No matter what I do or how hard I try my view of the world will never change. And that’s what causes the depression in the first place. I think that living is pointless. I think everything we do leads to nothing and that everyone leads to nothing. That’s what I think about every time I open my eyes. My boyfriend is normal though. He can wake up everyday and find a reason to fight through, it’s simple for him. He can focus on living his life and not on living in general. All I like to do is help people. But how can I […]
We know what suicide is and we know that it’s a fact and it’s real. What we don’t know is WHY people kill themselves. As for myself, I know why I haven’t killed myself. Death is messy. I am somewhat of a neat freak and that’s the main reason why so far I have refrained from the act. Who is going to dispose of my stinky cadaver? I guess it could be organized but not without causing someone else a lot of trouble and I don’t want to make any trouble–which brings me to why I want to be dead and why in general people […]
I am sick of the bullshit that people say to me about suicide. All are invalid or just something they say because they dont know what to say.
“it gets better” – are you personally guaranteeing that? in reality it can also and more likely get WORSE
“someone loves you stay alive for them” – If suicide is selfish isn’t demanding someone to stay for you despite their pain and misery even more selfish?
“suicide is a permanent solution to a temporary problem” – unless of course the problem is permanent then the solution is perfect. I dont think a temporary solution for a permanent problem is very […]
Hey, Im kind of new to this so probably wont explain myself very well. This is actually the first time Ive ever talked about this to anyone if this even counts. Anyways im not sure how I even ended up here I feel like im wasting who ever reads this’ time. I dont want pity I used to do a bit of counseling as a youth worker so I know all the lines like “life is potential death is that potential gone”, I know how to help others I just cant help myself. I dont want pity or sympathy just a logical reason and some […]
The constant movement, struggle, and rotation of the world sets my mind ablaze. The constant parade of our society shouting demands from all people of all ages to look like this, talk like this, dress like this, believe in this, support this; if not, you’re nothing. How sweet is that…?
The neverending battle between good and evil, which has an invisible origin, kills my nerves every day. It’s like it makes me paranoid, asking myself constantly, “Am I believing in the right God?”, “Am I acting like I’m supposed to in order to be a member of this spiritual group/organization?”…..thoughts of ‘not being good enough’ or […]
She’s not senile; from what I’ve heard from my father and other family members she’s been unreasonable from the start.
With that said…she adopted me at 9 and has taken care of me since. I’m now 22 and finally moving out in a few months.I’m financially dependent on her which is what she uses to manipulate me. She knows that I’m too overwhelmed to go to school full time and keep a job to support myself so she knows that I must tolerate her unreasonableness or be homeless.
For example, my car is at the mechanic and will be for a few days. She doesn’t drive anymore […]
I really can’t take it. I just want to take a break. I just want to be happy. I don’t want to try and live like this anymore. I tried okay? I tried so hard to focus on life. And I just can’t reach it. Even though I’m young, I’ve never felt this pain ever before. It hurts as bad as hitting by a truck. I want to cry, but all I have is a mask that covers me when I’m badly injured. I told them, I was fine, just felt kinda tired for sleeping too late. But no. I tried everything to end this. […]
No one has any idea how completely suicidal I am. I know everyone out there must think I should get help. But I do not want help. I want to kill myself before anyone realizes I should get help. And now again, I know what you must think, well why would you be posting on a public forum? Well, I have just bottled up everything for so long without being able to tell a soul. All of my true feelings about everything have just been trapped inside me. I have to lie to everyone about everything all the time. It’s horrible. I literally refuse to […]
I justÂ re-watchedÂ Tom Hank’s Cast Away for the first time in years. I never paid attention to these lines but now it makes a lot of sense. Maybe it can also turn your day around. Here goes:
“Â I added it up, and knew that I had… lost her. ‘cos I was never gonna get off that island. I was gonna die there, totally alone. I was gonna get sick, or get injured or something. The only choice I had, the only thing I could control was when, and how, and where it was going to happen. So… I made a rope and I went up to the […]
lets disect the question because it doesnt actually.make sense since it implys “nothing’ CAN create itself,.while.’something’ cannot. it fails to explain what exactly defines “something” and “nothing” . with this logic, asking why theres.” nothing instead of something” is just as invalid because it fails to explain why nothing is any.more possible than something. saying somethingcould create it.self.from.” nothing is impossible. there would.have to be something that was use to create that something. on the flipside saying nothing could be created from something is impossible. creating nothing from.something would actually just be the absence of something. if something was there to begin with, […]
The only advice I hear from my mother.Â I guess its my fault that I feel like this all the time, since 12 years of drug therapy and talk therapy had no effect on me.Â So my mom’s words have some logic to it.
