i’m sorry about what you all are going through. i’ve had a horrible uncurable mental illness for years.  my life has been pretty cruel. i was subjected to a hate crime that was pretty  much endless. i was happy once but i cannot find it again. my illness is very very cruel, l live with it everyday.  its very painful and hurts me very badly and i also believe i’m going to hell when i die. i’m not a religious person but this world was very harmful. we should believe that life was not supposed to be so HARMFUL to people but it was. i […]
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Meds
This is coming from an agnostic…but I can verify that there is, in fact, something more. When my partner left me (you’ll excuse how disjointed and crazy this is, it was many years ago) when my ex left me at my best friend’s apartment he asked me whether or not I was “stable” I…of course…answered “yes”. I requested on the way there that we stop at the pharmacy so I could pick up some Excedrin. (I got my Benadryl instead.)  I’d never been asked that question before, nor had I considered myself “unstable” I told him I was fine.  I asked him to take me to […]
He’s right.
He ran all kinds of physical tests to make sure there was nothing physical.
He’s a psychiatrist, so there’s no talk time.
Yet he figured out what blew me past the limits of my meds… the voices I hear now… or just noticed that I hear now.
Loneliness.
I’m in another country.
I’ve been abandoned by both wings of my family.
There is not a soul that hears me.
Online people share my words, but not a one knows my face. No one has ever looked me in the eyes.
If they did, they would not believe my words anymore.
I stopped taking my meds.By the end of the month i will have enough.I just hope i get the courage to go all the way.In the past ive been scared and gotten help.dont know why i keep doing that?although im pretty sure theyd let me bleed to death at the hospital.Ive been there to many times for them to care.I remember taking my psych meds and i almost suffocated.Funny how just when your dying instinct kicks in and you fight to live.Damn i wish i could stop doing this already.But the crazy side of me just wants to keep trying.Who knows if ill die this […]
I’ve been feeling depressed for a while now, basically for the last 10 years or so. Really the one person who has kept me from thinking about suicide, and who got me to stop cutting has been my girlfriend for the last four years. A couple days ago she tried to tell me that things weren’t really working out, and basically she thought it would be best if we took a break from being in a relationship. At the time she made a convincing argument, basically saying neither of us has time, effort, or financial stability to deal with a relationship. I’m under the impression […]
There’s no other site like this one in the internet world that I’ve seen, and that I actually like. My relationship with this place is more of a love/hate relationship. I’ve been here many times in the past, the last time ending in an apocalyptic fashion, as I would have described it then. Those days were godless, drama filled, and just black.
So I guess I’m here again not to prove some sort of point like before, but to try and be more creative through poems, short stories, and my descriptions of events, people, and my own self. I don’t expect advice from anyone. To be […]
I’m 21 years old…a college dropout, jobless, single, and I got out of the hospital a few weeks ago after trying to hang myself. I was diagnosed with bipolar type 1 and PTSD in 2010 and every time I try to get help it fails. My meds aren’t working and the past two days have been an emotional nightmare as I’ve been preparing to take my life. I don’t want to be talked out of it either…I just want to share my thoughts before I do it.
I’ve been severely depressed since I was a young child. My father was emotionally, physically, and sexually abusive […]
So Its another day. Again im still here amazing how i can try too pull my life together when its easily falling apart. Like people care. Im not eating.im cutting.Not takeing my meds.My papas drinking all the time i dont understand this anymore whats going on with him ?? i mean hes been acting strange we barely have food in are house because he spends all the damn money on beer.Me and me boyfriend broke up and now i feel lost like everything i had going for me turned out for the worst i mean i loved him. Where Still gonna be friends.. Im going […]
I’ve felt this way for a long, long time. Kind of been going thru the motions, doing what others (or I thought others) expected. Â Going to school, getting a job, married, having kids, etc. Just didn’t seem to care. Â Got divorced a couple of years ago, haven’t talked or seen the ex or kids since then. Just didn’t care. When I try to rationalize it, it seems like it should bother me. But it doesn’t. Actually, I haven’t seen or talked to my entire family. I just don’t have the connections that you would expect between people that are family. Â Never did, I was always […]
I’m bipolar II.
That’s like a bipolar I without the happies.
The fellow that I thought was one of my last friends always told me that if I needed help, I should not run away again, but call him.
I did. Â I did not tell him that I had gotten much much sicker in the head. Â I’d been hearing voices for a while and didn’t notice until now. Â I was getting help from my doctor, but I wasn’t sure how far it would go. Â Hospitalization? Â I had no idea.
