i was home alone for the bulk of the day. i should have killed myself whilst i had the chance. i should have gotten it over with.
why am i still alive.
My grandma has been living here because of certain circumstances, but she keeps inviting over my little bad ass cousin and she disrupts the entire house! My grandma even told her it was all right for her to stay today and she missed school. For what? Just to go around and get on everyone’s nerves in the house? The girl does NOT listen at all. She’s a bad apple. Period. The girl finally left today and I heard her tell my grandma “See you next week” so I blew the fuck up at my grandmother because this is NOT just her house.
It’s so inconsiderate to keep having that girl over here when she has no discipline and drives everyone crazy. My granny yells back at me “Who the fuck are you talking to? What are you going to do, leave?” I’m yelling at YOU ***** BECAUSE YOU’RE LETTING THAT LITTLE **** KEEP COMING OVER HERE AND GETTING ON MY NERVES! Respect your elders my ass. Fucking respect other people. Like I said, if this was only her house, it would be different.
I must sound like a monster, but seriously I’m fed up and I don’t care if I pissed her off. I need to move. I can’t take this environment. I just can’t.
A constant force of remorse and transgressions.
I awaken each day to another level of hatred for myself. I don’t want to wake up anymore. A definitive motion of loss.
Shamed. I am shamed with the undignified soul of one not meant to stay here. I know I won’t be missed or mourned. I feel the loss becoming me.
Tortured mind is the one I have. No more reason to stay.
Exhausted in the task of waking. Weak in my heart and soul.
I will leave the light tonight.
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