I’ve been suicidal most of my life, delayed because many people gave me false hope (e.g. “Things will get better,” “It’s a temporary problem,” “Life has intrinsic value,” etc.). When do we stop and look, only to find flipping burgers is unfulfilling – when does a man breakdown from the socially approved unfeeling zombified state into tears and try to escape the mediocrity? The answer is when all hope is lost. Death > Life. I once feared the great abyss that awaits us all, but it now gives me solace and peace – not having to grind through each day, day after […]
Tag:
Mediocrity
Sunny yesterday my life was filled with rain.
I have given up to the point of no return, I can’t get out of bed, I don’t go to school, I don’t do anything but sit on my lazy ass all day. My dad has decided to not pay for post secondary, he however will pay me back for every semester I pass , that seems fair to me, it makes for a better excuse as to why I don’t want to go, it’ll be because I’m “saving up “. Im so content with mediocrity  it’s pathetic I don’t want to strive for anything better i just […]
(I’ve been working on this for quite some time)
There’s nothing quite like that feeling of rolling up one of your dreams like an old news paper, and placing it in that ubiquitous furnace in your mind. The place you send thoughts to get rid of them. Like an unpleasant situation, or a traumatic experience, what was once your dream is now your nightmare, and you suppress your thought, realizing it’s beyond you, accepting that your dream…will remain just that. A pigment of the picture of the figment of the imagination. As thin and immaterial as ether. Putting to rest your airy desire for love […]
I thought I had beaten the bad thoughts, but apparently not. They’re back. Again… They’re back, they’re stronger than ever and I’m too tired to face them. I really wish people could know how many times I’ve fought this off…. How many times all I could think of was not waking up again. How many times I’ve drafted the same letter, trying to find the right words to explain to the people I love why I had to leave them. And each time, I get closer… The letter is now 11 pages long. It is placed in the right place to be found by the […]
I thought I had beaten the bad thoughts, but apparently not. They’re back. Again… They’re back, they’re stronger than ever and I’m too tired to face them. I really wish people could know how many times I’ve fought this off…. How many times all I could think of was not waking up again. How many times I’ve drafted the same letter, trying to find the right words to explain to the people I love why I had to leave them. And each time, I get closer… The letter is now 11 pages long. It is placed in the right place to be found by the […]
It’s true I’m worthless. I’m not going anywhere or doing anything. No one wants me or cares about me. No one really understands me. The people around me like me sure, but they wouldn’t be too sad if I went away. I just cant handle the mediocrity anymore. I feel sick to my stomach. I want to puke my guts out and die. I can’t do this. I can’t keep going through the motions, trying to figure why the fuck I’m here. It’s too overwhelming. It’s too much. I want to curl up in a ball and cry, and I do every night. I know […]