When I started high school I was a normal girl, I liked to laugh and make people laugh, I was loud but it wasn’t an obnoxious loud I just spoke my mind. But I started high school in a small town where everyone knew everyone and they didn’t accept outsiders, I was the outsider. I got bullied every day, by second semester I was tired of it. I felt bad for being weak under the pressure, so that made me feel worse. IÂ was always very insecure about my weight but it got worse in ninth grade, I took handfuls of diet pills everyday. I started […]
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Outsiders
Goodbye, I wish I could have left you with more. But, this pretty much sums up why I have decided to move on. Don’t worry, if there is such a thing as ghosts I will stay and watch over you all until the end.
I have always felt that suicide was connected to communication. Not due to a lack of opportunity, but to an impossibility to communicate and be understood. It can be frustrating to try to share something with somebody, something important and real to you, and see in the face of another person that he doesn’t care or, worse still, simply doesn’t understand you. […]
You know, I’m married to a wonderful man.
But all good people have a limit too. They will shut down also if they are constantly bombarded with negativity, bad bosses, bad coworkers, shitty clients, shitty company policy, problems in the home, depressed & suicidal wife….
I think him and my kids are the only reason I haven’t done anything. That and how outsiders will view them if I did anything to bring them down. They can not experience what I have in my past. Not them. Please not them.
But when I’m alone, I want it all to end.
I’m tired of being sick. Physically and mentally tired of being sick. Some […]
I live in a world that is not real. I feel like I don’t belong in this world. I was forced to pursue a career that I wasn’t interested in. I talk five sentences with my parents on a maximum. Â They have never once asked me how my day went. I never tell them. I don’t tell them about all the nights I sit alone and cry my eyes out into the pillow. I don’t tell them about the bad days I have, or the good ones either. My joys and my sorrows are entirely my own. I love learning about the Universe, but the […]
I finished reading this book today and i must say it is absolutley amazing,you won’t regret reading but my favorite part was the ending. I’ll try not to spoil it but it gave me another reason to live,to stay gold,it gave me hope that there is still good in the world,somewhere there is still good.
Born missing something in your brain. That piece that makes many crave attention and affection. When these things are offered you cringe in confusion. Knowing that others readily accept them but they seem rather uncomfortable. And you force yourself to act like you enjoy them because it makes others smile. One thing does touch you. The ones who are outsiders-ostracized-cast out-victims-pariahs. Their plight awakens an inner affinity.
Then there is the violation. Inall your collected data this only happens between adults. Between husband and wife. Between girlfriend and boyfriend. Not between adult and child. Not between two males. Deep down you know that this is monumentally worse […]
Today was actually ok, my dad didnt yell that much my mom was nice and everything went pretty smoothly…only probelm is tommorows monday amd get to see all the bitchy cheerlearders and other annoying assholes…i wish my friends understood, whemever i start to tell them they get this wierd arkward lookso i always end up making it into a joke and pretend it was nothing. Im tired if trying to conform into to someome im not..i dont even know who i anymore. From basicaly kindergarden i was the “wierd kid” the one who was always too mature, my mom used to call me an […]