Still pretending to fix something now, as I have quite literally given up. However, I am a man of my word and I won’t kill myself until June 22nd. Only recently has the pain of depression (and yes, major depression can cause pain) been constant. Previously it has been on and off, but now I can’t shake it. I won’t have any regrets when I kill myself, because it won’t be as painful as my life is now.
Tag:
Mental Pain
All my parents do is make me feel like im not good enough. im sorry i cant be their perfect child. It’s hard trying to keep them happy.
My friends have all became distant. I sit alone on the bus and at lunch. None of them understand. I’ve tried telling them but they dont help. Only i can help myself, i understand that. but i dont know how. im lost.
I told my boyfriend my whole story once. the reason i started cutting. why im suicidal. why im always crying when he calls me late at night. I told him all of my secrets. He made me […]
I have been depressed before. I know what it’s like. I have even cut before but nothing has ever hurt as bad as I feel now. I cut again for the first time Sunday night. I hadn’t cut for at least 3 years before, my mom found out and got me help last time. I won’t/can’t let her find out again. I want help but I don’t want to disappoint my mom again. I don’t hate my life I just hate what I a having to deal with. I don’t want to die but I am tired of living. I am not someone who deals […]
When I self harm I am upset or angry (I may cry) but mostly it is not from the physical pain, but by the mental pain. I can hardly feel it when I am doing it, you just kind of black out and go into a trance and forget the world for a little. Then I feel like a complete moron afterwards when you are hurting so bad from the cut wounds.
I’ve had images of hanging myself, stepping in front of a train or automobile, and now I’m obsessed with thoughts of knives through my arms.
I’ve never cut. I can’t handle physical pain, so why does my mind automatically go toward knives puncturing through my forearms? It wouldn’t be a release for me as I have understood it to be so for other people. Instead, the physical pain would be a distraction to the mental pain. It would also be a punishment.