I barely have any energy to type this right now. Im totally dejected. I turned 26 last week, and think Im ready to go buy a gun. I dont even know where to begin. My acne scars have totally destroyed my cheeks, my relationships, my family, my job, my entire life. Ive always held hope that things like lasers, and peels would make a difference. But after working my ass off, showing the world my deep scars to save thousands for these treatments, a year later the improvement is minor. Im right back where I started and theres no hope of it getting any better. When my acne and scars first got bad, I went to my parents for help. My dad just took the tough love approach and screamed at me every day for a couple of years. As I got worse, so did his drinking and anger. He began drinking and smoking and yelling at me non stop for 2 or 3 years. Finally, I started abusing marijuana and was high out of my mind all the time. Eventually I got arrested, lost my job, and cant find work because of my record and my hideous scarring. My father was diagnosed with cancer in June, and has been deteriorating quickly. He has had 4 surgeries, including a bladder removal. He is losing his mind at only 61. The only girlfriend I ever had lied to me, cheated on me, humiliated me. My last job ended when I was assaulted by the manager. I recorded it on my cell phone and showed upper management, but they all laughed at me and told me I was fired.
I always banked on skin treatments improving my life, but its obvious I will always be treated as a second class citizen. I cant go out to the store for food without being stared at or verbally harassed. The thought of dying is just as bad as living out my life. Ive read this site numerous time over the years but never thought I would be so serious about ending my life. The suicide hotline sucks, they never help. My therapist cant help me either. I feel like i need serious, intensive care or I am finally going to hurt myself. How did this happen to me? I had such a wonderful childhood. I had friends in highschool and got good grades. Its all over. Time for the final solution.
Sorry for sounding like a whiny *****. I just want to die and it sucks.