My father once said to me, “Life dealt you a really shitty hand, but all you can do is play the hand your dealt.” That was before I lost bladder function. I did not think to say to him at the time, “Well dad, I can always fold.” I was born unto a house of pain, and now I have to deal with health issues on top of all the psychological issues, all the arrests, all the beatings, all the hospitalizations, all the incarcerations, and for not ever really even breaking the law. I have been locked in a dry cell with nothing in it, no plumbing, no […]
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No Mercy
It hurt so much inside. All I could feel was the pain and sadness. This was like a dark creature at the bottom of the sea. It feels no pain, has no mercy and keeps no love in its dead heart, only hate. It was overwhelming and I couldn’t see that bright light therapist say is up ahead. There was only darkness. That is what only a portion of my depression felt like. I actually named my depression War. My soul hates how it makes me feel hollow afterward. I feel deprived of love and life. Hollow comes on like a rainstorm. Sometimes you can […]
Before, there was a time where words could reach to my heart, no wall, no nothing. But now, words can’t get past this cold, diamond-steeled heart that blocks it. Just try to break it. Even yours or my will can’t break it. The Diamond-Steel Heart, a cold and harsh place where everything is dead and no such thing as peace ever existed or EVEN heard of the word “Peace”. This heart is like a world that was worse than war and after 2012 combined itself. Words? HA! No such thing existed. You have to feel it to believe it. A new world that is literally […]