I keep telling myself that I wasn’t meant to live this long, that I was destined for death a long time ago but got passed up somehow.Â I never had plans for a future where I aimed to have my own family, a job, and a house with a “white picket fence”.Â I was supposed to be dead, a distant memory for […]
If you are completely adjusted to an utterly sick society, you are a mentally healthy individual.
Makes perfect sense.
Okay, nothing is working. I’m always sad even when I’m happy, I feel empty. I stopped cutting. although it sounded like a good idea, but I can’t not cut. cutting was my way to release the fucking pain I feel inside. and honestly, I want to start smoking again. I want to smoke and just forget about everything. I’m such a failure. my friends don’t want me to smoke cigarettes anymore, but they have no problem trying to pressure me to smoke cigars (no not those big fat ones that mob bosses smoke all the time) where is your logic??
So, my question to you, where […]
I had forgotten how much that film resonated with me when it first came out; how I cried and cried because of the loss, the tragedy, the helplessness, the irresolute – albeit hopeful – ending. Â The words still resonate with me today, now, even while contemplating my own will to exist:
“…We both had done the math.
Kelly added it all up…and knew she had to let me go.
I added it up, and knew that I’d…I’d lost her…’cause I was never going to get off that island. I was going to die there…totally alone…I mean, I was going to get sick, or get injured or something…
On a large enough time line, the survival rate for everyone drops to zero
Chuck Palahniuk/Tyler durden
Human mortality explained withouttaking into question of life after death. Everyone is going to die. But thats ok, I survive because I want to. there’s no logic in survival , it’s pointless. But who gives a fuck I’m going to live, get better and anyone who says different can tell it to someone who Â gives a shit and that person is not me.
Im contemplating telling my aunt about what I did…
and I texted “hi” to my friend-ish/first sex with…
what now? Im out of ideas really. I didnt expect to completely FINE after doing that. I expected atleast to be at the hospital but Im seriously okay… fuck logic seriously…
Im bored though… i have no one to talk to since I dont haveÂ friends… family isÂ justÂ a title only…
Why can’t I find a reason to live. Why is life so crappy for me. I just can’t seem to live a normal life. No matter how hard I try I just fail. No matter how hard I work I never seem to get anywhere but in debt not deeper in debt just in the state of debt not getting any traction either way, or so it seems. We live under an economic slavery model called capitalism.Â My spirit has been under siege for as long as I can remember. The world looks at people like some kind of commodity. I need to die I […]
Dad is going away on a trip for work. He will be gone for a total amount of roughly three days. (pretty much two, and one night.) I havent seen my best friend taylor for months, due to the fact she goes to a different school. I make plans to see her on Friday. That is the day my dad gets back.
He says no to her coming over, due to he hasnt seen my mom and would want to spend a night with her. (by the way, when they are home, he is constantly taking her out. while I stay home and babysit.)
REALLY? Tell […]
After all that happened with my friend, I came back to my mom for condolence and would ask her where I went wrong. My mom is like a best friend to me and I know that I can always count on her for some insight or advice. My mom had told meÂ that she kinda knew that this would happen someday. She told me that she and my friend’s mom never really got along, because of the fact that my friend’s mom was a unusual personality. My mom told me that my friend’s mom had always been really protective over her (that I could kinda […]
Ive tried to tell myself that it was just a phase, for the fact that it is common for a teenager of the female gender to develop feelings, or in my case, fall in love, with their male best friend. And since I run every feeling and thought underneath a “Logic” magnifying glass, I’ve been able to coax myself into believing that when I fell in love with my best friend at the age of 15 it was because of the fact that we had known each other for so long before we were teens, that the reason that he was my first kiss is […]