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Numbness

Numb

by NineTheTimesBluer
written by NineTheTimesBluer

I thought I was getting better.

I guess I’m not.

Lately I’ve been feeling numb, almost like I can’t feel anything at all. I still cry, I just don’t know why;it’s not because I’m upset, I just burst into tears all of a sudden. Then again, it’s not exactly easy to ‘feel’ connected to people when you’re almost completely cut off from them.

The people I thought were my friends don’t seem the same anymore. Maybe because we’re growing up; everyone changes when they grow up, and we drift in and out of one another’s lives. I could be completely wrong, and I could be behind it all. […]

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Well, here I am.

by 121115
written by 121115

I’m not quite sure if becoming a user of this forum is a means of an end or a coping method. At this point, it really couldn’t matter less.

One day, perhaps, I will fully disclose the ‘origin story’ (this phrase is funny to me, as if comparing the origins of my condition to the origins of a superhero’s powers); the entire tale of my descent into severe depression, my incessant and quite honestly obsessive thoughts of suicide that had lasted every day for a year, and my journey through psychiatric hospitalization. At one point, I had felt that these points in my life were important and […]

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Hunted

by Broken Ninja
written by Broken Ninja

“What could possibly be Hell, but the culmination of this life’s suffering, trapped inside the mind of someone who cannot withstand it?”

 

Every day they come, every day they go. Hunting like a pack of wolves in wind, in rain, in snow.

Never do they hunger, never do they bleed. Yet driven by an instinct shouting, “Kill! Grow! Feed!”

They are not without a mind. They think, they wait, they plan. The weakest of the hunters could kill the greatest man.

What are these fearsome beasts? Your guess is good as mine. I watch them chase her every day, last night I counted nine.

I am oh so weak. This fact now […]

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Painless suicide

by B
written by B

I know there are endless threads on this topic but I can’t seem to find a consistent answer. Does anyone know of a painless way to commit suicide (either from research or from a painless past overdose)? I do not know if I will get a response and if I do receive one I am not looking for some form of moral support. I understand that there is much to take out of life and that, as the 15 year old I am, I have not yet experienced many of the joys life has to offer, but I have suffered for too long. Medications and […]

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Just another “how to die” post…

by ShellOfAGirlThatWas
written by ShellOfAGirlThatWas

I just turned 18 about a month ago… But for a long time I’ve suffered from suicidal thoughts.. I’ve attempted it before, but failed and ended up in a hospital to be watched.. They released me in two days… I tried to come back from it, and nearly succeeded… But now, I just don’t want to continue this battle anymore…

When I was younger… I was left in a foster home… I got physically abused, and verbally. I was sexually harassed, and yet… I struggled on… I thought of running away so often I nearly did it… But I was afraid… Then someone “saved” me… Turns […]

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Pill Bottles lined up. Numbness taking over

by CMZ
written by CMZ

I don’t really know why I am posting here or why it is that I am sharing this with strangers.

I think all the things happening in my life right now that have driven me over the edge are irrelevant.

The anxiety and pain are almost gone and I feel completely numb.

I thought about Suicide before, many times. And every time I got very close.

Right now I am as close to finalizing it as never before, being alone in a hotel room, away from my loved ones, with 7 bottles of prescription pills lined up in the side table.

And the silly thing is, all I can think […]

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The Depression

by Samantha
written by Samantha

This feeling of numbness takes over,
Emotions no longer exist,
No happy, no sad, no scared and no mad,
And the numbness I cannot resist.
It follows me around like a shadow,
It’s dark and gloomy and dull,
Like a storm cloud hovering over my head,
And the huge world around me makes me feel small.
Living is a struggle that cannot be compared,
And everyday things are complex,
But I manage to get around and do things I love,
Though to do them are difficult projects.
Day by day and night by night,
The numbness never leaves,
Depression is hard and it weighs me […]

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by Forgottenemma
written by Forgottenemma

I have never attempted suicide before and probably will never do that in the future, although I am suicidal. The depressing thought cannot get out of my head. Only watching people who are also suicidal can make me feel much better, because I tend to dispassionately analyze their feelings and so I become an observer rather than a sufferer.

There’s no point to live, but there’s no point to die either, from my perspective. That’s why I’m still alive. There’s no point to do anything. Suicide is such a luxury, an aggregation of  courage, ego, curiosity, perseverance, nonchalance about collective unconsciousness, motivation, liberation, freedom of self-expression, […]

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boredom

by blackandblue
written by blackandblue

before , I would always say that I was bored doing something from time to time .looking back from now I realize that I diddnt know a thing about being bored.now in my current life I am always bored…its kind of difficut to explain. I am emotionally numb except for those weird moments where I feel sadness.sometimes I feel so sad that I want to cry but I cant. I cant cry, most of my laughter is false and other emotions just arent there.without my emotions ,I am just a soulless body and that is why my current life is so damn […]

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Was it a Sign

by Function41
written by Function41

I am in the military and my wife has been telling me for years “Ever since that last deployment, you just haven’t been the same”. Can’t say I was blown up by an IED or anything of that nature, but the experience was bad enough that the the thought of going back out gave me enough anxiety to want to rip out my chest. I should have gotten help when I got back. It took 3 years but it won. I broke.

