My tests say that I show extreme Alexithymia traits. Is that actually a thing? I don’t know. I don’t care about/for anyone. I just don’t give a fuck. I’m an awful person to even begin with. If you showed me a video of a child getting sawed, I’d stand stock-still. But if you showed me a video of an animal being abused, I’d flinch at a stroke. I don’t fucking understand myself. I hate humans. You could come to me crying, and I’d ask you to just fuck it and nothing more. I can’t help you with your emotional needs ‘cause I don’t relate. […]
Tag:
Mdd
I’ve been feeling more than just a little down the last few days. I’ve always known that my MDD will come and go, regardless of the good and bad things in my life. The state of the world these days just seems to indicate there is no viable solution to the hate and killing. Why stick around and continue the vicious cycle?
This is One Blood by Terence Jay. A good representation of my attitude.
This book is one of the major reasons my life is on a positive trend in recent months. In Feb and March, as some of you know, I put all the legal pieces together and tied up my loose ends…..I was ready to drive from PHX to SF and act on the lure of the Bridge. I had severe insomnia and had not slept more than 3 or 4 hours in several days. I found this book online, ordered it for my Kindle. I read it straight through (thank you, insomnia).
I don’t have Kevin’s Bi-Polar disorder, nor do I have Schizophrenia….I am diagnosed with treatment […]
I’m so tired of everything. So tired. A basic run through of my life is expected I guess so here goes. My name is Shawn, and I’m a depressed loser who’s 15 and lives in Texas. My depression started when I was a little kid. I was exceptionally smart, to the point of having the IQ of a genius. For this, I was constantly picked on to the point where I had to hide bruises from my mum. In addition to that, I was touched as a child by my stepfather. All of this combined to become clinical depression, before advancing into MDD, MAD, DID, […]
I feel better today than I did last night or the day before yesterday. I guess all of they crying cleansed me in a way. I do not cry for myself, I have been able to overcome my MDD, ADD, and BPD and make a pretty good life for myself. As many of you know, I am not suicidal, I guess you could say I am here to save the world. I understand that some people become angry with people like me and for that I am very sorry.
No, I do not cry for myself, I cry for my son, I cry for the […]
This is the Easter Season (50 days of Easter….it doesn’t begin and end on Easter Sunday).
I’ve been a Christian all of my life. And I am here to tell you that NO act of suicide is cowardice….it takes a strong person to overcome the natural instinct for self preservation and move on to the next life.
I’m 59 years old and I do NOT, for ONE SECOND, buy into the fundamentalist concept of hell. I was raised Southern Baptist and by the grace of God found the Episcopal Church in my early 40’s…after decades of self hate inflicted on me by the SBC. I didn’t develop suicidal ideation […]
I can’t help but hurt people and isolate myself from them. There aren’t enough people who understand what I’m going through in my life. Just one really and she’s alienated from me too. I’m alienated from just about everyone emotionally at this point. I had a really positive and engaging relationship with someone but when my depression came out, she couldn’t understand and moved on. I tore into her because of it and that makes me feel guilty. And it hurt so fucking bad when it was done.
I know there’s a lot of people who have it worse than I do. Today I was […]
I haven’t been on in a while. For those of you who care, yes I’m still alive. I hit a new low today. I found myself smoking out a window at 2 a.m. I was supposed to quit on march 1st. I didn’t. I can’t. It’s the only thing that calms me down anymore. My 1st family therapy session turned into a complain about how much of a problem I am session. I hate this. All of this. My girlfriend is unwilling to go any further in our relationship, my parents r suspicious of my habits, I went back to cutting after 5 days s.i. […]