I think the fact that I was raped and nobody (friends) believe me or support me is what’s going to make me pull the trigger. I told one of my close friends about it yesterday but I made it seem like it was a friend who got raped and not me. And he said “well was she flirting with him.” That pissed me off. Then I said does it matter, she said no and kept trying to push him off. Then he continues to say “Well I know how guys think. He probably thought she was playing hard to get.” “maybe in her mind […]
So over the past few months I think about suicide daily, this was not me a year ago.
I’m alone most of the time, besides work, I’m 30 years, I have a lot of debt… But most of all its the loneliness.
I have a nervous breakdown Friday and Saturday night regularly. I go out toto try and meet people but as the sun goes down I can feel the panic and my mood start heading down hill so I quickly head for my car and rush home.
Im going to bed now. (1am)
Hoping for a nightmare or weird dream, something to make me feel different and think something new or something like that.
All I can think right now is sadness and despair. Very unhealthy I would imagine. But when have I been healthy? No I want to wake up in a sweat to some crazy freak dream about some crazy thing and have a realization and or epiphany. I wish.
Goodnight. Sweet dreams, at least not me.
i was accepted to Stanford.
everyone is happy.
So why not me?
pressure pressure pressure
I don’t want to go to medical school.
I don’t want to live other people’s expectations, dreams, morals.
So
i
left.
Heading towards Oregon and I’ve never felt so free.
Ive been suicidal my whole life.
All I wanted was freedom and it was waiting for me right outside my door this whole time.
I finally listened to my instincts and went against odds.
The only thing I want to say to people who are unhappy- is just to do what’s makes you happy on your our own means.
follow your instincts.
Im free
and so the adventure begins.
I am 63 years old. I was diagnosed with chronic depression almost 30 years ago. I used to be a musician but I’ve been out of work for a long time now. My wife is a nurse. She doesn’t like me anymore. She has her two dogs and they’re what she likes, not me. I can’r seem to do anything but annoy her.
I have no money. I can’t go anywhere, although the best thing would be for us to separate. She’s always giving me dirty looks and acting nervous and anxious with me. All I want is for us to get along but she seems […]
Well, I’m still here. I guess that counts for something.
Sitting here watching the snow fall. I’ve got MC on my mind. I think he has today off from work and is home. I know he won’t call, and I won’t bother him. I’m supposed to be working myself.
What’s on my mind is his wedding. It’s on schedule for mid-June and last Sunday my girl friend told me about the elaborate wedding dress his fiancé bought. Considering MC never wanted to get married again after the trauma of his first disastrous marriage, I’m curious as to what his reaction will be when he sees it. I’m still […]
My existence is fucking stupid:
The HIGhLIGHT of my life is work. While I spend 80% of my time here, I don’t mind the job, it’s just infuriating that I’m squandering my prime years.
My coworkers practically murder each other to be the first out the door. Not me, I’d rather stay. Menial grinding is better than the home war zone. I usually lie about when I need to be to work. Sometimes I come in early, others I nap in my car.
I’m isolated. I don’t try to make friends anymore. I’m not allowed to go out solo, I don’t want anyone to witness the […]
I am married and 22yrs of age with no children. I have a loving husband with a very strong mind, a mum that’s been a Christian most of my life. I have reached a time in my life where I have thought deeply of committing suicide. I have pictured it happening, pictured me in a casket with my niece and nephew looking at me wondering why I’m lying there. I have seen my husband finding me and crying uncontrollably. I have seen my mum bed ridden for days. I am very upset at myself for seeing all of this because this is not me.
Being honest […]
I told you that you have a real shot. I don’t have to tell you that I’ve changed. I think you’ve already seen it and felt it. I think you know it deep down. You feel that I want nothing from you other than you to out live me by one more day. If he is your best shot at carrying you through to tomorrow than I’m his biggest fan. I’m man enough to admit that we’ll never work out or be the same as we were. Sure, its painful, but seeing hope arise in your eyes even for one more minute is worth a […]
I live in a shitty town in an even shittier country. Every person my age (Im 22) either has a baby or 2 or 3…, heavy drug users (some street made drug called Whoonga), school dropout, etc etc.
I powered through my depression and finished high school the best student in my school and enrolled in medical school. Next year will be my final year. It has been tough. I have worked hard, powered through so many suicidal thoughts and had so many family problems.
People standing on the outside looking in think it has all been easy.
