I’m trying to quit only because if I carry on this way people are going to notice eventually. No one knows but my therapist, who I told because I can’t make myself stop and am hoping she can help me stop. But I love it so, so much. I love the pain and watching the blood, I love feeling like for once I’ve done enough, I’ve made up for my mistakes, I love having flexing my arm during day-to-day life later and having it twinge, I love it all. The only nuisance is people noticing. If not for that I could probably sit and cut […]
Tag:
made up
I feel a bit sheepish, with this. I’m barely known here, I rarely post. But soon I’ll be following thru with my plan of many months’ standing. Please don’t try to talk me down, my mind is made up. I have severe cognitive challenges that have made me incompatible with life. But I do beleive in the eternality of the soul, and would so appreciate it if anyone would pray for me, in a couple days. My name is Amy. Thank you so much, anyone who feels moved to do so.
I am going to end my life. I will put my plan in motion today. Getting things organized and put together for my departure. By this time next week my sadness will be gone.
There is so much that needs to be done. The last time I did this, I didn’t think of anything. I just did it and didn’t really think of the outcome. This time will be different.
Tonight I am going to start writing letters to those I love. That is going to be hard. How do you know what to say in a letter like that??
To be honest with you, I am excised […]
I am sad. So sad. I am so sad to the point where the prettiest things feels the ugliest. Where the most vivid images in life seems the most dark. Where the joy feels like sadness, and the excitement feels like fear. I am sad. Sad to the point where when happiness is present, it is enveloped entirely by a deep sadness.
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As mentioned yesterday on a post, I got the opportunity to attend a concert with performers, dancers, and motivational speakers today.
When everyone else enjoyed themselves during the break, I locked myself in the bathroom and cut myself.
When everyone found happiness and joy throughout the […]
I hate that I am overweight and that especially lately I comfort eat a hell of a lot. I hate my appearance -the fact I have naturally curly hair is a curse, I wish I had a cuter nose and a generally more feminine looking face, my appearance is top of my list of reasons of why I want to die, I hate the way women are treated in society in general-mainly valued for appearance and that fake beauty is valued more than natural beauty seems a lot of people find a woman’s un made up face unacceptable, I hate how weak I […]
I haven’t been here in almost a year. I had lost my family and just could not cope. I got lucky and saved my marriage, kept my family together. I was instantly ok again. Well, it didnt last. I guess I have issues. I fucked it up again. This time there’s no fixing it. Now I see why suicides peak around the holidays. The thought of missing my family at all, let alone for Xmas, is terrible. Ive pretty much made up my mind. I dont even care about the method anymore. Im just worried about what happens to the dog, who gets what stuff, […]
my life has no hope. I plan on commuting suicide very soon. I am going to take all of my 30 200 mg seriquil and then sit on my car while it is running in the garage. Of the drugs don’t kill me hopefully the carbon monoxide will. My only fears are hurting my son and my mom. My son will be 3 in October, so he wont really understand. I know that my dad and my step mom will adopt him. They have asked about it before and I am still living. I’m 23, I suffer from extreme depression and social phobia. I can’t […]
I had planned to kill myself last night. I have actually decided to fight.
