Tonight was the night i felt i needed someone there.
I usually love being on my own and never felt alone,
but tonight has been different…
I would love a boyfriend, but i wouldnt want them to
have to go through my problems and mood swings.
Would be very unfair on them, so maybe being single
is the decision for now?!
Its been ages since i last wrote on here.
+++ Nothing has changed… Will i be like this forever?
I am still suffering from depression, stopped counselling because it wasn’t helping; but i realized recently i just wasn’t patient enough and i still continue to self harm as a coping method to help me through the mood swings and hatred.
On the plus side… i passed my gcses and started college- which is why my dad says i have no need to cut or be sad. Clearly he doesn’t understand what depression is…
*sigh*
What gets everyone through each horrible night and past the demons?
I recently moved into my dorm room, and I wasn’t given a roommate who actually planned to move into the room so I’ve got a room to myself. Many people have said that it’s great that I have the room to myself but in complete honesty it sucks. Everyone has someone to hang out with because they have a roommate and here I sit all alone. I don’t know where the girls on the floor went but they aren’t here and my depression is setting in. I miss my friends and I miss my sister and her son and her boy friend, I miss just […]
i feel like im slowly relapsing. i can feel myself slipping. i think once i leave it may get better… but theres always a chance it will get worse. i guess ill just have to wait and see.
Hi, nobody’s even gonna read this but I guess it’s better to let it out.
I’m Lara, I live in the UK. I have a loving family, good friends and a pretty great life. I have a lot more than I need and i’m very grateful for what I have. But something just isn’t right. For two years now, i’ve been having thoughts of suicide and have been inflicting pain on myself. I don’t feel the pain anymore. Around the time I started having these thoughts, my friend was diagnosed with slight depression and bipolar disorder but her mood swings were far less severe than mine. […]
Everyone has heard of the term, ‘teen angst’, or at least you should have heard it before. It’s a period in an adolescent’s teen years where many changes are taking place all at once, and it may cause some strange side effects. Depression, withdrawal from family and even friends, ‘out there’ ways of style, and very volatile behavior. These ‘strange’ things happen because of the unbalanced hormones in the teen’s body that are trying to get balanced, preparing them for adulthood.
I am 15 years of age, 16 on July 22nd. I was prescribed Prozac last year around the beginning of June. Now, if my ‘depression’ were to be stemming from teen angst, like many […]
On July 26, 2013, I will be sad, depressed, and all kinds of crap will be going on in my mind. Why? That day will mark the 3rd year that I lost my father to suicide.
My father was the most kindest mad you would have ever met. He would give his shirt off his back to a stranger. He use to tell me and my siblings and friends that “there is nothing wrong with being yourself.”
How can a man with such a big heart want to end all of that? And where was I when it happened?
I was about to take my last exam of […]
I have been clean of cutting for seven months. Seven. I am very proud of that, so freakin proud of it, but there’s just one factor. I want to cut. I have stayed silent for seven months, I have tried something new for seven months, feeling happy about the fact that I am clean, but the want is there and it will always be there. And since I am now living with my father for the rest of my teen life, I am freaking out. Over here, we can’t cut, we can’t get angry, we can’t get sad, we can’t do what we want with […]
i have scars. yeah, they’re pretty bad. all up my arms and legs. But they serve a nice purpose. they remind not to do dumb shit like trust anyone, or believe there is hope, or even believe in general. they remind me that life is one big game of lies, of which, i lose. They remind me that life is like a funhouse mirror, you think everything is perfect until you step in front of one. and then BAM! everything just goes wack. so yeah, I wear black. “typical emo” though right? (*bastards*) I wear black to remind me that everyday is a day to […]
Hey, my name is Jack.
today has been a pretty shit day, just like every other day I guess. In year 7 is when it all started, my dad stopped being my dad.
Dad was working in the Air Force and previously worked in the navy for years, so he is a respectable man. Although while i was in year 7, he got discharged from the air force for injuring his knee and neck. Now I’m 18, I finished school last year, I hated school. I hated the teacher, I hated the education, i hated the school in general. Everyone is so stupid, i honestly felt like one of the smartest people in the […]
Anyone seen Wreck-It-Ralph?
