…we’re all feeling alone?
Staring at the screens of our desk tops or phones
Counting out one by one of lost little souls
Typing rants and poetry of our woes
But we’re not alone…
You’re not alone…
You and me…
We suffer from a similar foe
Twisting our thoughts to make us feel alone
Like we’re the only ones
The only one
In a room filled with lonely ones
-22
Hey SP, I am still alive and these are the reasons why I didn’t end my life.
I cannot take this anymore. I know my life isn’t as bad as some peoples but I’m just really struggling.
Firstly, I hate school. I’m really struggling at keeping up and my grades are usually quite good but I’m not going to be able to keep that up much longer. I dislike every subject I do, and the subjects I loved, my teachers are crap. I also can’t stand the people, there’s always those ones that talk all through class and it’s stopping me from learning. Everything at school is making me tired and I can hardly hold myself together anymore.
Other than school I do three other sports and draw which take up every day after school and sometimes before school, two of which I am not liking at the moment and one of them especially is affecting me mentally, considering I’m in such a high level of it. These making me feel depressed and I just don’t want to do it.
altogether I just feel really lonely, I don’t really talk to my family much because if I’m being honest, I can’t stand them, they say some really mean things about people, they gossip, argue so much about pointless things and my parents look down on me and I hate it. I do have friends but, three main ones who I hang out with at school but I feel we are only friends because at school people hang out with other people so there not loners (I didn’t explain that very well).
I go to a all girls school and I don’t like being around all the girls all the time, I don’t think my parents would let me change and it would be so difficult now. I don’t know what to do, I’m struggling and I just feel so depressed, hopeless, stupid and like I’m failing at life.
I live in a truly depressing dump, I don’t have the will to do anything and I spend hours awake in bed staring at the ceiling. I think I am sliding into insanity. I’ve got no friends – only aging parents to lean on. I’ve been on new medication for almost a month and it’s not working so far – only given me Insomnia. Laughably, I’m in the doctors every few days fighting to live a life that is truly awful – and to top it all I truly look like I’ve been dragged through hell. Why wouldn’t I? I’ve been a loner for thirty years since leaving school but in recent years I’ve just run out of steam to keep going. Life is pure agony for unlucky ones like me.
Someone. Anyone. Please. I just can’t do it anymore. I can’t handle the noise. I can’t handle the pressure. Fake smiles. Teary eyes. Mirrors that hide the truth. No one to talk to.
Do any of us on this site even deserve what’s being handed to us? We don’t get a choice in how our life becomes, so why do we have to be the unlucky bunch? I don’t understand. I look at people and see, hear, even feel others’ happiness. Why do we have to the odd ones out? What did we do?
Swimming through the void
We hear the word,
We lose ourselves,
But we find it all?
Cause we are the ones that wanna play,
Always wanna go,
But you never wanna stay,
And we are the ones that wanna choose,
Always wanna play,
But you never wanna lose.
Aerials, in the sky,
When you lose small mind,
You free your life.
Life is a waterfall,
We drink from the river,
Then we turn around and put up our walls.
Swimming through the void
We hear the word,
We lose ourselves,
But we find it all?
Cause we are the ones that wanna play,
Always wanna go,
But you never wanna stay,
And we are the ones that wanna choose,
Always wanna play,
But you never wanna lose.
Aerials, in the sky,
When you lose small mind,
You free your life.
Aerials, so up high,
When you free your eyes,
Eternal prize.
Aerials, in the sky,
When you lose small mind,
You free your life.
Aerials, so up high,
When you free your eyes,
Eternal prize.
I know I’m not exactly the most popular, the most interesting, the most insightful, or the most helpful. I know I don’t always post that often. I just wanted to thank everyone in the community for always being kind and considerate of me and thank those of you who read my posts, especially the ones that are so long they’re practically a novel. And thank everyone for their sharing themselves on this site and making me realize I’m not alone in this. I’m glad I have a place where I can share my feelings openly with people who can relate a little better than most. Stay cool, everyone.
I found a few leaves of a plant with a powerful effect a couple of days ago. Not going to name it to avoid giving anyone here ideas, which I will explain why I don’t want such a thing later.
So, yesterday, I decided to smoke a bit. It was 11 P.M. and I went for one last cigarette. I couldn’t roll myself a joint with the stuff because my parents were in their bedroom watching TV, and I feared getting caught and sent into rehab.
I am so fucking glad I had that fear that prevented me from rolling a joint, because I ended up smoking less than I normally would’ve.
So I light up the cigarette, sat down on the chair outside by the moonlight, and ripped two tiny bits of leaf for immediate consumption. The first one I somehow managed to stuff in the end of the cigarette, and as I lit it up, I inhaled the smoke deeply and held for about five seconds, fearing more time would take me to something I wasn’t ready for.
