so I don’t know where to even start, I’m going to college this fall. I don’t know if Im excited or not about it… I don’t want to leave my family, I hate them at times and get in fights with them but I still think I will miss them a little even though I’ve been dying to get out for years cause I cant take all there shit. Im bi and I feel like that is going to stop me from making friends and I’m worried about that already. I have horrid anxiety and depression and so thats not helping at all. I haven’t […]
Almost 19 female. No job. No school. No friends (okay one friend) no goals. no joy no life.
I look at kids younger than me who have everything going for them i cant help but feel inadequatr pathetic and jealous. I am so disconnected to this world i spend most of it in my house alone watching tv drivig myself crazy with my thoughts. Iwonder what other girls my age are doing. Im sick of being so unadjusted. I know dwelling on it doesnt help but it is good to ley out my feelings. How do i l stop judging myself and comparing to other […]
I just… don’t have any reason to be alive anymore. I can’t take being this lonely another year, and my situation won’t change unless i change, but I haven’t changed in 32 years, so it’s clearly not going to happen. I can’t even fake it anymore. My one friend came over for my birthday and I just shut down mid-afternoon. I don’t have anything left to say to anyone, or anything to contribute. I’m not a very good person, at heart, so I don’t give anything. back to anyone, just take, take, take. I tried to say I am really depressed, but I’ve had cyclical […]
Im not scared of death. I welcome it with arms wide open. Some days I just sit and imagine it. Me. Dead. I only want one thing but, these games are too much to play. The game of life and death always end. If I had a choice I’d be gone. I do have people that care. My one friend knows I’m like this. Some friends do. No family. To most people I seem happy a lot of friends athletic. Im not happy. I hate this skin I’m living in. I try and keep my head up high. It’s really hard cause I wanna die. […]
I’ve been listening to birdy a lot lately! i really love her voice and music.. it really speaks to me. if you haven’t heard of her you have to look her up on youtube.!
well this weeks been hard for me.. and I’m not even sure why.. it just seems like everyone leaving me… tho I’ve made a new friend which I’m so thankful for and i absolutely love her for heaping me. tho she may not know it. she is helping me..I’ve been thinking about suicide more an more….. i started puking again…. ugh why am i so messed up??? i badly want to cut… […]
Wow I haven’t cried in forever :’) this sucks really. Well heres the deal,I’m losing another one of my best friends yea what is this the 3rd one? I only have 4 friends I could actually count on and who actually understand me. The one friend I thought I would have forever just cause we’ve been together Forever haha 3years I guess was too long *sigh* well there goes my damn twin/big bro he was the only reason I’m still alive,te only reason I woke up in te morning now…I just don’t know what to do. Yea people are probably thinking “so what wow you […]
I attepted suicide when i had just turned 14 in september… i wrote a song called no regrets and sent it to the one person who has always been there for me. he cried and prayed for me all night.. i was pronounced dead at 3:16 am for a duration of alost 18 minutes, they were able to reviveÂ me. the doctors said it was a miracle i survived… and now everytime i say hey to my one friend he says hey my little miracle <3 sadly i still want to die.. but luckily he’s still there for me!!
When i feel im doing something good with my life something happens that shoots me into the ground.Being the youngest of five most would think i would be the babyed one the spoiled little bastard that gets what ever i ask for.And where i have received the things i had wanted im told its just because im the baby one,not that i had done something good enough for a reward.Always being told that beauty is the only way you’ll make in the world is depressing when you find your self disgusting at times i will act as if im happy so i dont bring down […]