Friends are against me. Life is against me. I’m against me.
Chaifair here, if anyone on here knows me, tnx 4 being my fwend.
I still hate myself, and i’m still struggling to make it through the day without crying.
At night, I still find myself wanting to die.
But what good would that do? I want my life to get better– not destroyed. Â But in order for my life to get better, I need to make a move. I need to get out more- see the world, and try to see the good in it. Living my life hiding away from everyone won’t do anything good, I need to change that- I can’t hide forever. I need to meet new people. The thing is, how am I supposed to […]
I’m numb. No emotions, no feelings. Nothing.
I don’t care if I get hurt. I kick my toe, nothing.
I hit my head, nothing. I cut my wrists, nothing.
I don’t feel heart ache anymore. I don’t care if I cut to deep.
I don’t even care if my family find out what I write on here.
I’m 16 name is Chaifair, I live in a nothing town with people who just don’t care.
I’m over living my life like a happy little trooper. I’ve been faking my smile all day.
No one knows what goes on in my mind, because I don’t know either.
I am a 31yo male, clinically diagnosed (smoke and mirrors) as having major depressioen when I was five. I’ve seen therapists and counselors for years and currently i’m seeing one for an hour each week. It does nothing. When I was younger, all I wanted was to grow up. I thought that if I were an adult, kids wouldn’t make fun of me.. i’d have a respectable job. A wife.
Nothing can be further from the truth. I’m a 31yo loser who is forced to live in his parents basement after having been dumped by his girlfriend of 8 years for a woman. I have no […]
Anyone out there having trouble living your life also?
Fuck, I just want to give up everything and die.
I’m tired of explaining everything to everyone about why I have erratic moods, why I need help, why I’m not as normal as everybody fucking thinks. I’m so miserable living my life. I basically lay down in bed, thinking of all things I have to do, shouldn’t forget to do… but I just can’t get up. I wake up so late in the afternoon that my day is halfway gone. I eat, use the bathroom, then go back to my room. In my room, I’m on my laptop, on […]
I’m normally OK, living my life each day as it comes. But once in awhile there is something inside my head (something not SOMEONE) trying to control me. Making me feel useless, upset and like I have no purpose in this world. Its like a big black shadow trying to tear me away from my life, my son, my family. I can only fight it for so long. Its strong, stronger than I am at times. It hurts me. It never leaves but I can ignore it or quiet it for awhile but it always comes back. It wants me to die and it wont […]
it brought terror and fear, i dont get it. i WANT to die and i acted on it last night, but once everything went down hill i knew maybe death isnt the answer to life’s problems? it started with a headache i ignored it, i felt sharp stabbing pains going all down my back, everytime i stood up i was to weak and the pain was to annoying to just keep moving so i’d stand up and fall to my knees and rest this scared me. then i gave up attempting to walk let alone stand, so i just layed in bed then i started […]
So I pretty much have become tired of living my life. I feel
like a waste of space most of the time. After my Mom died and my Dad married my
step mom my life has changed drastically. It’s not that I don’t like my Dad; he
just doesn’t know how to deal with things himself. For example he goes out to
drink a lot and acts younger than his 17 year old daughter does. If he’s not
out he’s at work or in his room which leaves me with no choice but to sit in my
room all day. I have quite a few […]
I was drinking tonight. And for the first time I really felt emboldened to just… take an action I can’t mention here. I really wanted to do it. But I realize it probably won’t give me the result I want. I’ll probably get really sick and then regret doing it because I’ll be in severe pain with horrific stomach cramps, or maybe scary seizures and frightening rapid heartbeat. Or maybe I’ll suffer brain damage and then be a vegetable, wonderful. I’ll then hate my life even more, but maybe then I’d have an excuse not to have to do anything (like go to work, which […]
I chose this to be my username for a reason. I’m out of options. Everyone says I’m not allowed to kill myself or self injure or smoke or drink or do drugs but at the same time they say I don’t need therapy. They say I’m not allowed to die but I can’t stand living another day. I’m living my life for other people, cuz I sure as hell don’t want to be here. If I’m living just so someone can see my face one more time, why bother? I’m dead on the inside. I might as well make the outside match. I’m tiered […]
I am a girl. I feel like I should be a boy. I feel like i’m not living my life to the fullest because of this. I feel uncomfortable everywhere I go. School, the store, even in my own home. I don’t talk to many people. I’m shy and collective. I feel like if I was a boy, i wouldn’t be so shy and everyone would actually love me. I would have more friends at school. Its extremely depressing and embarrasing. I don’t dress as a boy so you can quit thinking the word “dike” now. I get up at five every morning to straighten […]
Past a few weeks after crash with me and my Love. I divorced with him, he didn’t with me. Really insane situation. He still needs time and time after time making some short conversation, but as a real Black Scorpio i am living my life without him and not hoping anything.
Before this boyfriend i had a very very very very very big symphaty. He is so great: very funny, smart, working as a reanimatologist, so beautiful, but… usualy he’s just bastard – telling everything what he thinks and talking very dirty things. Last summer we’ve been dating, but he never kissed me as french or […]
I’ve got 44 days left to go, and I’ll be joining you. I am living my life until then as best as I can, savouring every moment. I’m even tempted to run in the local elections just for the joy of it. I am trying to fit a lifetime of pleasure in before I go. I don’t know what comes next, however that doesn’t bother me.
As full as my world seems, I am alone looking out over it. Disconnected from it. It doesnt matter how close I get to people I am so far away. People say they see great things in my future, I […]
I have attempted suicide twice. Once by hanging and once by pills and alcohol.
Both times I saw it as the only way to end the pain of being alive, of living my life, with my thoughts and my ideas of my future.
And both times I was radically incorrect about how my life would turn out. As I write this I am only now aware of that. I was so totally wrong about how things would play out for me, of all the joys and experiences I would have, of the love I would feel, of the ups that would somehow manifest themselves. If I had […]
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