I feel like the biggest waste of space. I feel like I am unwanted. I just want to be accepted. I just want to have friends that always want to hang out. I want to be the one in the picture, not the one taking the photo. I don’t want to be the fifth member, or the other one. I wish I was different. I wish I was happy.
Wouldn’t it be better if everyone of us could live in his/her own unique madness?
Leave the madman in his madness
And don’t try to bring him to his senses
You don’t know what is hidden
Inside the mind of a madman
He might find in his madness
Everything he has desired
And wasn’t able
To see and to obtain
Leave the madman in his madness
Leave him in his dream
He’s been sick and tired of this world
And he created one of his own
Ugh. I feel like I’m falling behind everyone. Like, I used to be top of my class and now I have a D in WHAP. (AP World History). I can’t answer anything correctly and like, every time I think I know the answer and pick it I end up missing the question no matter how much I study. The AP test is Thursday and I am so so so not ready for it. I’m studying like crazy and I still think it’s not enough.
Like, I’m not even supposed to be here yet I am and then I can’t see myself next year and I can’t anymore. Like I rly just want to die. I can’t write, I can’t focus, I can’t learn, I can’t do anything right. I’m just a failure. I should just do everyone a favor and kms.
I have no friends at school and my friend from last year isn’t really my friend and I think we’re drifting so I have no friends that I can talk to and all I want to do is go back to DBT Group where I had friends and people I could talk to and relate to and I didn’t feel like I was annoying them. I think I’m annoying everyone. Like ugh. I’m just a nuisance and should just kms.
Hell. It’s either death or blood. I dunno. I’m done trying to get better.
GENDER IDENTITY STUFF
Nvm. I’m too lazy. I’ll deal with this later.
Lost my job. Got bills. Leg ulcer that is killing me. No family. No friends. Plus, I get the “bonus” of living in America which means that without money I will eventually become one of the walking dead on the streets. Love to live in this isolating, uncaring, self absorbed society. Opportunities abound!! As long as you have the money to pay for them!!
America only works for the managers and bosses who pay employees as little as they can to maximize their own profit. Heaven forbid they should want to share the wealth they made on the backs of the employees that actually made their business happen.
Haven’t posted in weeks,
Have sat around, friendless, lonely.
Solitude is my best friend, though.
Oh, forgot: Gotta blame myself on the “friendless” part. I cut them out– spare them.
2 more months and I’m out, I promise the world. Until then, I have no friends. Until then, friendless.
I need a friend.
no reason to keep on going.
i’m barely able to do anything.
at least i’m not depressed any more, but i sometimes miss feeling the sadness.
i spend most of my time thinking about suicide.
Wish I could just end this! Something or the other always stops me. I never wanted to live. My life is harsh on me and it is difficult to survive it seems. I am just another normal 14 year old teenager but what goes on inside me is unknown to everybody. I am so pressurized by studies and coaching. Every time I have a new coaching to attend and i am supposed to handle everything. I can’t! I am just a human being! My parents have cut off my connection from the outer world (except school where i have no friends basically. Actually they just pretend to be with me but they have always left me in the most difficult situations that i have faced). My parents don’t let me go out and play and have a walk and stuff because they think that i should be sitting in my dark dungeon a.k.a my room and study. I keep myself locked up in my room. I daily shed tears. My eyes and my throat are soar and well if you talk to me after that you might not feel like talking to me because you might be sad. There is like no one to help, no one who gives a fuck about my life. Probably if I just die, the world will remain the same. The classroom will remain the same. For my classmates it’ll be like ‘just some other kid who went out of school’ and my family will cry for two days and after that i’ll be just a picture on a wall . THAT’S IT! There are like a bunch of medicines, a blade and a piece of glass infront of me. Everytime I look at it, I feel I think i should end this pain and sorrow but something or the other stops me. I can’t live like this! I can’t change the way it is going on! Tomorrow is completely worthless since i have no ambitions in life. The past was painful and the present is depressing and stressful. There is no one to reach out to! (Any one who reads this post and comments that i should be taking help from some suicide helpline, it can’t happen. For that the suicide hotline people need to pick up their phones which they rarely do! and i as i mentioned the people around me find me worthless and completely useless, so there is no chance that they can help me. I can say this because i tried) My future is hopeless. My present is a complete mess. I am tired of my life. It just seems to be senseless even being alive. But my destiny won’t let me die. That is the most painful part.
I miss all of the old friends I have lost. They left me and I left them. I miss all the good memories I had with each of them. Now I’m stuck at home alone on Halloween with no energy and no friends who want to invite me to hang out with them, I have a feeling this years holidays are going to suck.
So my “friend” that I was talking to about my depression misread a text I sent her. Somehow she came to the conclusion that I want to kill my boyfriend. I don’t know how anything I’ve told her could be turned into that. But she called the police and they showed up at my house last night. They asked if I was suicidal and if I was planning on killing my ex-boyfriend and myself. I said no, and they clearly thought that the whole situation was stupid so they joked a little and left. Then my “friend” comes to my door, with her cousin. I was so mad that I swore and told her to go away.
I told my boss that I wanted to quit today, because that “friend” is also my co-worker and I was pretty confused as to why she’d lie to the police. He asked me to wait a few weeks to see if things would calm down because he was pretty sure that she was just trying to help. I said ok and he was probably right.
