When i got back from my gospel camp i felt “new” in a way i felt good inside everything was turning around then the “shit hit the fan”. About a few weeks from being back my little sister went to Seattle for her round up band thing and my mother is a volunteer for this band. turns out my mom met some guy who is another volunteer with the round up band and now my parents are splitting up and that’s just one of the things that making me stress out hardcore. If any of you have read my other posts you would have noticed […]
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One Of My Best Friends
I’m sorry for the upcoming vent, I need to get it out.
So, I really want to kill myself right now.
I just miss my brother like hell, ever since he took his own life about 10 months ago, i haven’t been happy. Time drags me through life but i don’t want to. I don’t want to move on because it feels like forgetting. And I hate myself because i feel like i’m already starting to forget how exactly his voice sounded or how his smile was. He was my everything, besides my brother also my best friend.
Then besides that, i feel so lonely. It […]
I wasn’t planning on posting here for another couple of days, but recent circumstances have altered my plans. June 27, 2010 is the day that one of my best friends took his own life. I write a memorial post here each year on that day as a way for me to remember him by. Last night another one of my friends committed suicide. It’s been numbing, as I’ve realized how little it affects me. Not because I don’t care, as this is a person that I had a great deal of respect for, and someone that I genuinely enjoyed being around. I know he had […]
I’ve tried and failed and I want to do it again i cut everyday and the only one how is stoping me is my friend I have been called a disease a parasite ugly fat and that I should kill myself one of my best friends hung himself and I want to die to every day I think about it and I even find things I would do it with I’ve tried hanging and it dissent work so have any other ideas of how to die
I’m losing it. I can’t go on. I once thought I was strong. I once was able to help people, some very simular in my situation. I once thought that I had a life to live and a life to give. No more. Suicide is a daily hell I have to face. Depression from 17 years of shit and depression and bullying and attacks. I’ve gone too far. I thought I could make it. I need help. I have lost all hope to go on, all hope to live. I am a author, a carpenter, an artist, an engineer, an interior designer, programer, computer technician, and […]
Why can’t she see that I’m not alright?
Why can’t she see that I need her?
Why can’t she see that I hate myself?
Why can’t she see how I feel about her?
More importantly, why do I have to feel this way about her?
Why do I have to love her?
Do you know how often I hear people talk bad about gays, lesbian, and bisexuals? I listen to people go on about how it’s “Immoral” or “wrong” and I just have to sit there, clenching my fists, wanting to punch them all in the face. Because if they knew. If they really knew, then I would never be accepted. […]
No one has any idea how completely suicidal I am. I know everyone out there must think I should get help. But I do not want help. I want to kill myself before anyone realizes I should get help. And now again, I know what you must think, well why would you be posting on a public forum? Well, I have just bottled up everything for so long without being able to tell a soul. All of my true feelings about everything have just been trapped inside me. I have to lie to everyone about everything all the time. It’s horrible. I literally refuse to […]
You’re supposed to protect your best friend, right?
Make them feel better.
Help them get through the bad times.
But it can be pretty fucking hard to do sometimes.
At least, that’s what I tell myself. Im just absolutely ashamed of myself.
My best friend is dead.
I was supposed to protect him. Why couldnt I?!?!
They say God only gives you what he expects you can handle, but how am I supposed to deal with this? One of my best friends has cancer, and the other one is dead! God expects a fucking ton from me.
How could I let this happen? I let my friend slip through my fingers. He’s gone. and […]
I have thought about death for most of my life. I just want to die. My parents never cared about what i wanted. All they cared about was our family’s name or reputation. As a kid i was always in my room studying, doing extra homework, tutoring or going to summer school even though my teachers insisted that i did not need all those because i was doing excellent in the class. My parents were almost never home but when they were they would scream at me or hit me if i didn’t know how to do a problem i never learned. They were never […]
Fifteen days ago was the last time I cut.
Fifteen days ago was when I almost committed suicide.