Well, the title’s inspired by it.
Finals are next week. I’m barely keeping up in one class. That class has the E. The rest of them are B’s or higher. Science has never interested me much, and the only time it did was in Biology. That was the only class I liked. And then Accelarated Chemistry this year just tore my mind to shreds.
Just trying to understand the very basics of Chemistry will send me into a suicidal-crying-fit. Now it’s finals, and I still don’t understand 90% of it. I tried to get out of it before, but I couldn’t. So I just tried […]
i love him so much.
but why am i such a ***** to him lately?
probably cuz i feel like he dont care anymore
probably cuz my mood swings are hella bad this time the year.
i cant lose him ever. even if sometimes i wish hed just back off.
I DONT MEAN IT! i need him more then anything. i miss the way him and i used to be
yeah we live far apart but maybe thats why. maybe just maybe i need him here. but no arguing with him day after day i think i might have just pushed him away.
devin, im […]
As the title states, this is my first post. I don’t even know what  to say except that life feels meaningless.
If I wasn’t such a chicken shit I’d probably have offed myself back in college, but I’ve always been too scared to do it.
My depression started like a spiderweb crack– at first, it was isolated, but now it has spread and I feel like I bring misery to everyone who loves me. I lose everyone who gets close to me because they meet me and I seem so great and bubbly and fun to be with, and then they slowly have to watch me sink […]
Ive lost/about to lose everything that is important to me. I let some outside factors take over and rule my life. Making my relationship suffer and eventually costing me the only person who really matters. It all started when my dad was tricked into accepting stolen property. My dad is an old sick gentle man who has survived cancer. He still needs a lot of medical attention but now he has two felony accounts on him. During the same time my band i have been with for 5+years breaks up and one of best friends goes to jail for something he didnt even do. So […]
HEADCASE.
HEADCASE.
HEADCASE.
MAKE.IT.STOP.
uncontrollable anger. dissociation. guilt. mood swings.
LOST EVERYONE. no family, no friends, no NOTHING.
i dont want to die. but im not alive.
is there any other option?.
FUCK.
My lack of tenacity to anything and everything applies I guess just as well to my suicidal thoughts. They come and go but they are never enough to make me actually do anything. Its more a coping thing. It has been a few months since I have felt this low and un-like reality, when I ***** about my petty white kid problems you all kind of listen. Which is cool so I can keep my crazy priviate and un-identified. Since I am obviously to ***** to do it I have decided begrudgingly take on reality head on for thirty days. Thirty days just giving it […]
I’m currently at work, my back is killing me, Still, I manage to keep a normal expression on my face, but I’m in pain, my back has been hurting me for the past 3 days and it’s just getting worse, I’ve put icy hot to calm my muscles but still, the pain is there. Last week my hair began to fall out so much, not just what you would expect, like if I run my fingers through, I’d pull out about 20 each time or more, it’s scary, I’m so afraid of brushing it now. Is it because I’m stressed out? Last night my ex […]
A few days ago i was diagnosed with bipolar not otherwise specified. my medication that my pyschiatrist is only enhancing my mood swings. its horrible. i feel like im going crazy and im a ticking time bomb. i almost threw objects at my sisters at two different times; today and yesterday. its getting really bad.
I don’t know why I’m writing this, maybe it’s to release all my feelings somehow but I don’t think it’ll make a difference. I didn’t have a great childhood. My parents always fought and my dad was/is abusive. It hurt to see him hurt my mom and my two younger sisters. I used to care that he hit me but I got used to it and I just wanted to protect everybody else. Heck, I used to crave him abusing me because in my head that meant scars, bruises, belt marks. Evidence. I hoped that one day it would get so bad that someone would […]
this is really hard for me to post this.
i feel like i should. but I’m so nervous about even sharing it with people i will never know.
it started back when i was about 13. I felt really down. I didn’t really have any main friendship groups. I was having trouble with my family ad i just always had this feeling of being useless. I held a blade to my wrist. I wasn’t really sure what I was doing. I just felt like this was a way to make the pain seem real. and i still have scars there today 3 years later. This went on […]
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