An entire family of supposed Christians started […]
My first time taking it was really recently. DAMN THAT STUFF IS AWESOME! Sure, it has fucked up side effects, but those are things for people who want to live to worry about, not me. Still suicidal, but at least now I see things the way they are:
I am meant to die as a lone wolf
I’ve tried acting ”normal” for far too long, and it’s time to be myself
I’m aggressive by nature. Spent far too much time pacify myself.
Suicide is the only happy ending I will be able to get, and I do not fear death anymore
Society is nothing but a bunch of half-retarded sheep […]
So I experienced a massive cardiac episode two years ago last May. My arteries in my chest literally tore themselves apart. I was on the table for ten hours, I was cliniy dead for half an hour during that time, no brain activity, no machine, 42deg and dead.
It was nice, I have had major depression for more than ten years. I have horrible paranoia of my wife who is 2000 miles away and I can’t control these horrible emotional outbursts anymore. I am a horrible person sometimes and I can only sit in the back of my head and watch the pain it causes.
I am […]
I guess I’m just angry about the fact that I feel like no-one cares about me. The people that I feel are my friends make me feel worthless. Even my best friend, who is the nicest person in the world, makes me feel like shit sometimes.
My mum is really strict, so I’m not allowed Facebook, or any kind of social media at all, so I find it hard to keep in contact with my friends. And none of them bother to keep in contact with me.
Before my best friend got Facebook, my other friends would still try and talk to me, to let […]
I don’t have any friends.
I don’t have anyone.
I’ve never had a girlfriend.
I’ve never had sex.
I’ve never had a job.
I’ve never kissed.
I never take risks.
I never try doing something.
I hate myself.
I despise myself.
I loathe myself.
Never asked for this.
Never wanted to be brought into this world.
I don’t wanna live.
I don’t wanna suffer.
People can be happy, just not me.
Life is beautiful, just not mine.
Life has a meaning and a purpose, I’ll just never be able to fulfil it.
I care to what people think about me.
I’m an attention whore.
I want to be accepted.
I want to fit in.
I want to be just like everyone else.
I’m a selfish bastard.
I like to compare […]
Two years ago I was almost strangled to death by my boyfriend. I have never been the same since that night. I hate myself I hate myself so much I just want to die and I hate looking at myself in the mirror. I’m not me
As the description says. A friend of mine just did it this monday. And all i can think of is that im jelaus of him. He had the guts to do it. To finally get the eternal rest.
He had been hospitalized for a time now, and he was just on his way out this week. But he came to his senses and did it just before he was to get out. I really hope that i will have the curage to do it soon. If he, that was so sucsessfull in every way (great body, best job, articles writed about him..) could do it, then […]
hi.. I’m 17.. I won’t say I hate my life, it’s a good life, it’s honestly a gifted one.. But, for some reason.. I just feel so… I don’t know. I know no one really reads this stuff, who would right? Ha, sometimes I just wish people could see me and not stories or rumours.. Maybe than I could be free. But this isn’t about regular drama, it’s about me.. I’ll give this site a few days maybe months.. Who knows, maybe people will like me? Haha.. I dont really know what to talk about.. I know I’m young and should be thankful for my […]
I always seem to end up in a melancholy state. No matter what I do I always end up there again. Things only go good for a while then bam. I got to start all over again from the beginning. It seems to happens no matter what I do.
I guess the reason I feel this way is, because I know no one really gives a fuck about anyone else. I’m guilty of this myself and the only reason I act the way I do is because everyone else is doing it, so why not me too then? Why should I be the one that gives […]
By the time someone actually pisses you off, for anything really, you’ve already lost…
I’ve gotten to the point where one asshole is more than enough to make me feel like I’d rather murder a dozen random people than sit idly, or prehaps even myself (god forbid >->). Not because they have any relation at all, besides being human. Natural instinct leads me to hate my own race, and wants it exterminated…
All it really is though, is just displacement, ‘taking your anger out on others’. Some people can get by punching a pillow or yelling at a cat but ohhh no not me, I see no […]
It’s been a few weeks since I have posted, and have come to the conclusion that it’s everyone else that’s screwed up and not me.
I’m convinced that whilst I may have my failings (needy and insecure) I’m actually a nice person.
Intervention by my doctor and local crisis team have helped a great deal, and my meds have been increased significantly. Got a testing few weeks ahead of me but that light at the end of the tunnel is now a lot bigger than a pinhole.
Have discovered an amazing singer recently too (Blossom Dearie) and would recommend that anyone in crisis should youtube her and just […]
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