I think this change has a lot to do with posting to this board. I don’t know why. But posting my story (mostly putting words to my feelings) and seeing other people’s stories (and knowing that others feel how I feel) has made me look at my depression and suicidal thoughts differently. I began to see all my problems with life as a result of my depression rather than being than my problems with life causing my depression. I have decided to seek help (Making an appointment with my doctor tomorrow) and have actually made up […]
its been a tough couple of years..sixth grade and up was bad. my eighth grade year, my dad passed away..two months before i entered high school. R>I.P 7/19 i entered 9th grade alone and lost…i hated the world and i had a huge gap in my heart..from 7th til this day, i used self harm as an escape..after my dad passed away from cancer, i didnt eat and i constantly self harmed..a week and a half before homecoming, i lost all my friends due to rumors that everyone made up..saying i slept around and did drugs..none of it ever happened and none of it was […]
Well I’m 16 and i’ve made a lot of stupid mistakes academically speaking. And just in general. I decided to do online schooling one year in 8th grade because school was so stressful to me at the time. I failed the grade. This made me feel so bad about myself but I went back to school for a solid two years. Managed to pass both grades. Then now, this year, I just didn’t ever go. I had already made up my mind to just commit suicide. I concluded I would never amount to anything but thought, “Hey, I’ll give myself a little vacation first if […]
People always say ‘ there are reasons for being alive, stay here, we need you’ yeah, you need me do you? Well tell that to me the next time you ditch me for someone better. Everyone is better than me. I don’t see the point of being here; I don’t think there is one. I self harm. People tell me to stop but others tell me to keep going. But I have made up my mind. I’m leaving, no one needs me nor do they want me . My own mother has disowned me. She says it’s my falut my sister is dead. She says […]
Hello, I am 15. I am suicidal, I guess. I don’t want to die, but I know I should. I feel the need deep within me. Basicly, I’m gonna spare the details. I am a liar. A big one. I lie about everything. Whether it be how I’m feeling, or what I’m doing, or my life as a whole. These fantasys I create, make me seem interesting. They make me feel like my life isn’t just a drop in the ocean. Ie: I have made up a story about how I used to drink alot, and sleep around. Which is only parcially true. I’ve had […]
I am an artist
Though I cannot paint
I cannot write a novel
I cannot act in a film
Yet I am an artist
My paintbrush is my razor
My story is told through my tears
My film is life and my smile is the main character
I am an artist
Whose painting is in cerise beads
Whose story is in each crystal stream
Whose persona hides a reality behind a perfected smile
I am an artist
An artist with a dark truth
A hidden story
And a made up happy ending
I am an artist
An artist that has ran out of space for […]
I’ve recently moved countries (From America to South Korea) and I know I’m depressed. Theres no doubt about it. I’ve been depressed since i was in 6th grade, so for about 3 years now. And I’ve made up my mind that I’m going to kill myself very soon. People tell me everything’s going to get better but for the past 3 years, everything has been getting worse and worse. I found out about the medicine ******** I believe, but I’m still working on how to get it. I’m 16 and I’ll obviously need a parents permission. I just want this process sped up. But i […]
My friend decided to ruin my life by telling everyone I sent nudes and that I stalk my best guy friend. I’m bullied at school by the popular girls who were once my friends. Someone made up a rumor I called one of the fat And now they harass me sending me pictures of how mad they are at me to my Instagram DM. People on my ask.fm leave comments like “how’s your ass so big?” And “are you staying back? You should you cock sucking whore.” Me and my friends were being silly and dancing in our underwear around my room and I didn’t […]
I’m going to draw a picture
A picture with a twist
But instead of a pen and paper
I’ll use a razor and my wrist
The razor digs in slowly
The line begins to bleed
My wrists are getting bloody
This is the picture that I need
My fingers are getting shaky
I’m finding it hard to think
My throat is getting tight and hoarse
The tears are coming when I blink
I can hear my kitten purring
He’s scratching at the door
My little sister opens it
And finds me laying on the floor
She screams and shouts out “Mommyâ€
My mom’s now running […]
Im sick of this pain after school ends i’m gone i’m finally going to do it… my body is deteriorating from not eating from the 7 ibuprofen i take when i get home from school and when people try and don’t you dare say its selfish i’ve tried and tried to make people listen but they all ignore me i’d rather be dead than to deal with this pain…I’m tired of the pain I can’t handle it anymore I’m sorry but this is goodbye
Rumors are such a terrible thing. Wether its something that is a result of Chinese whispers, or wether it’s done intentionally, I don’t know. Now i’m not someone who is bothered by rumors, because most of the time they’re things that have not even a single brush of truth and they actually are quite humoros when it comes to the stupidity.
But this last rumor really got me.
The rumor going round (at the only boys school which my boyfriend attends – I think boys are more gossipy than girls!) was that I only go out with my boyfriend because I wanted a boyfriend, not because I […]