therapy sessions are getting heavy. considering hypnosis to look into possible abuse. i have been using pot to numb myself-trying to escape from myself. thinking gets me in trouble-the more i think the more i believe the abuse happened. it is scary to believe. opening pandora’s box. i don’t know if i am strong enough to handle what comes out of this. i think about suicide a lot. thinking about other means to an end. the gun option would require a little work. but there are other possibilities within easy reach. there is this feeling of impending doom i can’t seem to shake. been having […]
Means To An End
It is truly hard to say.
But today has become the day.
Swearing to be more.
All to hear your every adore..
I do not want to be adored..
I’d much rather be ignored.
My hate envelopes me.
My blood it falls for only thee.
I once said I’d die without you.
But I never asked what you would do.
Ive sharpened my knife and said my good word.
Though it may never be heard.
Hardly can one accept my means to an end but..
It’s so much easier to bleed by the cut.
I once screamed to your face and begged for your love.
Too many of us simply forget that our little problems won’t result in the end of the world.
Whether you were touched or neglected as a child, dumped in extraordinary fashion as a teen, or had the weight of life crush the very breath from you as an adult won’t have a direct impact on anything as a whole.
More of us need to realize this, I think, because then confronting the issue should be a bit easier. Be more free to try new approaches to your various problems, have the courage to speak up and say what’s on your mind. Have the strength to keep […]
So, here I am, sharing my story with strangers. Maybe that’s the best way.
What can I say…I am not seeing the point in going on with this charade called life anymore. I am 37 years old, and feel that there is nothing to look forward to, except working jobs that I hate that I feel are beneath me for the rest of my life, and being alone.
The dreams I have been pursuing of doing photography for a living have not come to pass. There were a few times when it was starting to look pretty good, but things either came to a grinding halt, or […]