You said: ”I’ll go to another country, go to another shore,
find another city better than this one.
Whatever I try to do is fated to turn out wrong
and my heart lies buried as though it were something dead.
How long can I let my mind moulder in this place?
Wherever I turn, wherever I happen to look,
I see the black ruins of my life, here,
where I’ve spent so many years, wasted them, destroyed them totally.”
–
You won’t find a new country, won’t find another shore.
This city will […]
My next surgery is coming in a week. It is exploratory since doctors are still trying to figure out my body. I am done. I do not ever want to see another doctor, have another surgery, I am done. I am unable to even try committing suicide right now because I am busy with commitments to the odd-jobs I do in the neighborhood. I need these jobs as I am poor and can’t be turning down offers of work. But I don’t allow myself to attempt suicide during these job commitments because if I failed and was placed in a psych ward I fear people […]
Imagine this if you will. You’re transgender. You grew up in a poor, abusive household where you lived in constant terror and stress. Your parent-captors told you if you didn’t tell CPS they would pay for you to go to school, but they meant the terrible community college in the neighborhood. You are disabled mentally and physically. You have chronic pain from fibromyalgia and a back injury, and migraines constantly. You’re completely broke because no one wants to hire a young transsexual much less one that’s disabled and doesn’t even have a degree yet because you were homeschooled by incompetent idiots and completely fail at […]
I used to have the bestest friend ever. You know, like the one that lives in your neighborhood and you guys hangout everyday. This year, she started hanging out with one of my old friends named Jenna. I mean, I thought we could all hangout together bc that would be fun! But no, and I would realize too late that I was being replaced.
One day during a hurricane, me and my bestest friend went to my grandfathers house during a storm. Because of the storm, the power was out at both of our houses (so I took her to go to my grandfathers house to […]
Feeling overwhelmed again and feel that crazy need to DO something; so I am going to write as honestly as I can in hope of clearing my head and maybe helping others to not feel so alone..
I am 19 years old, going to a community college in hopes of learning everything I can about computers and eventually getting a PhD. (programming and hacking take me to a different place, a place where I am extremely intrigued and life actually seems interesting because there is so much to it.)Â Normally I just get tired of waking up to the same routine everyday, not so much that […]
i live with my parents (again) and i’m 28 years old, nearly 29. i work on computers for 40 hours a week. over the past year i have cleared up a lot of debt (largely in part because mom and dad have not charged me rent and put a dinner on the table for me). i’m coming up on a year at my current job; the end of May marks both my 1-year anniversary and my birthday.
about this time last year i was calling the police on some dumb ***** and her self-centered daughter when she threatened my life. i was such a wreck, racing […]
My name is Kyla. I am 15 years old. I think I will start this with a timeline.
June 11, 1997- Born
I was born in Calgary, Alberta. That’s in Canada for those of you who don’t know.
The first two years of my life were spent in my grandfathers house, located in a quiet and respectable community, as my parents were poor and couldn’t support themselves.
I was raised in a neighborhood that was known for its criminals. We lived in a run down townhouse. Â Our neighbors were drug addicts and whores. We even lived next to a crackhouse.
Police sirens were always wailing in the background, and it […]
…it came to me like a freight train plowing through molasses.
Society is slowly growing so stupid that it soon will not be possible to express it in words.
It is an existential stupidity.
In the frozen food aisle at the grocery store, right next to the chicken-nuggets, there was a section for frozen-yogurt dog-treats. Dog treats. Made out of frozen yogurt. I’m not sure what to make of it… Then, while in the meat department, I noticed a sign above one of the sectionals which said, “Natural Meats,” with an arrow pointing down. No thanks, I thought, I’m looking for the unnatural meats. Like cloned bats and […]
so i love swimming, i realized why i love it so much. the water. the pool in my neighborhood is HUGE and the area around it is big to i love to run from the gate and a huge leap in the air and be swallowed by the water while im under water thoughts rush through my mind and i can think. its so peaceful and i feel safe. i love swimming but only under water, the feeling of be short of air,the calmness of not hearing anyone call my name to do stuff for them. its amazing. nothing else like it. i love the […]
Does anyone else feel disgusted with themselves? I feel embarrassed  just being myself sometimes. Today I was with a friend, just talking and walking around the neighborhood and the whole time all I did was fidget and think about how I hate my appearance and hope that nobody is looking at me. It’s so hard to be happy.
They say you are shaped by the bad experiences. That what does not kill you makes you stronger. That all good things come to those who wait. Don’t wait for good things to come you must fight to get what you want. Travel the path less trodden. There is a fork in the road. A narrow path, and a wide winding path. Choose the most exciting.
I have heard so many contridictating sayings in my life that it can make one explode with uncertainty. But that’s where my experiences come in.
I’ve trodden forward before. I’ve survived bullying, teasing, physical abuse from peers. Verbal abuse from my […]
I have survived abuse, car accidents, living in gang riddin, drug-dealing neighborhood as a child, being married to a cop and having him take my kids and do weird/mind fuck type things to get back at me for leaving him, jail, drug addiction, homelesness, being outcasted from any blood family I new of (I didn’t grow up knowing family really). IDK I’ve been through a hell of alot and all I hear from people that I am strong and what am I gonna do with my life. “I have soo much potential” I’m told.
I’m sick of being here. I am sick of the […]
So, my wife fucked another dude about 2 years ago and then left me for the guy I caught her with. Â I then got fucked over by the feminist judge after the Mrs. pleaded the BS “emotional abandonment routine” in court even though we had what I thought was a great relationship and now I pay her about 90% of my paycheck. Â On top of that she got the house, the kids, blah blah blah. Â Her and her family then got her sister to come out and said I had slept with her when I had not and she was 15 at the time so […]
I have spent the last two weeks in bed. I have no desire to get out of it. I feel like i am dead but still alive. I am worthless and dont deserve anything. I was the last born in a family of five. My parents had me late in life. My brother who was twelve when i was born was murdered. My brother had a friend that was dealing drugs and setting fires. He was going to testify against is fromer friend. His family had my brother killed. He was struck a car late one night and died of massive head and chest. It […]
so tired. My apartment has rats in the ceiling.
I had 2 weeks of peace as I’d moved into my new apartment. Before then, I was at my mothers for 2 month, at my dads friends house int he burbs for 1 month and a half and then ina shitty, insect fiiled apartment before that(for about 8 months).
Before that I had the dream apartment in the dream neighborhood but I had to move because I was paying too much rent. The cost of perfection was half my monthly pay. Since Jan 1 2011 I’ve been cold(uncomfortable), but like I said, I had two wonderful weeks […]
I used to be happy.
When I was young I had the perfect family, and together we resided in a great neighborhood. We even had a picket fence(well, it wasn’t ours, it belonged to our neighbors, but still it was there, next to our house.) I did get teased a lot in school for being shy and for my poor fashion choices, but my happy life at home and the few good friends I had seemed to atone for all that negativity, so I wasn’t sad that often.
But then, in the year 2002 we could no longer afford to live in our house-the landlord had raised […]
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