I hate Life. I hate living. I have lived for so ling and i have yet to find someone that wasn’t “Living the life of kings” Or worshiping the devil with fucing YCMB or whatever those fucking dumbasses call it. Secretly i hunger to find someone like me. Not into those kinds of shit. Anti social, easy to talk to.. Someone i can hug when we both feel sad and want to kill ourselves. Im not sure if this person even exists.. Every girl goes for the alpha these day and not beta fucks like me.. Just today i went to the super marked and […]
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Million Times
As if the time goes “tick tock, tick tock†as if the seconds turn to minutes and the minutes turn to hours and then day by day the sun effects the way you live your life as if now….. You start to rot away!
You begin to write and you turn blank as if you forget how to breathe. You turn pale and flustered as if you turn and a train comes by and your life flashes before one eye…. Opens and you are starring into darkness.
You have horrible nightmares that make you never want to be alone. The darkness takes over your mind and surrounds […]
i was watching a bunch of science videos today on youtube (theyre damn entertaining). i learned that the radius of the universe is 14 gigaparsecs wide. 1 gigaparsec is 3.3 billion light years. 1 light year is 5.88×10^12 miles. 93 billion light years across. thats a ludicrous amount of space and its all full of mostly nothing. the earth is just a small rock floating in all this nothing.
to compare; there are over 1 trillion bacteria on the skin of an average human. these bacteria are about 2×10^-6 meters long. a 6 foot human is 1.83 meters. that means that we humans are almost a […]
Family..”friends”…”lovers” (yes with an S)
If youre reading this, youre probably surprised.
You failed to pay attention to the hurt behind my eyes
To the lies. It mustve been a million times ive said that i was fine.
Dont cry, you wont miss me.
Thoughts with my face will fade like the mist as you live blissfully.
You’ll cry in their faces but rejoice behind backs
You’ll make jokes like “too bad, she hada nice rack”
You’ll pretend with your friends you remebered my figure before i disfigured it. Maybe get hit by a car..if it’s bigger it’s better then. Or find my corpse in the […]
I can’t believe it.
She’s gonna die. She hasn’t died yet, but she’s on the brink.
My BEST FRIEND who has cancer is going to be gone forever. I just don’t know what to do! I can’t help her because I’m not magical, but I can’t help feeling that I’m supposed to do something. Seriously, I’m just lost.
She has an overall positive attitude about it, on the outside. But if you have a best friend, you can tell when they are actually fine and when they are scared shitless. She is scared shitless, and who can blame her?
She has less than a year to live. What am […]
Who Am I? Someone No One Loves. What Am I? A Girl Who Everyone Will Judge. What Did I Do? Honestly, I Don’t Have A Damn Clue. Why Me? I Am Never Complete. Suicide? Overwhelms My Mind. Thoughts Of Dying? Yeah, About A Million Times. Tried Suicide? I Overdosed One Time. Did It Help? No, I Didn’t Die. That’s A Shame. See, I Can’t Do Anything Right. Wish You Were Dead? Always Crossed My Mind. I Hold My Breath.. And I Die. No More Pain? That’s My Plan. Everything Okay? Yeah, Now That I’m Dead..
Sincerely, Me
I’ve said a million times that I would rather be beat up than to hurt emotionally, but it never seems to work out that way. As I found out on Thursday night, even if you are beat up physically, your heart will still hurt.
I am not getting any younger. I am 29, I have a seemingly great life; I have a full time job at a great company, I have a wonderful apartment near my job, I have my two cats that I live with, some great friends, a supportive family… But there is one thing missing – a relationship with myself.
I am constantly trying […]
It is Tuesday in the a.m
I am so tense, there is so much to do to just get out the door.
Physio at ten then the appt for getting on a good track with my life with the resume and skills session at the womans outreach place.
it feels good to dump this tension on here, this helps, woke up a million times through the night and still exhausted but have to keep on going forward
I feel so incredibly not ready for today and my physical symptoms are really really uncomfortable and everything is tensed up to the max.
This is my reality and […]
IM SERIOUS. this is NO LIE. every relationship ive ever been in, has been longdistanced and somene i met online. WHY? what the fuck is wrong with me in person???? i keep track in my mind at school whos single and who aint..well turns out in my grade? im like the only one who isnt walking beside their bf. this is so nerve wrecking like huh am i a loner? maybe. i just wish i knew why im so unappealing in person..im one of the nicest people you’ll ever meet (unless u piss me off and u will wish u never knew me) so ita […]
http://twitter.com/TheRock
http://en.wikiquote.org/wiki/Eleanor_Roosevelt
The Rock pushes me to keep driving my body forward; Roosevelt settles my mind when it all starts feeling too fruitless/nihilistic.
In my mind, I’ve separated death and dying. Death is the one thing I look forward to, when I can just finally stop, cease to exist, back to 0; the weight of this flesh body finally lifted as my consciousness disperses into the cosmos. I don’t think that people are anything more than walking flashlights and I really can’t wait for my batteries to run out. No more guilt, no more expectations, no more desires; just nothing.
Dying is a lot more real than […]
My cousin did it. When he was eighteen, about a week before my fifteenth birthday. Eighteen years old. He had almost graduated high school. He was the greatest person in the entire world to me–my hero, my idol, my best friend. When he took himself away from us, I could not get it through my head. Why would he do this to us? Why would he deprive the world of his existence and leave the rest of us here to pick up the pieces? I simply could not understand.
Now that I am eighteen, I understand perfectly. He viewed the world the exact same way I […]
You’re sitting at your desk, and you know it’s time to go. You’ve said that to yourself over a million times, but this time you know, for sure, is real. You’re tired… you’re just so very tired. You’re parents pissed you off, like school wasn’t bad enough today. You go to get the rope, or the knife, or the gun or whatever you choose to use because you’re that desperate. You’re ready. You think of it as some game… the first one dead is the one who wins. No ones home, it’s the perfect time. You’re ready. If you don’t do it, you’re gonna look […]
This was posted on Tumblr but I felt like it was worth sharing on here:
You’re sitting at your desk, and you know it’s time to go. You’ve said that to yourself over a million times, but this time you know, for sure, is real. You’re tired… you’re just so very tired. You’re parents pissed you off, like school wasn’t bad enough today. You go to get the rope, or the knife, or the gun or whatever you choose to use because you’re that desperate. You’re ready. You think of it as some game… the first one dead is the one who wins. No ones home, […]