Exhaling, I thought the website I read about this plant was a fraud, or that I picked up some similar-looking plant. So I decided to place the second bit of leaf on the ashtray’s edge, and I leaned towards it with the cigarette in my lips, making contact with the leaf using the lit end of the cigarette, and started dragging because I thought I was experienced enough in this kind of thing. Oh how stupid I was…
So I put the cigarette out after one last drag, tobacco only, and went inside and headed for the bathroom. As soon as I closed the bathroom door behind me, it hit. And I mean, hit.
Everything, every color, noise and feeling was intensified several thousand times, and the room started distorting. As I finished up my business, I noticed my hands started shaking. I washed my hands, went out and went into the small storage room we keep water, alcohol and fruit in to take a bottle of water, just in case I would dehydrate.
I went to my room, closed the door and placed the bottle on the desk next to my laptop. I sat down and started experiencing the most awful panic attack I have ever thought possible.
For a good hour and a bit, I chatted friends up and asked them for help. Some told me to call 911, others told me to relax and enjoy the trip. But the ones that helped me the most were the ones who provided comfort through assuring e I was safe and nothing would happen to me.
Anyway, once I was certain nothing would happen, I went into bed, drank some water and finally fell into a dream state filled with hallucinations. Oddly, I cannot recall any of them. Not even if they were of positive nature or not.
I woke up feeling different. I mean, it’s been approximately 14 hours since I woke up, and I still feel weird. I can’t explain it. I feel like my entire personality and consciousness was replaced, I feel cold and I panic over the smallest things. I feel I have only moderate control of my thoughts. I can’t explain it, but I wish it to be over soon… The fuck have I done this time…
Any advice? It would greatly help me… Also worth mentioning I only got about 4 and a half hours of sleep last night, since I had to wake up early in order to attend my studies. Could that affect the state of mind and feeling I am in right now?
I didn’t realise how broken my 5 year old nephew is he sat on the middle of the road wanting to be ran over because he said he felt so alone I ran across the road we both nearly got run over by a van we both cried and I realised if he was to kill himself I would follow straight after. I don’t want to die anymore and leave him in this world to suffer alone he told me I’m the only person he had last night he had a nightmare that me and him were the only ones alive and everyone else were zombies and we were running from them. I didn’t realise how broken he is :'( I would rather suffer and deal with the shit and drama of my family than leave him alone I don’t think I can bear him suffering bad enough he has to deal with his parents drama. I don’t want to die anymore
? Show quoted text
Falling so far from yesterday
Slowly, all of the colors fade
Sunshine dancing through the alleyway
Beautifully executed last ballet
And the audience was pleased
To have been the ones to see
Blue eyes turning green
In the limelight of the street
When the curtain is pulled
The whole city will go cold
And the fire from the foxhole
Cannot be controlled
So if you heard it, yesterday
Take back the words you’ll never say
Like “I’m okay,” and “Will you stay?”
Enjoy the show and press replay.
Falling so far from yesterday
Slowly, all of the colors fade
From black to white, and gold to grey
Enjoy the show and press replay.
Enjoy the show and press replay.
Enjoy the show and press replay.
Enjoy the show and press replay.
she’s hopless
she lies to keep herself alive
no one bears to see her pain
breaking everyday
everything is broken before her eyes
she feels trapped and hidden
no ones out to hear her
shes gave up so many times
its a dream for her to never wake up again
God if your really up there help her disappear
what’s left of me here?
just a brighter world and less fear
she wishes all day she can suddenly die
hoping for a way out of this hell hole
hoping someone can understand her pain
Have you ever looked at your photos and noticed how you used to smile more in older ones? As they get more recent your smile slowly fades.
I don’t think I could do it in someone else’s house. Is that too cruel? To change the way they see it forever? Not like they would be the ones to find me, but still. Though it’s the perfect opportunity.
Three guys walk into a motel to get a room for the night.
The attendant, a new hire, is unsure how to charge three people for one room. So he decides on $10 each, totaling $30. Each guy pays with a $10 bill.
The manger comes to check on the new attendant. He informs him, the room is $25 regardless of number of occupants. The manager gives the attendant five $1 bills, instructing him to take the men a refund.
The attendant, knowing each man paid $10, can’t decide how to split $5 between the three guys. So he pockets $2, gives each of them $1 back.
Now, each man paid $10 minus the $1 refund.
10-1=9
At $9 a piece, the 3 guys spent $27 on the room.
$9×3=$27
The attendant kept $2 for himself.
$27+$2=$29
Where’s the remaining dollar?
I guess places like this are why people love anonymous Internet posting so much.
If we met in person, I doubt we’d be friends. I doubt I’d get the lovely support I have been the last few days.
I might be one of the people you felt excluded, or trodden down by.
My friends are the ones with the bright smiles and pretty hair. My family loves and supports me. I got my chance to get an education, and was successful at it. I was never abused. I’ve never been dragged through the gutter.
