Back in June i told myself i’m done self harming. Today after almost 3 months i relapsed. Its getting harder and harder to stop cutting, but the saddest part is that nobody understands. They don’t realize how much pain someones in when that blade slides across their own skin. I hate cutting yet i love it and i’m not sure i’m going to be able to stop again…..
I’m writing here to tell you guys how I feel. As one of the posts I read, this person implied that he/she isn’t suffering from anything dramatic such as a traumatic experience, death of loved ones, problems in relationships or family matters. I myself could say the same. Anyone would want a simple life like mine but guess what.. Even I’m suffering. I’m suffering in a way that doesn’t make sense at all. I think of contemplating suicide, some days more than others. Why? Because of these horrific and nightmarish thoughts I have. I can’t stand the fact of knowing we are like […]
i met a girl
and she told me
that she thought
she did not deserve a name
so
what i did
was rename her beautiful
now that’s what she cuts
into her own skin
-e.m.
im alive, im breathing,yeah. but i feel dead inside. there’s this empty place where my heart should be. i try to hold on so so hard for those who’d care. i know that some care,even if its just a few. some really try to help me, in every way possible,but obviously noone can tell my brain to stop talking. my mind continuously haunts me,my thoughts are impossible to escape. and i dont like the demons in my head. i don’t know how much longer i can handle being in my own skin,i’ll never be able to explain why i feel this way but i do. […]
Why should our worst demon be the one in our own skin?
IÂ sit there in the cafeteria
He sits on the floor he’s talking i cant hear him, my visions bluring black around the edges
I’m brought back because of an intense pain from my hand, my ex boyfriend yet again had bit me, i know he just flirting… that he’s only using me..
I smile laughing telling him it doesnt hurt, he doesnt realise he saved me from another embaressing seizure, he smiles biting my harder i ignore it typing on the computer with my left hand as i try to complete a school project. He lets go and we sit their for a while. I feel him bite […]
today i took a bath. its funny how you forget how much you love something until your denied it for such a period of time. all day at work i wished to be home in my tub. alone with the warm bubbly water. relaxed. i could drown if i wanted to. itd be easy. i could make a slice in my arm because i remember how my situation in life would be put on hold,as i count out the things i hate about myself in my own skin.
i really dont want to do this anymore. but for now i will just enjoy the water. […]
I want to live.   After 8 years of pain and self abuse, I am starting to see the sun again, and it feels good to feel again.  So glad that I found your site, I think that the people who focus on life vs death are the ones who most want to live. Sometimes I feel that a lot of others just go through the motions, or get numb. I want to experience. As I read through some of the things you have posted, I was amazed […]
I don’t have any emotion. I am completely numb. I have nothing to say, nothing to do, nothing to think. My mind is a total blank. This is almost worse than feeling depressed. Cuz I rather feel pain then nothing at all! All I feel is a constant state of anguish, like a slight annoyed/frustrated feeling but it feels more like I’m just completely uncomfortable in my own skin and in this house. I literally have nothing to say besides the classic “I don’t know”. I am not suicidal but I do want to die and if I found out I was gonna die tomorrow […]
I’m freaking out. I want something to wake me up. I want somebody to notice my lies. I want somebody to realize that I’m destroying myself. I want people to realize that I’m not okay.
I want to stop lying to myself. I want to stop thinking that it’s not okay to feel. I want to be able to cry and not feel like an ungrateful ****, because sometimes I don’t want to exist.
I want to remember what it is to be happy. I want to be able to smile and not those half-assed smiles that make me hate myself, because I know it isn’t real. […]
the Cutter
It feels a little tender at first, hot as blood rushes to greet the sharp edge of your relief.
You promised yourself you wouldn’t, but the pain is just to much, inside. If only you can find a balance, a balance between the lonely suffering of your internal hell and the sharp, clean, slice of your external shell. Deeper this time then ever before. You must dig deeper to let it out. Your inner hell, red in its anger, hot liquid in its trespass.
The blade slices, a dance of blood lights it’s way, your focus follows it, watching. You feel almost outside o […]
I cant shake these dark thoughts, suicide seems so appealing. I’ve been exposed to an incurable Virus, I’ve been getting help, finding support from others that are living with it, but i cant help but feel disgusting, like a leper. I feel dangerous, someone people should stay away from. I don’t want to have “The Talk” with anyone, I want to have a clear conscience. I don’t want the stress of giving my “gift” to someone else, I cant live with that. I cant live like this. I cant deal with the pain, the discomfort. I’m uncomfortable in my own skin, I only have ONE body, […]
I’m 23 years old. I’ve been depressed for over a decade. I attempted suicide at the age of 12, trying to hang myself with my bedsheets. I gave up because I had nothing I could hang myself from that would support my weight.
All through my school years, I never seemed able to make friends. I kept to myself and read books.
Up until recently- maybe two years ago- the exact reasons for my depression were unclear to me. I finally figured out that I was transgender, and I managed to push past the stereotypes on TV of “men in dresses, heels and heavy makeup”, and met […]