so I kind of ruined my family a bit and I can’t seem to stop… I don’t want to hurt anyone but I told my mom that I wanted her to apologize sincerely for not being there to support me whenever I went through disciplinary trouble, and that I can’t move on until she does. Long story. Anyway, since the incident happened yesterday it feels like time doesn’t exist. There’s no future, barely any past, but everything is the present. I cut myself 20 times yesterday and I’ve been steadily taking painkillers since 3. I don’t even take pills. I don’t think I’m going to end […]
Tag:
Painkillers
Methadone Overdose – Anyone tried/failed or Anyone else thought of this?
by hastapasadas
written by hastapasadas
Just wondering how affective this is. Obviously fatality is the key here. Apparently when used with alcohol, effects are heightened. Never taken this before but can probably obtain it. Thinking of taking a concoction of a medley of sleeping tablets, alcohol, painkillers and this stuff. Bam.
Ive never been that girl to be “depressed”. Im always laughin,even when there’s that one thing that killed my mood,i always find something stupid to laugh at…now i realise that that was my brain’s automatic way of blocking out what i call pain.
Something happened tonight that changed me,my whole mental state. My dad hit me..not just hit but PUNCHED me. He misinterpreted something i said and took it as an insult, so then,he punched me. I must admit, im not the most respectful child,at all. But i NEVER thought my own father would punch me,as if i was one of his scumbag friends. Ive always […]
I cant bring myself to tell anyone. The one person i love enough to tell doesnt listen. Maybe he listens but doesnt want to know. I hate myself and the life i have. But its not a bad life which makes it so much worse. I have tried to kill myself by cutting when i was a preteen but was so chicken shit i only gave a little scratch. Then as i got older i turned to pills for the pain. Overdosing did nothing but send me off to fitfull bouts of bad dreams only to wake up with a pounding headache. As a side […]
Never know what to say when starting a new topic, so I suppose I typing this just to clear my own head.
All I seem to do is yoyo back an forth, one miniute I wanna save the world. Truly believe I can do it. Failing isn’t an option, by failing it would mean iv lied to myself for so long, about everything I believe. Peole tend to think that a small group of people can’t change the world, when it fact there the only people that ever have. And I believe that with every cell in my body.
Then in the next cold shallow […]
So, my story continues. Â I’ve got spinal problems causing chronic pain which I have lived with for years, but there’s no cure. Â Just strong strong painkillers. Â I’ve got mental health ‘issues’, to put it nicely. Â I have been diagnosed with clinical depression, to treatment-resistant depression, OCD and PTSD. Â Borderline personality disorder tendancies, with obsessional-compulsive personality disorder. Â My current diagnonsense is Bipolar II with complex PTSD, chronic pain and chronic suicidal ideation.
Recently though, this chronic level of suicidal thinking has escalated into something much deeper and darker. Â I am back to believing that things definitively cannot get better; I cannot get better as I am so […]
I’m just going to write and I’m not going to bother writing well. I know I will die of suicide, I just know it, since i was 12 i had a bet on with myself that i wouldn’t make it past nineteen, so just two years to go and it should be over. I’m not even going to bother going through all the shit I have been through, starting when i was four years old, and yet i tell people it all the time for the joy of seeing their faces. I’ve been raped and abused both sexually and emotionally (suprisingly the emotional abuse is […]
Hello.
This is my note. This is the only place my note will ever be, because I’m too much of a coward to actually go through with this.
I’m nothing, I mean nothing to myself. I would really rather disappear into nothing. Scatter myself into a thousand and one atoms, floating peacefully in space. Instead I’m stuck here, in this colourless hell. The only person i can talk to won’t listen, I can’t tell her anyway. I love her too much to let her bear this.
Anyway, my name is Sian. I’m nearly sixteen, I have blonde hair and brown eyes. I’m a dancer, that’s how I define […]
I feel sick all the time. From drinking problem to cocaine to meth back to full-blown alcoholism, then it was pills and painkillers and benzodiazepines and now I’ve finally graduated to heroin addict. As l look down at my hands, swollen and shaky and an odd color of purplish-grey…. I don’t know how I got here. I’m only 22 and I need 12-13 hours of sleep per day and so much therapy and alllll my spare time spent in waiting rooms for drs offices and hospitals…. I’m so so sick and I wonder if life would just be easier if I was gone. I no […]
I’ve hit it. I’m a 19 year old gay male and i’ve been crying my eyes out for so many nights now. I want to just end it all..I am so miserable and lonely. I’ve brought most of this on myself I guess…i think I have herpes and it fucking disgusts me. I hate these fucking sores on my lips…why did I have to do this to myself? I feel like such a disgusting whore. I miss my exboyfriend and I wish i could have done more for him..instead I fucked up. I fuck everything up. I don’t know why I was brought intothis world…both […]
Im tired n going to fix that someday, if you know what pain is i can promise you that the pain i have is on a level so high that no painkillers helps, o nice…
I just dont want to wake up tomorrow, i just dont want to do that.
In my eyes life isnt worth living in anymore, there havent been a painfree day in my head since 1983 after a car crash, i died in that crash but somehow they got me back, my biggest misstake in life. Took over a year to learn to walk again after this accident.
Got a job […]
My psychologist says that use of escape mechanisms and mental painkillers makes me dependent on them and sensitive to pain, just the like people who use aspirins and conventional analgesics to deal with everyday pains become even more sensitive to the everyday pains of life. His recommendation is that “you just have to feel it sometimes”.
But mental painkillers are just so addictive. Thoughts of suicide are just sooo addictive, and comforting…well here is one of my painkillers, a cover of a popular Chinese song.
Im only 16 but things are already at an extreme low. It started when my parents unexpectedly divorced when i was ten. my dad left, we had to move out because my mom couldnt afford the rent, I was inbetween my parents who would tell me each others deep dark secrets about the other parent to make me think worse of them. My dad told me my mum was a slut and that he didnt even no if i was his. I couldnt look at her the same and moved in with my dad for a year. My dad got depressed and got married to an […]
I’ve always thought it’d be better if I was dead. When I found out I was born dead, as in not breathing and doctors and nurses rushing round because I wasn’t going to make it… it makes me laugh my f**king head off. I’m still here, today. What an achievement.
I don’t remember my first suicidal thought. I remember my last. It was a few seconds ago, as always. I think about it every day, but every day I don’t do a damn thing about it and wake up the next morning just to start over again. I’m pathetic like that. Tomorrow’s never going to get […]