You said: ”I’ll go to another country, go to another shore,
find another city better than this one.
Whatever I try to do is fated to turn out wrong
and my heart lies buried as though it were something dead.
How long can I let my mind moulder in this place?
Wherever I turn, wherever I happen to look,
I see the black ruins of my life, here,
where I’ve spent so many years, wasted them, destroyed them totally.”
–
You won’t find a new country, won’t find another shore.
This city will […]
Hi, some of you may remember me, some may not, I am Rogue, the one who wanted so badly to join the army. well I had gone through the Military Entrance Processing Station. I did my oath and signed a bunch of papers pledging my loyalty. Little did I know that, until this night at around 9 pm, my mom informed me that there is little to no chance of quitting the army. After a quick 10 seconds of tears as I am having trouble letting them flow, and a few breaths of hyper-ventillation, I realize how fucked I really am. Now there are quite […]
I’ve come to the realization that living with these suicidal thoughts will probably never go away. This is my first time trying out an online community for suicide/depression or what have you because I feel I am running out of options. I feel I have no one who I can talk to in my life about these issues due to the deep shame that comes with them. Even though I feel I have a good support system, I don’t like feeling like I’m burdening those I love with all this I go through on a daily basis.
Getting to the point, I’ve realized that I am too scared to actually […]
It struck my recently. This rock-bottom self confidence, self hate, doubt, etc. It is fear. Fear of what you ask? That’s what I’m trying to figure out. I’ve never been this serious about something in a long time. I’ve been doing researches, reading and a lot of thinking. The whole Carl Jung theories were eaten whole one night. His theories on our “Shadow” is what stroke me the most.
Anyways, it seems I am deeply afraid of something. I just can’t find what. I wish I could say it’s a relief to have pinpointed something, but it’s not. Each time I start something, it just end midway. Fear of failure? Thinking […]
I was doing ok for a while….busy, had an relatively active social life, pursuing my dream (acting)….but now, seems as though things have come full stop. I hate it!!! Starting to think those dark thoughts again….starting to wonder if it’s really worth it. Hate my job!!! Hate my life!!! Hate being alone. Sure, I have my family (minus my Dad who passed away in Feb), but I really don’t want to burden them. This is my ordeal. I think I need to keep busy, it’s only when I’m busy that I don’t have a chance to think. Sitting and thinking is death. Thinking about my […]
I don’t really see what else there is for me to do. I feel like all I ever do internally and out is apologize for the kind of person I am and the choices I’ve made. I feel like I should apologize for not being successful the last three times I tried to commit suicide, both to myself and to everyone who’s had to deal with me since those points.
It’s been made pretty much abundantly clear that I am the thing standing between my mother and her relationship. Her **** of a boyfriend is so pre-occupied with how much of a disappointment I am that […]
How should I start off? Well here it goes, hi I am a international student (18 years old) and I am to graduate this year in May. The thing is I have never had friends since I was in the 7th grade, which was when my so called friends decided that it was cool to bully and ignore me. The one moment that still lasts in my head was the field trip… and it still plays in my head like a recurring nightmare… going on the train with my ex-friends and getting bullied throughout the field trip. Not only that but sleeping a spare tent […]
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