Reaching out, maybe I’ll get some insight or relate with someone.
To start, I don’t want to commit suicide. I would however welcome the embrace of death. So if it must come by my own hands, it’s something that will take time to build courage.
See, I don’t really want to die. I’m just failing to see another option. I’m trapped, currently. Bound in captivity. Not a situation I can fight through. I’ve been fighting for years. Though I may win a battle here and there, it’s clear I’m losing the war. I can’t escape, or run away. There are many dependant on me. So what will they do when I’m gone?
They’ll be forced into self sufficiency. Something I have requested repeatedly. Just go, and let me be. No they say. They preach, and demand. They burn and destroy. Devouring every shred of hope and joy I find. So alas, I cannot beat them, I cannot flee them. My only options are continuing on, every day sinking lower or to end it all.
Maybe they’ll learn when the blood is on their hands.