i had to abandon my two best friends 4 months ago. we were three and we had that kind of friendship that we couldn’t stay all day without seeing each other. we were brothers.
my friendship had started with them and along with this friendship i started to do cocaine. we all did cocaine. we were three cokeheads. three junkies. but fuck! we were three mothercuking brothers, and that no one can deny.
but when i was with those brothers, i forget about my real ones. my real brothers. my brother, my sister and my parents. i forgot my family. i and i’m sorry for that, for real. i love them all. and it’s a bliss that they never gave up on me.
and mommy and daddy, of course, they put me into a clinic.
but now, after beeing 4 months clean, after passing through 4 months without seeing my best friends – my brothers -, i reiceved a phonecall.
it was them. the two cokeheads. my drug buddies. my brothers.
it was bliss when I answered the phone, when I heard their voices. “why don’t you come here in the block someday? you stopped and we won’t let you to return. we won’t drag you to coke again. ”
motherfuckers! during these months i stayed clean, and during those months I always think about those guys. every fucking day. cuz they were my best friends. my brothers. they’re two junkies? hell yeah. but i didn’t had any other friends like them. Â i miss them so fucking much.
tuesday or thursday. these are the days that i can meet them again.
it will be hidden. no one can knows. my parents. my family. even my new friends. Â no one should know about this.
should i? should i meet them again? cuz there is a risk. there is always the risk. when reencounter those guys again, those places – there is a fucking huge risk.
there is a risk. and there is a problem. i won’t die without seeing those guys again. or, i need to see those guys again, before they die. i want to see them.
but… cocaine. i loved cocaine so fucking much.
and sometimes… comes in my head that image of us: the three coke heads, the three coke-brothers. just us, shooting and shooting, and screaming fuck you to anyone!
i need those guys, man. they’re part of my life, which is now incomplete because of their absence.
and i want cocaine. “did you ever get that feeling?”
i want to feel like a God again. just one more time.
the three gods. the three cokeheads. the three brothers.
i need them. and i think i’ll meet them again. soon. i think i’ll snort again. soon.
OH FUCK! but after the high passes, it’s just my brother and sister, both crying. sissy is always depressed. she’ll commit suicide. mommy… shes fine. but shes old. soon she’ll die. dad too. i’d wish i never had disappointed you, dad. i’m sorry. forgive me. at least he will fly: brother. my real brother. i love you so much, brother. you’re a fucking genius. brilliant. you’ll be a great artist someday. maybe fifty years later, we’ll see your name on history books.
i wish i had someone to talk.