Then, when the time came to switch shifts, my “friend” came to the booth to clock in and I calmly asked her to wait outside the booth until I left. She completely ignored me and said, “I’ve told all your other friends about what happened”.
I don’t know why she’s doing this. I only talk to one other person, who’s also friends with my ex-boyfriend. I’ve been asking him recently to tell my ex that I would like to talk. But now I know that he told my ex what happened. I’ll never be able to talk to my ex now. He thinks I want to kill him.
Now everyone thinks I’m crazy. All I wanted to do was talk to someone. Now I’m completely alone. I feel even worse than before. I just want to die. I’ve been holding out to see if things could get better and they just got worse. I can’t even die now. Ever since the cops came my parents have been constantly watching me.
I can’t deal with this anymore
i don’t why i’m still trying to get better even though i know i can’t.
i have no friends no bf no dreams
why am i still trying ?
im tired of life. I don’t see myself as old. im alone at this young age, I cant imagine being old and lonely. im tired. I know I have to work but its hard on my own. I have no friends who really understand me. I don’t know how to continue.im stuck..
Today is my last. I am tired of living alone. Unloved. Untouched. Unwanted. I am seriously damaged. I must be. No family. No friends. No one. So I am on my way to my parent’s graves. I shall die there. The only two people that might have cared. Sheila
I had these amazing song lyrics that I wanted to share with someone when I remembered that I don’t have any friends who care to hear what I have to say lol I have people that I’m friends with; once every two months I go to a pub or have dinner with some guys I used to work with (that’s the most time that they’re willing to spend with me LOL). My current group of co-workers like me well enough, but they couldn’t give less of a fuck about my life outside work hours. I’ve tried to make some friends but I’m constantly being rebuffed. The only person that contacts me regularly is my pot dealer lmao Anyway, the song lyrics. I was listening to Crass (old punk band) and the first verse of their song Reject of Society knocked me on my ass. I’ve heard this song dozens of times but I never really listened to the lyrics before because they’re hard to understand (lead singer has a thick english accent).
“Not for me the factory floor,
Sweeping up from nine to four.
Not for me the silly rat race,
I don’t see the point in anycase.
People ask me why I say what I do,
I say to them, “Well wouldn’t you?”
If you were fucked up just like me,
A reject of society.”
How much longer can I pretend?
Not much longer, I have no friends
Surrounded, I explode
They’re closing in on me
The walls are falling in
Within my abode
What do I need to be?
To make you happy
It means sadness
But only for eternity
I deserve it anyway
This is my second post on here. My first was a rant about my life. I just need a friend! Oh my god! I’m so sick of being lonely all the time. If I really pushed myself, I could get a job, stop being homeless, blah blah blah… but for what reason? I have nobody. Nobody cares. I cut myself, burn myself, drink to the point I pass out, and and I fucking hate myself so much.
I threw everything away and sacrificed college for a family that pushed me away. I lost my friends to my depression. I’ve tried replacing them with self harm and alcohol. It’s not working. Please somebody help. I need somebody to talk to. I almost killed myself tonight. I almost jumped off a damn bridge. I’m tired of being alone. I have no motivation because I have no friends. I’m 21 years old. I have no family. No friends. No purpose. No money. No job. No education. I’m a useless loser that needs to become yet another victim of natural selection. The world would be better off without me. I’m a stain to the gene pool.
All I do is stay up all night drowning in my own miserable self pity. I won’t get into details about myself because fuck it, I don’t care anymore. I just need a friend.. I live in northern Cali if anybody is interested in hitting up… I don’t even care if get myself killed by some stranger. I hate my life.
My story is a long one, but after suffering years of abuse as a child at the hands of my father, I left home and joined the military, but I didnt deal with the trauma I suffered I just got into drinking and internet gaming and conspiracy theories, and gradually retreated further and further into isolation. Fast forward 8 years and I am without friends, and I am unemployed and my family has rejected me. Even a woman I thought I was in love with has rejected me and she is the only person who I thought I had as a friend. Now I am becoming suicidal and considering hitting the road, traveling and camping, but I am too much of a ***** and I am scared of that life. I just want to die in my sleep and go out the easy way, but I often think about killing myself and I know it will be nice to be free of human existence, at least as my existence has been.
It is pretty sad when your own family rejects you so completely, as well as your friends. I am some kind of loser
Why does my life feel like a prison sentence?
I have done things that I am not proud of – but did I murder anyone? No, did I steal? No… I didn’t do any of the things that would get you 10 to life… yet that’s exactly what I have – A life sentence to be served daily.. no escape, horrible loneliness, no friends, just existing day after day in this damnable prison of my own mind – such betrayal – my own brain cast me in this cell.
I am not smart, not beautiful or pretty, have spent my whole life in a little black isolated hole which I cannot seemed to climb out of … my life is a huge black pit of depression and sadness and pain and I don’t know how to escape. When I was nine I was raped for three years by my brother, I’ve been cutting for ever since… I’m 17 now. I have no friends… No one who loves me for me…. I spend all my time watching time pass me by because I just have no power of what to do. I hope and pray that someone will save me but that time has passed I’ve waited too long… Suffered too much and now… Now I just want to be gone.
I am just sick of people and I feel that I am not able to make friends again and there is no friends in my life only one friend since high school and the rest doesn’t return my calls and we gather once a year I know that every body has a busy life but I am sick of being alone with my family