Yup, that’s me. Moron extraordinaire. I dunno if that’s a word but it is now. I’m a moron. I’m the moron of morons. Im the king of idiots and bad choices and stupidity. God knows other people have told me that enough. But you know what? I’m perfectly fine with being a moron. In fact, I quite like it. Everyone’s trying to be something they’re not and I’m just chilling being a moron. I’m one step ahead of you, society. Ha!
After putting a gun to my head yesterday I decided to go see my psychiatrist today. Â I called the ombudsman in my area about his lack of ethical behavior earlier this year. Â After 4 months, the case was assigned a ‘resolved’ status without my knowledge. Â I MADE THE FUCKING COMPLAINT!!! Â How can it be resolved without me even being notified? Â The agency has lied to the ombudsman from day one and she told me that they told her the situation had been resolved. Â I asked her what the resolution was cause I sure wasn’t included in that decision. Â The agency told the ombuds that they had talked to me and it was all good. Â FUCKING LIARS! Â I told her that was bullshit. Â No one had talked to me because I notified them that ALL (as in ALL) future communication to me about the issue be directed to the ombuds. Â I did this because my Â psyche doctor is a sociopath (or narcissist or psychopath or whatever a doctor would diagnose him as.
He has a 20+ year good reputation in this county. Â And he’s smooth as FUCK. Â He is a total FUCKING ASSHOLE when I am in the room with him alone. Â When another staff person at the agency is in the room with him & I (I requested this happen EVERY SINGLE TIME I meet with him) he is a WHOLE different person.
I WILL make it known who he really is. Â He has NO BUSINESS working with the mentally ill. Â We are one of the most vulnerable segments of the population.
The first words out of my mouth today were, “I need med changes/increase/decrease or whatever you (as in he) decide to help with my depression & anxiety.” Â His response was toÂ reiterateÂ Â the dosing schedule of my meds. Â WTF?!?! Â I can read. Â I can comprehend what I read. Â I AM DEPRESSED!! Not a moron. Â Then he closed my file and was about to stand up. Â So I asked him if he was going to address the depression. Â He stood up, walked to the door, said, “Okay” (in that tone of voice that lets me know he is done with this conversation ) Â And he opened the door and said, “We’re done.” Â Again, WTF?!?!
I was so irate at his lack of morality and professionalism once again that I screamed at him he better do something cuz I put a gun to my head yesterday. Â He then walked directly out of the room and brought in the director of the agency. Â Good move, doc. Â I don’t feel cornered at all now!
After the director came in the room, and I asked the doc 3 times to leave the door open before he finally agreed – after making an issue of it of course, (if he wants to treat patients this way then his colleagues should know about it!! Â I will give up my HIPPA rights to expose this sick bastard!) the docs demeanor changed instantly. Â Now, with the director in the room, he was calm, professional, addressed my needs and sure as hell didn’t ask me to leave his office. Â Only a SICK ************ would be rude, hostile, condescending and unethical the way he is when there are no witnesses.
I called the agency after I left and told the director that I was calling the ombuds again and this time I was going to file a grievance. Â Grievances filed look real bad on an agencies records. Â I don’t want to do anything to hurt the agency (it really is a great agency with some AMAZING staff) but I will not let the doc continue to hold a position of any type of power over the mentally ill in this community. Â Many of them are my friends and acquaintances.
THAT ************ WILL PAY FOR UNETHICAL BEHAVIOR. Â Even if I have to stay miserable until he is exposed, he will hide no longer.
His name is Dr. George Mecouch. Â If you know him or go to him, I hope you take this post as a warning. Â He is not a good doctor or human being.
I really do fucking hate people.
ARE YOU LISTENING, DOC?
My family are all two-faced bitches! If only i had known sooner, i would have never had anything to do with them, although they caused me loads of problems from 2008-2010 so i don’t know why the hell i didn’t come to terms sooner, i’m most likely retarded… All i know is i hate them!
I made a post a couple months ago about a girl that I loved who cheated on me and left me. And how I thought that I had nothing left. Thanks to you guys I moved on and forgot about her. But she came back into my life and acted like snitching was wrong. I didn’t want to be mean, so I welcomed her presence. She led me on again and I fell so the same trick. She got me to care for her again and broke my heart again. I’m a moron for falling for it but the real problem is that I haven’t been happy in months. I don’t feel like taking my life and ending it, because I have a strong belief that those who commit suicide go to hell, but I need some way to cheer up, and I just haven’t found it at all. I don’t know what to do and once again my faith is not going to hold me up for very long.
Sigh, ok, here goes “my story”… (like anyone fuckin cares lol)
The trigger this time was finding out my bf has been online trying to cheat on me. Again. I had tried to forgive him and work thru this in the past, 4 other times but obviously I am aÂ fucking total idiot moronÂ for thinking anything might change.
