The nature of my job requires me to be somewhat social. Â This is quite a contradiction in the sense that when my anxiety and depression are at their highest, my desire — and ability — to be social is at the lowest. Â I spent most of the day today at a family reunion. Â It was totally exhausting being social for so long. Â Today it’s back to work after too short of a summer, facing what already suggests will be a long, long school year. Â This week will be hard because I will be forced to be social with my co-workers, repeatedly, over and over, through […]
Tag:
Normalcy
Eleven years. It’s been eleven years since I’ve had control over my emotions. Since I have felt any sense of normalcy or joy.
Medication after medication. None of them have worked.
Electro shock therapy. Gave me six months of relief before I relapsed, and my psychiatrist is convinced that the habits and anxiety and addictions that I never used to have before the ECT would have happened anyway. When I went through the treatment, I had no memory of anything for months straight. I forgot how to drive, where I was half the time, and each session was nightmarish.
Speaking of my psychiatrist, since I’ve started seeing him, […]
Set your gazes to the sky,
Look your sadness in the eye.
I don’t believe you want to die,
Silly, crying child.
Brace yourself against the ill.
Stand strong and ignore the chill.
Placate the monster with a pill.
And you with life will reconcile.
Warm yourself in rays of sun
Set tasks that can be done
And then you’ve normalcy won
If you go that extra mile
Bring yourself to places new
Take great care with what you do
Beget another friend or two
It will be easy after while
Build it up, build it high
Your life should now reach the sky
Live now not as a […]
A couple of years ago I was a completely normal person. I was happier and my life seemed normal. I laughed a lot and I loved my family. I concentrated on them, because they were my life. Years passed, and things have gotten progressively worse. I’ve always had depression looming over me, but never this dark. I’ve always had anxiety, but never this painful. I’ve always been afraid of the outside world, but never this bad. Now, I am looking up ways to kill myself. And I have no where to turn.
I am a 21 year old with nothing going for her. If you knew […]