I want to share the change that happened in me. Maybe my words will mean something to someone. I met some people that shared some ideas with me and their words hit me where i needed it. These were those words:
I am not my thoughts, feelings or states, those are the things that are just passing through me. I can choose if i want to relate to them. I am the one that is aware of the thoughts and feeling,s, so they are not a part of me. They are the clouds and i am the sky. I exist even without any of […]
Tag:
Painful Memories
I know I’m going to get expelled again. But this time I’m not going to wait to see it happen. I’m having my first exam (in this new university) on Monday. I’ll take it. And then I’ll end it. Even just now, instead of getting myself ready for the upcoming exam, I’m just sitting here and staring straight before me. Every moment sucks. Every damn moment. I can’t get over the thought that I’ve chosen the cheapest way to die, and the most ridiculous. Drowning myself in a laundry basin, bullshit, huh? I’ve even been working hard on it, made a few trial runs, to […]
The anger is boiling
Festering inside of me
It wants to erupt
But will remain hidden
Away from all the preying eyes
That lie in waiting for me to break
Hidden deep within my heart
Away from everyone
Too many secrets
Painful memories
Lies
Betrayal
I won’t ever tell
No deals
Just forget it
The anger will remain
But my face won’t show it
My heart won’t tell it
I’m fine
Perfectly fine
Miss cheerful
As always
The same simple lie
I’ve been thinking about posting this since early this morning because I feel like I never got the chance to express myself in my post last night ,whenever I’m writing these posts I always criticize myself  and never fully release what I want to while writing them.
I’ve been struggling to keep it together lately compared to last year around this time. I let people stomp all over me and control me and I just let it happen I guess because of my own negative thoughts about myself,but lately I can’t keep up with the expectations people have of me because I seem so put together […]
But, sometimes her memory can get to me. Like her artwork hanging up in one of our similar classes, or seeing her eat quietly to herself during lunch hour. Brings up the painful memories of our happy times together. And this makes me lonesome sometimes. I am happy don’t get me wrong, but I just feel that hole that she created in me when I think about it. My story often reminds me of the song “Yesterday” by my most favorite band The Beatles. And sometimes when I listen to it, the memories of it all come flooding back to me.
I’ve shared my story before […]
Ok a lot of people may think i’m pathetic because i’m only 15 and i am already thinking about suicide… well i just don’t know what to do, i’m pretty much never happy i have so many bad memories in my past that i cant let go of… Up until about 2 years ago i always thought suicide was just an easy way out of things because that’s what my uncle did was take the easy way out of his problems by taking his life.
I now understand why some people think that is their only option, if you think you have nothing to live for then […]