i know i said im not ever going to post here again… but too much has happened since i decided not to post here anymore and im just absolutely terrified of every option i have as of this point… i’ve been so stressed out over the past two/three weeks and i’ve come to having panic attacks more than two times a day, almost every single day. first thing, Sunday night two/three weeks ago i was really struggling and i talked to one of my friends and she came to the conclusion that i was contemplating suicide, even though i didn’t say that exactly. so Monday […]
i don’t have a lot of scars but i try to give myself more. i love my parents but they want me to kill myself sometimes. Yes, i am not perfect , I AM NOT THE PERFECT 15 YEAR OLD DAUGHTER YOU WANT! sorry for that newsflash. You make me want to hurt myself sometimes but when i hear people talking about you both i go crazy. i let my anger out on them. I have anger issues, mild depression, sometimes panic attacks , heart conditions, a leg problem, bullies, and more but i keep all this inside and try to tell nobody. i cry for hours and days but still i make sure nobody notices. It […]
so i had school today… and this year since i started having panic attacks in july, i’ve been really stressed out in school because my anxiety kicks in when there is too much noise or too many people. i have been able to manage when it kicks in in the classroom, but today they decided to have a ‘pep rally’…that did not work out very well for me. i ended up having a panic attack and had to leave the gym.
I can’t keep hoping everything will take a turn. No matter what my therapist or family tell me, I let hope go a long time ago.
I cry because I know the only way out. I cry because I have no future. I cry randomly.
I pop a pill prescribed for panic attacks and anxiety. Klonapin. Oh my.
I shouldn’t have to take a zoloft, 3 buspar and 2 klonapin to get through every day.. So lets take my days away. I want to leave and feel pain. Then I’d feel.. I’d feel happy. Relief. Happy. Relief. Happy. Relief. Happy…? Relief…?
Die.
I’ve tried everything to get better. Meds, therapy, at least 7 hospital stays, vitamins, diet, ECT…10 years i’ve been in this hell! My last episode has lasted all of this year and most of last year, without a break!! I’m never happy for longer than half a day at a time and that happens very rarely (maybe once a month). I’ve been suicidal for over 7 months since my ECT treatment failed to help me. I’ve seen over 8 psychiatrists and none have helped. My current doctor’s only suggestion was to come off meds entirely (cause they do nothing) and find a new therapist. That’s it. […]
I’m tired of hiding behind a fake smile. I’m tired of having all the panic attacks. I’m tired of dreaming of you every single night. I’m tired of waking up each day, hating myself for losing you. I’m tired of this 5 month long depression. I’m tired of living this unhappy life. I think tonight will be the night. Just remember, not a second has gone by that I haven’t loved you. I’m sorry about being that egotistical jerk I was in the past. I’ve changed, but it’s just way too late. I just can’t do this anymore, I’m surprised I’ve lasted this long. This […]
i’m 20 years old and my life always had been difficult, now i am at a point that i can’t go anymore further.. 🙁
My friends are slowly abandoning me,i don’t have a girlfriend and my parents hates me,i don’t have a job or money.
I started having panic attacks cause of my situation and i’m afraid of meeting people,i’m loosing all my self esteem..
i have searched in the net for so long a nice method for suicide,but every method seems uneffective
some people tells that helium can fail,pills fails… it seems that everything is more likely to fail that having effect.
I don’t […]
I keep having mental and nervous breakdowns over the stupidest things. For one, when ever i think of my job (subway) i wanna break down crying because i hate it so much. Just having the dog pee on my bed will set me off into a huge crying and sobbing episode that will last for hours. I have panic attacks when that happens. I am seeing a psychiatrist and i dont know how to bring up the fact that i think i need xanax or ativan or something because when i have those episodes i become very suicidal. I have bipolar by the way so […]
God I was feeling so good yesterday, and now it’s back to not being able to concentrate and having panic attacks non stop.
I’ll start at the beginning. A few months ago, my mum started getting really sick. At first she refused to admit it (she is a very proud person, and I guess I inherited it from her), but she eventually went to the doctor. Over the next couple of months, the doctor (and others he had brought in) couldn’t figure out if it was cancer or something less serious and therefore to this day haven’t diagnosed it. During this time, both my brother and I have […]
i really do hate having panic attacks. the last time i had one, i got very short of breath, my chest hurt, i was backed up against a wall crying and screaming at everyone, convinced in my mindset that everyone was going to hurt me. I dont even know what i was screaming about, i dont really even remember. Probably just for everyone to go away and leave me alone so that i didnt have to cut with them watching.