Thirty days or so ago was when I told my two best friends I cut. Well I didn’t exactly tell them, they already thought I did because they saw my wrist. But one day in gym class, one of my best friends made a reference to another one of our friends who cuts and I added, “So do I.” She, of course, freaked out and repeatedly asked me why I did it and all the other normal questions someone who doesn’t understand would ask. For some reason though, I couldn’t […]
ughhhhhh!!!!!!! one of my best friends texted me saying: “i really love you” and guess what…just another guy i cant TRULY have cuz this guy lives in california! and i just had to move away to idaho! ugh…FUCK LOVE….
I dont think this world is worth it. Living in all this pain. Im bisexual, apparently “Emo” as i get called at school. Nobody accepts me for who i am.Not even my mother. She always has stuff to say about who i am and about my friends. She says she wont lower her standards for us. She doesnt know im bi. Like who the hell said she needed to lower her standards for anyone. .I dont want to live in this hell anymore. Im thinking of suicide or running away. The easiest way i can think of is just a large cocktail on pills in […]
Im 17 years old, im 2 and a half months pregnant.
My boyfriend (the father) is beyond ecstatic and can’t wait to see our baby brought into this world, he’s given up drugs and alcohol and has got a great job to be able to be a better dad.
His twin sister, who used to be my best friend hates me. She constantly tells him that either I’m not really oregnant or tha’t it isnt his baby. She refuses to awknowledge me and accuses me of stealing from her and their dad.
Her boyfriend, who was one of my best friends, and his bestfriend are both sociopaths and […]
when i see people sad and depressed on here it makes me sad and depressed. i decided im not going to write one note but a to couple people i actually love. one of the only things that makes me not want to get hit by that train, hang myself, blow my brains out. is the few people have been saving me all of this time. one of my best friends has been in boot camp. i dont want him to find out. i hope by the time he comes back everyone will have forgotton me, he will have forgotton me. i never go through with this. but i know how badly […]
Sometimes I wish I was normal but that’s never going to happen. Life is supposed to get better but I doubt that. All I feel is numbness and it’s better than the pain I felt before. The only thing stopping me from going through with suicide is my best friends wouldn’t be able to handle my death well. My mom stopped caring about me a long time ago but my dad would go crazy without me with him. I refuse to live for myself, I only live for them, although I don’t care about myself, I care too much about others to put them through […]
I’m not suicidal, even though I have been in the past, but I want every one reading this to know they matter and that there are people around you who care and love you.
I lost one of my best friends just a week ago to suicide. He was depressed and under extreme pressure in his academic and social life. He didn’t believe that the girl he had been in love with for four years had any interest in him and that he was too dependent on her. She didn’t tell him while he was alive, but she loves him and thought that he deserved more […]
From 3rd – 5th grade I was that sweet and shy little innocent girl but then when 6th grade came I turned into a tougher girl and still am. I hate the new me, I hate my life, I hate everything! I just want to go back to the sweet and shy little innocent girl I was years ago. Ever since my dog, Lillie, died the day after my birthday in February this year I have become so depressed. She was like a dog version of me. I loved her. But then God decided to take her away from me by making her […]
Hey my names Jasiel and I’m 12 years old. This is going to take me a lot of guts because I haven’t told anyone about my problem…it all started when I was 9, I was a happy little girl just walking by her self like always, the day was pretty and perfect. Until…all of a sudden everything changed to black. I wasn’t scared because I was used to the dark. But then something got my intention, it was just laying there hopelessly without any movement. It looked familiar and so I walked towards it, I turn it around so I […]
first of all let me say i dont have problems in school im an A student i go to a good christian school even though im not christian .
i do have problems in life i have since i was 8 . the big drama’s started when i was 12/13 im (16)
my mother is a heavy  heroine addict and hasn’t payed attention to me since i was born … when i was 8 i was taken into foster care and moved from place to place till i was 13 where i was put in a residential with 2 to 3 other girls where they decided to […]
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