Just wanted to let everyone know that I’m really thankful I found this place. I feel I can relate to a lot of other people here and it makes me feel a lot less alone. This is the one place where I don’t have to keep my secret and I can really be myself and no one will try to change that. I’m just appreciated and excepted. Thanks all!
Tag:
my secret
Ive posted a lot on this site and though the battle to end my life has been unsuccessful im thankful for the days i do get with my family and hope i fail this time to though i think i may succeed this time.i have something called a conversion disorder which means mental stress converted into physical symptoms so temporarily i can’t walk or move or sometimes even speak based on stress and it’s gotten worse as my suicide date comes closer i believe its a sign that i may not make it this time and that is scary yet i cant stop at least […]
im living on borrowed time here because i cant find the courage inside of me to commit suicide, and its tearing me apart. i want everyone to forget that i exist. i wish i could live in the shadows so that if i died, no one would notice and i wouldnt hurt anyone. i havent attempted anything but im scared that ill fail and ill have to live with everyone knowing my secret. my depression is my secret and ive been living with it for three years. it started when i was fourteen and i felt the depression grow with me. as i got older […]
Hidden beneath the pile of forbidden fruit
Lies emotions that whisper nothings sweet and crude
an attitude of lust and a beauty everlasting
brings with it the terror of an unexpected sting
the warm rush of feelings never felt
hand of avarice and wickedness ive been dealt
no doubt that i dont know what lifes all about
but i wear a mask and play the part and pretend to know the route
existence is the devils mistress and you wont be remiss to hear me say i dont miss this
the heart wants what it wants so get a grip
blood to spill and im insatiable ill take it all drip by putrid drip
a skip […]
i was so cough with the thing that i was writing the i forgot, i forgot to introduce myself.
So hey, my name i’ll keep it anonymous but you can always call me Y, i’m 14, i’m a girl and yes i’m dealing with depression, from quite a while actually (since 2010) well not really a while.
Hmm yeah that’s all
hmm if you want to you can always check my secret account on instagram @cant.fixme (pretty much the same username)
And that’s all…. well for now
When I was 16 years old, I was at the peak of a very dark place.
Everything really started when I was twelve. I hated myself, and everybody else hated me, whether it was too my face or behind my back. I allowed people to walk all over me because I wanted to have friends, no matter how little they were actually friendly. Just people I could sit with at lunch, or talk to during class. I hated being alone. I still do. I started cutting a few months after I turned twelve, when I overheard one of my “friends” talking about it with someone else.
I […]
I bathed in melancholy as I listened to this piece. It made me want to kill myself, immediately. It brought up so many hurt and despair in me I couldn’t bare. I left home. Well, not before I synced it into my music player. I went to my secret place, a small piece of nature surrounded by the big houses of my neighborhood. It was afternoon and the sun was nice on me. Everything was nice, because when you have cancer even the dickheads from the office can manage to swallow their jokes. I called my psychologist. She didn’t answer. I sat down by a […]
Today.
21 january.
One year.
One year of self-harm.
One year of cuts.
21 january.
21 january 2012.
The day.
The day I started cutting.
Cutting on my hands.
Cutting on my feet.
Cutting on my hips.
Cutting on my belly.
Cutting on my lower arms.
Cutting on my wrists.
Cutting on my chest.
I can remember that day as yesterday. Saturday 21 january 2012. I grabbed a scissors and started to scrape and scrape on my hand until there was a little scar with a very little bit of blood. I did it, couldn’t go back. Well, it doesn’t matter, right? It was just […]