I hate having a scientific mind, it’s like I can’t have a normal life because I’m thinking of things along the lines of “I feel like we are made of nothing, the whole concept of how we live life and how we sleep is unexplainably weird. We have eyes, mouths and ears.. We are walking limps.” It all sounds funny but it gives me this really nasty hopeless feeling. Trapped in my mind kinda thing. I wish I could think what normal people think but I’ve bypassed that mentality long ago. I’m living for my family and boyfriend in whom I love dearly. […]
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Nothing In This World
I just want to share a story, my story, for anyone that might care to read it. Â It will probably be the only thing I post on this website. Â You’ll never know who I am and I will never know who you are, but perhaps we’ll meet someday, get drunk together, and you’ll tell your story and mention a story you read on this stupid website and I’ll say “hey, that was me! Â I wrote that!”. Â And we’ll laugh about it and go build a bonfire in the woods and howl at the moon, or something. Â That’s the kinda thing I like to do, anyway, […]
Today at school we had something called “challenge day.” Basically 100 students and 20 teachers get together, do trust exercises, and spill their guts to eachother. At the end of the whole thing, everyone feels so close. They all cried, hugged. I guess it was a big emotional event. I didn’t get to go though. The whole point of the program is to get people to realize everyone’s equal, nobody should be bullied, everyone should be accepted. I think that’s a bit hypocritical. Why do it if you’re going to exclude so many people from it? I’m not really sure about it. I wish i could’ve […]
I don’t know why i try anymore, honestly. it seems like everything i do actually does nothing in this world. I give my friends everything they ask for and keep my promises, you know, being a good friend, and they make up excuses, “oh, i had to stay home and watch my sister” or “I forgot” a couple weeks later. Dropping classes with me because it makes you too tired to be able to go hunting and leaving me to be with your cousin who buys you stuff. It’s crap because im supposed to be her friend, but she leaves me to be with her […]
I have felt little to no emotion as of late. I am confused. Possibly insane. Nothing in this world, nothing, I cannot understand. Try as I might, I cannot figure out my way out of my corner. The maze in my head. This is my DARK ABYSS. I guess. Shannon being dead couldn’t be registered emotionally, I could feel no emotions. If this is numbness, then holy shit thats awesome since I feel absolutely nothing anymore. It makes me so confused though.
Where the hell am I. My flashlight left me. Flashlight where’d you go. It’s dark and lonely. (Just a random thought in my head.)
Well, […]
I was diagnosed with major depressive disorder two years ago. I took drugs and went through therapy, and I did end up feeling better. But for the past 6 months or so, when I’ve been alone with just myself, I’ve been incredibly suicidal. I can’t talk to anyone about it, because they’ll just put me back in the hospital, but I’ve been through all that, and obviously it’s not helping anymore, if it ever did at all. When I’m around other people, I’ll generally have a good time, but as soon as all distractions are gone, I’m back to suicide. I don’t have a difficult life, I’m […]
I cant help but feel lost all the time, no matter what I do is just the same cycle, I have tried doing something about it but my plans never work out..
I feel like my own family doesn’t love me and non of my parents are around to tell me that everything is going to be ok. I feel selfish for asking God if I can run away because running away is the only thing I have done my whole life. I have nothing in this world, no job, no family, I’m not happy with who IÂ have become. even though people tell me you […]
Everything about me is broken
my phone, my bank account, my heart
i wish someone would just take them
and give me a brand new start
I’ve gone through bullets and knives
through fire and ice
through volts and ropes
through drugs and loves
through suffocation and exoneration
And yet i still am alive
I beg for peace
i beg for calm
i beg for death
and yet nothing has happened but
pain
suffering
and silence.
I am broken, body and soul
nothing in this world will make me whole
because i am scattered in a million peices
and there’s no way i can find them all
In my adolescent years, I never thought I would make it to 18. Feeling so alone, coming out of the closet at 12, no one to love, to be loved by, to share our love through sex…
I have way to make myself feel better, and they’re pretty foolproof. But as we all know, it gets hard every now and then… That’s when I can pull through the tough times and make it all feel better! But it’s that pulling through that’s the hard part. And what if I do pull through?? What, do all the happy work just to end up in my own hell […]
Why do I still try? Everything I do is wrong, nothing is right! I hate my life, everyday I think god why am I still here! I would rather give my life to someone who deserves it, not me! I try following what my heart wants, I try thinking happy thoughts! That doesnt work :/ Why should I keep trying, no one cares about me! I think to my self, why was I ever born, why must I live the life I live! where I am depressed! Only one person makes me feel like I am special! He loves me and I love him! Sometimes […]