We have been together for 3 1/2 years. Some of that time was long distance, 3000 miles apart. I loved him with every part of me, I thought we were going to have a life together. I was going to go see my fertility doctor about pregnancy advice bc he asked me to look into it (I have a fertility disorder). He was looking for a new place and said he would get an extra key made for me, or look for a biggerÂ apartment soÂ I could live there if I wanted, at least heÂ told me he wanted me to…
I really thought I found my love, and now I’m crushed to know I loved a ghost, a lie, an illusion. It is crushing me to know someone would do this to me. Especially when he knew about my past. I think that’s even why he “chose” me as a “victim”?
I could probably handle this situation except I have no support or friends or family.
My mother is an ignoring narcissist who once, I reached out to during a suicidal mode, only for her to say “Oh, for Gods sake just do it already”. So needless to say I cannot go to my mother for any womanly advice. Even tho in my childhood, sheÂ wasÂ with someone whoÂ cheated on her, and I remember it all very well. She could have advice for me but she chooses not to help me out. I’m her only child…
I don’t have a “best friend” anymore bc a couple years ago, she slept with someoneÂ I was dating and never told me until one night while she was drunk. I think she only told me bc she could see I was actually happy with my new bf (now ex) and wanted to crush me a little bit. She was def also a narcissist, never a friend.
Also in my past, and abusive ex bf who told me I should kill myself for Christmas and that my mother didn’t love me. He tried to strangle me, finally he was charged with assault for trying to bite my lips off (yes, seriously, &Â I was lucky).
I wish he had killed me that day.
I called my father the other night out of desperation for someone to talk to. He told me I needed to get a life and move on, that I needed to learn how to be a woman and that I needed to grow a backbone. He may be right but fuck, grind the salt right into the wound why dont you?!
People who don’t know me well think I am just fine and that there’s nothing wrong w me bc I’m slightly attractive as if that somehow makes life better. If they don’t see it that way, then they see me as a meal like everyone else does. Women are jealous and don’t like me for some reason. I don’t have any male friends bc they’ve all revealed that they are attracted to me.
Because of my parents’ attitudes, I have learned somehow to surround myself with ppl who don’t care about me, and if anything, see me as someone to take advantage of and victimize.
The only things stopping me from suicide are 1- having a 100% sure way of being successful 2- my 87 year old grandmother. She is the only reason I’m not dead yet, bc she needs someone. My family doesn’t check on her much. The guilt I feel when I think of what my death would mean for her, is the only thing stopping me now.
There is a paranoid part of me that says she is just the spokesperson for the rest of these psycho narcs I know. That she just tells me to be strong bc she is trying to keep me alive as the whipping boy. That as long as I stay alive, everyone else can have an enjoyable life bc I take all the pain. That is the balance. But what if I don’t play along anymore? What if I say no more, and take myself out?
There is no imagining all the ppl who would be sad if I died. LOL. They prob wouldn’t even find time to attend my funeral.
No matter how much I give ofÂ myself,Â evil finds me every time. I don’tÂ deserve this and I’m sick and tired of hoping for something better, it isn’t going to happen. The sooner I get it into my head the better off I am. Only my heart and soul wont let me go cold for some reason and I hate that. IÂ can’t even beÂ good at being a *****. I’m fucking pathetic, no wonder these ppl bite and chew pieces off me.
I understand that the Golden Gate Bridge is a good place to jump. I also understand that a train is extremely effective in successful suicides. I would have to arrange some things, like my phone bills and internet/cellphone accounts etc. Also, clear out the fridge and make sure my grand has whatever she needs. I live very close to some train tracks. There is also a river and a steel train bridge with griders, but I don’t know how to tie knots.
I think I may look into these options. I am very tired of thinking about it, and I know my family is too…
Thank you to anyone who took the time to read this message <3
When I self harm I am upset or angry (I may cry) but mostly it is not from the physical pain, but by the mental pain. I can hardly feel it when I am doing it, you just kind of black out and go into a trance and forget the world for a little. Then I feel like a complete moron afterwards when you are hurting so bad from the cut wounds.
I’m sorry if I snapped at anyone at all. I was merely trying to argue and was protecting others while explaining his position. (Sumer) Venom, don’t hate me because I side with someone. I’m the neutral party, if anything no one needs you to ***** out because they shared their ideas. Sumer don’t troll on here. These people are delicate. As am I. Don’t tread on the Bald Eagle. You are a rodent. Now scurry along and infest the russians home as they spill vodka over your body. Don’t hate the americans for the propaganda the russians spill.Â
Listen to the people that care, don’t hate the soldiers following orders. Hate the politicians, the world leaders, the soldiers that follow or dont follow orders that kill innocent lives. Those are the ones to pay. Not an american that gives money to a cause, no matter if it’s spare change nor $100.Â
Love thy neighbor, turn the other cheek. Don’t use an eye for an eye! Haven’t you heard it makes the whole world blind. Please don’t be an ignoramus. Love each other, these people haven’t had much love in their lives. They learn to hate, they learn to kill…Â
I was devastated when I was banned. This is my home, no matter who you are there are people here watching out for you. Don’t fill our heads with your propaganda. Save that for a news website. We don’t care about world affairs (unless it has a law to allow suicide, then I’m moving there.)Â
I may not have my point across clearly, and maybe my words are skewed a bit. But I want to say I’m sorry. I just wanted to smile for a bit, letting this idiot use his freedom of speech to look like an irrelevant moron.
