Like the title says, this is just a rant about my trials and tribulations. I don’t really know if posting my story will be of any use to anyone but I just couldn’t leave this world without anyone knowing about it. I guess someone should know, even if they don’t really know me. But in all honesty I don’t know if anybody really knows the real me. I wear a mask and pretend to be “normal”. So nobody really knows. They’ll probably never find out either because this page doesn’t link to me in any way. But I figured somebody should know my story and […]
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Millionth Time
I feel desolate. My mind has lost all of the positive light it had gained within the past 2 weeks. Well, I’m here again, at the same place I was a few years ago. I’m supposedly back on the right path, doing everything right or so they say. I’m constantly busy, tired, and thoroughly occupied each day. Between work, school, and training for my next racing season, you’d think there wouldn’t be any time for my depression to suffocate me, right? Wrong. I’ve been suffering so badly lately and I’m sure it’s only going to get worse as the holidays are circling around me. I […]
Let’s see. 4 years. 4 years ago was the first time I took a blade to my own wrist. And now here I am, barely a teenager and I want to die for the millionth time. Whenever something bad happens I automatically think; “let’s save that for later, you can rid the tainted blood with one trip to your special drawer”. But sometimes, sometimes it isn’t enough. Sometimes I just have a thousand thoughts running through my head, all of the bad things that have happened and keep happening. Hey, your antidepressants make you cold all the fucking time. Your dad is never here and […]
I don’t like the person I am anymore. I’m okay on some levels, but in close relationships I become a cold *****. I don’t know how to fix it, therapy hasn’t helped much with the issue. I’m stressed in general, but I guess I just get unhappy.
My boyfriend and I just broke up for the millionth time, what a huge surprise. I’d like to say that this was more his fault than mine but it’s probably pretty even. I’m a really difficult person to be in a relationship with. I’m not sure what to do about it. Truth be told, I feel weary all of […]