People say I’m funny, and sweet, maybe too sarcastic sometimes. They think I’m smart and caring, and my parents should be so proud.
Maybe this would’ve been easier if I were more fucked up.
“Don’t Go”
(feat. Lights)
We all have our horrors and our demons to fight.
But how can I win, when I’m paralyzed?
They crawl up on my bed, wrap their fingers around my throat.
Is this what I get for the choices that I’ve made?
God forgive me, for all my sins. God forgive me, for everything.
God forgive me, for all my sins. God forgive me, God forgive me.
Don’t go, I can’t do this on my own.
Don’t go, I can’t do this on my own.
Save me from the ones that haunt me in the night.
I can’t live with myself, so stay with me tonight.
Don’t go.
Don’t go.
[Lights:]
If I let you in, you’d just want out.
If I tell you the truth, you’d vie for a lie.
If I spilt my guts, it would make a mess we can’t clean up.
If you follow me, you will only get lost.
If you try to get closer, we’ll only lose touch.
But you already know too much, and you’re not going anywhere.
Tell me that you need me ’cause I love you so much.
Tell me that you love me ’cause I need you so much.
Tell me that you need me ’cause I love you so much.
Say you’ll never leave me ’cause I need you so much.
Don’t go, I can’t do this on my own.
Don’t go, I can’t do this on my own.
Save me from the ones that haunt me in the night.
I can’t live with myself, so stay with me tonight.
Don’t go, I can’t do this on my own.
Don’t go (you’re not alone)
Save me from the ones that haunt me in the night.
I can’t live with myself, so stay with me tonight.
Don’t go.
[Lights:]
Don’t go. [11x]
I have never claimed I have OCD. That’s because I know how severe it gets for people. But some things I do are based off fear so bad that they prevent me from doing anything or making decisions–
On Friday I was sent to the E.R. for suicidal thoughts that were persistent. The night before I spent hours trying to find and decide what socks I should wear. I spent an hour (not exaggerating) telling myself that I shouldn’t wear the only pair of socks I found– grey socks.
I just felt it was wrong and would cause problems. I was so anxious during the night about the socks. And what happens? Chaos.
(Urgh my mother is yelling at me now:”You better lie to the counselors and the people and say you have no problems!!!!!!!!!” )
Her voice makes me want to stab my ear.
—Not the point:point is, I won’t go to bed tonight unless I know whether I should wear orange or blue pajamas. I made sure they come from the same company. They are just in different colors. Orange will represent innocence because I’ve hardly worn those pajamas during tough nights so it hasn’t experienced much. Blue ones are fierce and they’ll keep me strong tonight.
My fear for my pajamas is preventing me from sleeping. I need sleep and I can’t.
Not until my decision is made on pajamas.
I don’t expect to make the same mistake like the socks did.
No: this ISN’T a fashion statement.
Its insane and I know it. But in my mind I cannot go to bed without knowing one of them will keep me safe. Its insane.
For the first time someone envied me. It was my sister nonetheless. She envied my temporarily contentment and mistook it for happiness. Her tear stained cheeks, and hurt smile stirred the inner demons inside of me. The ones that thrived on the lost, the broken. It took a fairly decent amount of my mental health to hug and talk to her about what was bothering her and then sharing some of my *gag* feelings. I had to explain to her that in that moment I am content, not happy but i am okay with just being alive for now. That within an hour or so that moment of temporarily contentment will pass and my thoughts will kick in and render me into a curled up piece of shit on the floor that people will prod and speak to, but will walk away when they realize that you’re not their fantasy girl. When they realized that you cant be helped
i talked to my parents about me, about how i feel, and that i want to see a psychologist because i feel like i am dying inside but i wasnt strong enough to tell them that they were the reason, i feel this way because of them, i’ve figured it out. They are the ones fucking up my life and i hate it. i have figured that im completely happy when they are not around. But after i talked to them, it became worse, now they are all the time around, they dont even let me go to the freaking bathroom more than 3 m, they are behind my back 24/7 thanks to that i hate them even more now, i really thinking about leaving home, how? when? idk, i just dont wanna see them again, i hate them, i actually dont care if i’d have to sleep in the streets it would be better than being all the fucking time with them. Im truly losing my mind, fuck, i dont know what to do, and im scared of doing something that i will probably regret later, or kill myself that would be another option…Help me 🙁
There were many indications and hints long ago that something is off about me. There was a big fear that this thing that I call a life would never function like it is suppose to. Did anyone help? I don’t feel like they did but knowing how delusional I can be with my mind only thinking so negatively, they probably did.
Was it it helpful, I can easily say that no it didn’t really help me. Here I am years later with all of my issues amplified with new ones created. All of these problems coupled with the lack of energy that holds me down every day. I wish I could be free but I’m trapped in my own mind. I wish I could do the things that I want but it always turns to shit.
None of these things matter if I take my own life, it’s literally the only way I can see of escaping.
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