I’m so hapy to be back. I’ll amside with you the whole time now. I don’t Â wanna get banned again -_-
I’ve lost someone to suicide. It’s the most enraging experience I’ve been through. There is always that little part of you that can never grieve or get over it, because they chose to end their life. It’s one of the most selfish acts I’ve ever know.
So then, how did I end up thinking about it? First objectively – I don’t want to die, don’t be stupid. I can just understand why some people feel it’s their only way out.
Then, less objectively – I still don’t want to die, per se. I just want to be someone else. I have no idea how I managed to care so little about who I am or what I’m going on to achieve. I’m so unmotivated. I could sit here on my couch for hours and do nothing but watch tv. That’s how energetic I feel.
I feel like a fraud even here – you guys have actual issues to work through. I’m nothing but a whiny ***** who would have a lot more if she just got off her fat arse and actually did something.
All I know is how terrible I feel about myself. Calling myself a stupid b*tch, a c*nting wh*re, the biggest f*cking moron that ever lived… I could go on.
I failed an exam 2 days ago that would have aided my career exponentially. Instead, I can’t believe I ever thought myself smart enough to attempt it, which just goes to show why I can’t pass it. I would be nicer to myself if I had a reason to be, but none have been forthcoming.
I’m sick of failing. Sick of not being able to make things work – my marriage (now divorce), my job…. any man in my life is a complete dropkick loser. luckily I have several to choose from and if I weren’t so guided by my wh*re of a vagina I would probably be a better person about that too.
Ah. I’m not making sense and I’m sorry. Hell, it’s not like anyone would read this….
I don’t even know why I’m here right now, I just don’t know what to doÂ anymore. I hear nothing but the same everyday,Â tedious, asinine commentary that hums along relentlessly. I have no one to talk to about anything remotely real or of any interest to me. I don’t care about anything; I just want this to be over.Â All I’m capable of feeling is misery, zombie-like boredom andÂ some fake short-lived ecstacy . I just have no appreciation for life; absolutely nothing makes me feel genuinely happy. I’ve lived my life in those brief moments, however fleeting, and once I come down I only feel worse than before. I just want to talk to someone who knows what it’s like to feel like an alien in your own body; who knows how it feels to sob to the point of breathlessness over absolutely nothing; who knows how it feels to lieÂ staring at the wallÂ for days unable find the will to move; who knows how it feels to be on topÂ of the world andÂ who knows what it feels like when you suddenly fall. I want to be able to say how I feel without sounding like a complete moron or a whiny little ***** but I don’t know what it’s like to feel human. I don’t care about anythingÂ becauseÂ nothing feels real.
Anyway…sorry for complaining, I’m very drained today :P. But I feel like I’ve built a family-I’ve-never-met here and since I can’t talk to anyone else, here I am. Hopefully I’ll be out soon and no one will have to listen to me anymore. For now I just don’t know.
I have been irritated off and on like a bipolar fuck, no patience in the world mainly because my dad’s too much of a tight ass to let me spend one fucking day with my cousins because their mom is never home yet my other aunts and uncle live there too but no getting through that moron unless another adult tells him that. He told me he needed me to earn his trust again after one of my cousins snitched on me and Alex about smoking weed, apparently together yet we never did. I cant believe this shit. I am angry as fuck and just wanna smoke some weed yet i dont have any way pf getting it since im mot a chronic smoker so i have only done it once every few months. Best to say that im bipolar, unless theres something where im normal one instant and get pissed off aother unless this damn video game black ops is the cause of this intese rage.
I really want to kill myself. I now came to reality knowing i am in love with my cousin yet she already has a lot of other guys wanting her too so its normal for her to feell wanted. Fuck this is a laggy fone. I have no where to vent and talking is shit because if you bring up religion or peeve me off a bit i will rage on again. Fuck this.
I need antidepressants and anything to keep myself calm. My mom bought me a shitty headset for my ps3 that wont connect for christmas and she told me after reading some posts awhile back that she wants me to stay alive and thats why she wants to buy me shit. I am a spoiled piece of shit and ignorant of everything. Just let me fuckig die. I think i will starve myself again, i think i starved myself before for the same reason. Just to hurt my fucking self. Self-pity repels others and lessens ur worth or some shit like
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