I was going to the hospital the next week, so I wanted to line things up with the fellow. […]
I’m new here, but I’ve been following this site for a few months now. I tried committing suicide almost a year ago. I was hospitalized for about 3 days before going into a psychiatric hospital for a week. It scared the hell out of me. I promised myself I never wanted to end up there again. The only people that know about this are my parents and my sister I was too ashamed to tell my best friend or any other family members. I did actually tell one friend from online but she completely laughed at me. Told me I was such a wuss  trying to commit […]
I have been on medication (viibryd) for 6 weeks. doc says it will help. He also gave me clonopin for anxiety at work. I am 42 divorced, no kids, just a great dog who was thrown from a car window and i rescued him. I will not committ suicide and leave my dog. no one would care if i die, i come from a “traditional italian family” your not supposed to have depression, you are supposed to “snap out of it and smile” well i cant. and lord knows i’ve tried and tried and tried. I feel now that since i’ve been with this job […]
f****** right, I just need a really good method. f*** waiting for unfinished business.. any ideas? my plan is to do it before June.. is something I have to do.. not really a choice.. what about catching HIV.. and not taking the meds.. how long would I have to live
so here is my story. i have suffered from major depression for more than 30 years. i first remember being suicidal at age 9. my middle school has 3 stories and i would look out the window wondering if the fall would kill me. never tried and never told anyone about those thoughts. tried the pill and cutting thing in high school. i also drank a lot. in college my dorm was 10 stories. i lived on the second floor. thought about jumping from a 10th floor window everyday. never told anyone about those thoughts either. after being married for just a year some heavy […]
After over a decade of trying to slog on through this bleak existence, and being guilt-tripped continuously into persevering, I am all out of stamina for the fight anymore. Â Too many things, too many broken emotions, too many medical tags stuck onto this tortured, agony-racked being. Â I don’t even think those closest to my heart would begrudge me seeking eternal peace and relief from this cruel world, if they could understand the pain I go through on a daily basis.
I have had 3 botched overdoses with different meds, and tried hanging once but the cord stretched too much, and contemplated stepping off the roof of […]
Im approaching fifty, will be next year. Im a straight male, never married and no kids. I always wanted to be, and always thought i would be a great dad. I spent five years in the US Air Force and sadly got out. To this day, im regretful, it was my purpose in life to retire as a military man but i didnt, i live with this everyday of my life. As well as the fact never marrying or having kids, knowing that i will die and not leave my mark in this world. I have no friends, and havent had a girlfriend in a […]
I just want to say, first off, that I have been following this forum for awhile. You see, I have been trying to help a dear friend. Her depression and suicidal thoughts have been going on since she was a teen. Reading the comments here has really helped me understand what she’s going through.
It has been really rough lately for her. I’m trying to do my best for her. I haven’t been perfect (far from it). I’ve made tons of mistakes. Mostly, flying by the seat of my pants and guessing at what’s coming next.
Her meds were changed recently by her psychiatrist. She’s going to […]
After putting a gun to my head yesterday I decided to go see my psychiatrist today. Â I called the ombudsman in my area about his lack of ethical behavior earlier this year. Â After 4 months, the case was assigned a ‘resolved’ status without my knowledge. Â I MADE THE FUCKING COMPLAINT!!! Â How can it be resolved without me even being notified? Â The agency has lied to the ombudsman from day one and she told me that they told her the situation had been resolved. Â I asked her what the resolution was cause I sure wasn’t included in that decision. Â The agency told the ombuds that they […]
I just don’t see the use of living anymore. I’ve had 4 breakdowns and each one gets worse. Nobody understands. I don’t have money so the only therapy I got was a grad student in psych. He’s a nice guy but not enough to scrap me off the wall. People say suicide is about wanting to end the pain, not so much about wanting to end your life. But I’m always in physical and emotional pain and yeah, I want it to end. BUT when you can’t get the help you need to get better, why fight it anymore? […]
Even though I’m not depressed anymore and nothing bad is happening. I still consider suicide, I know for a fact that’s the way I’m going to die. I’m clear headed and everything. I’m most likely going to OD on heroin or drown myself (: And I don’t listen to people saying “Ohhh your going to hell” There’s not 1 verse in the bible that is against suicide, and it’s not the unforgivable sin 😀
My meds probably have me all “happy” and shet, I hate it I’m not really happy, I’m on drugs for christ sake lol. ANYONE ELSE think the way their gunna die is […]