On January 24th 2013. I tried to commit suicide. I tied an electrical cord around a joist in my basement. Then I tied it […]

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Why live?

by alliKat
written by alliKat

Ive never been that girl to be “depressed”. Im always laughin,even when there’s that one thing that killed my mood,i always find something stupid to laugh at…now i realise that that was my brain’s automatic way of blocking out what i call pain.

 

Something happened tonight that changed me,my whole mental state. My dad hit me..not just hit but PUNCHED me. He misinterpreted something i said and took it as an insult, so then,he punched me. I must admit, im not the most respectful child,at all. But i NEVER thought my own father would punch me,as if i was one of his scumbag friends. Ive always […]

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Lies

by Kieylee102
written by Kieylee102

You think things are going right and then you find out the one that you think love you are lying to your face and it seem to never stop. You don’t understand why they lied, but they just keep lying and you don’t know what is the truth or another lie. You just start to feel the world spinning and you’re scared that the spinning won’t stop. You share the room with that person and they’re so obsessed on keeping the lie alive that you can’t even look at them. You just want to yell and scream at them, but all you do is cut, […]

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numb

by Blad3s
written by Blad3s

well lets start this fucking bullshit shall we.  Okay so what the fuck do you do when everything you touch or do fails? what the hell do you do when girlfriend after girlfriend leaves you? After they use the fuck out of you? Or roomates who wish to rip you off at every turn? what the fuck do you do when you’ve cried to the point where you can’t anymore? I fucking feel nothing anymore no joy no excitement no passion for my favorite things no expectation for good to happen nothing ever goes right anymore but when something fucked up happens to me it […]

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Blood Among Flowers

by InsideTheClockwork
written by InsideTheClockwork

I walk upon this lonely road in a garden of the damned,
Where everyone will sleep one day and the ones who want to rot.
Their flowers wilt and spoil and brown from famine;
It isn’t true when people say they haven’t fought.

There’s blood among roses and posies and wildflowers,
And you don’t need thorns to make it so.
They slowly bleed up to the final hour;
Then nothing can save them and they feel alone.

There’s blood in the leaves and blood in the trees, everything decked in crimson,
No one seems to notice – except us, we do;
I wonder if they’re […]

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The Cliff.

by fallenangel33
written by fallenangel33

You know that point where you’re on the edge of the cliff and any emotion you’ve ever had is racing through your body and you’re just ready to take the last leap? I think I’m past that. I think I’m falling, just waiting to hit the bottom. I say falling because I feel absolutely nothing. Literally numb. But I’m afraid one day my numbness will snap and I will hit the ground, hard.

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Troubled minds think alike…

by RogueShadow1281
written by RogueShadow1281

If everytime I message her, I feel high, then what does it mean? What if it brings me out of numbness. What if after our talks, I end up feeling like shit. We come back to my old rants about love. I thought Nycolle was my drug, yet I just felt worse and worse the whole time.

Lucky for me there are people here who most highly likely feel the same about this kind of situation. But, the problem is my lack of long term solutions for this problem. What can I do? After breaking off what little we had? People from here tell me not […]

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Too numb…

by VacatedHappiness
written by VacatedHappiness

The numbness is back. It’s getting worse. Ever since the only thing that made me happy, has gone. She made it go away. She made me forget it. Now it’s back when she’s gone. I felt numb when I thought she was gone for good… I should’ve been sad, but no, I felt numb. So now I know my numbness is going to be with me forever, even in the moment where I should’ve felt the sadest I’ve been, I felt numb. I can’t shake it off. I just can’t. It’s returning. This is the feeling that makes people want to die. I FUCKING HATE […]

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Grieving

by roojay13
written by roojay13

      Something that I’ve learned recently is that when somebody very close to you passes away, the process of grieving that we human go through never really goes away and it can come back at any moment and smack you down hard.

 

     On July 24th 2008, the day after my 23rd birthday, my dad was diagnosed with ‘Small Cell Lung Cancer’ and it was devastating to my family.  He’d had a pain in his shoulder and when he had  gone to the doctors they suspected pneumonia.  With the confirmation of cancer, he was told they could not cure it but could prolong his […]

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Wish me good luck!

by hazelleyes
written by hazelleyes

So, here it goes: I’m a failure. I didn’t pass one freaking exam this semester.

Consequence: I get my money cut off. So now I won’t have money for cigarettes, coffee, an occasional night out – pretty much all the little things that were keeping me alive.

I can’t kill myself yet. My mom is not strong enough to be able to take it yet. So that will have to wait for a little bit – no matter how much I wish I could do it now.

Solution: Get a Job. So I’m leaving in a little bit to try and go get job at the casino – […]

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