Cutting….
I dont ever remember doing it, when it’s happening I feel, out of body, like im not really there. just an hour later, i look down […]
I have batteled depression since I was a teen, I am 31 now. I just started really getting treatment and tring to stick with it over the past year or two. I have a wonderful truley caring psychiatrist and am on a number of meds as she tries to find something that works.  In the mean time suciadal thoughts and idealations are a part of everyday life, I just want to be shut out and isolated from everyone so far that my mind keeps putting thoughts into my heads as to ways to kill myself. And I have tried, twice as a teen and twice […]
I realise now that I have a problem. Actually scrap that, I always knew. The difference is that I am now ready to admit that I have a problem. So much has happened in my life and being the stubborn person I am, I pushed it all inside and pretended it didn’t matter. Now it has all come at me at once. Flashes of trauma, whether they be emotional, physical and even the few sexual from my past have come back and I can no longer live normally. I don’t sleep (without medication or alcohol), I barely eat, I’m always so sad, angry or anxious. […]
My GP has just prescribed Zopiclone for insomnia also Beta Blockers for panic attacks.Along with Mirtazapine, citalapram Carbamazapine and Tramadol, which I have been taking for years. Should I just stop taking the whole fucking lot….I feel like a wretched Zombie most of the time. My short term memory is shot to hell. I am so tired all the time I could weep. My appetite is zero. Life is pretty much fucking unbearable. Does anyone else cope without all this medication? Is it better? I am very confused.
hey everyone …..xx
hope you are all well .. <——- that question is so fckn annoying dontcha think .. = of course we are not well dumbass !!
well i know im not – i dont know what to do .. im so lost – numb – sick of my life !… im so scared im confused ..
today ive not really been in touch with reality to be honest – ive not even got washed or dressed – TRAMP ALERT !
I feel a deep love for Jasmine, a longing to show her I love her. I have gone past the sexual thoughts and I just want to hold her and kiss her. I was reading a sex story based on the Naruto show and how he pleased the women he seduced by treating them well. He showed them he would treat them right. I got teary eyed and my heart felt weird as I thought of Jasmine and as I think of it I get cold chills.Â
I love Jasmine so much. Is this not a feeling of love? Is this really purely a desire and […]
I listened. I broke it off with my cousin. I couldn’t sleep at night, had many panic attacks. This is very problematic. I think I made a mistake. She probably hates me now, well at least I will get a psychiatrist sometime soon. I just texted her and she hasn’t answered, anxiety is coming back at school. Never had a public panic attack. I’m worried.Â
I think i fucked up bad, breaking up with jasmine. She’s my cousin but these intense feelings are real, as real as pain, and until they go away, then I still feel love for her. Mot just plain lust. Yeah, she […]
I guess I’m just confused. I can’t even decide what to write. I don’t feel like cutting anymore, or even killing myself. I don’t even feel like being dead. I suppose this means the cymbalta’s working. I just don’t want to live. I still have panic attacks daily and thats really the only time IÂ actually feel connected to the world around me. The rest of the time I feel like a real person sitting in a cartoon movie – almost like I’m looking down on everything.I keep making mini suicide attempts though (overdosing, ect.) that I know won’t actually kill me. Part of my brain […]
Multiple panic attacks. Tonight will be a long night, I can’t and won’t sleep. -_- my third post and waiting for my 4rth or thrid panic attack this night. Keep reflecting on my epiphany very bad for me to to do. Oops not again. Fuck meÂ
I guess I should start from the beginning. My name is Sunshine. Well not really, but its an alias. I don’t care if my punctuation is that great either. I have been there. Maybe my life hasn’t been as bad as a lot of people, but I am fighting my own demons. I have always felt like an outsider. I have a list of things wrong with me. I don’t currently take any medication for anything either. I have attempted suicide as well as have cut in the past. I still get very depressed every so often. And I don’t like talking about it because […]
I cannot do this anymore. My life is falling apart faster every second. I’m falling back into depression. My anxiety is eating me alive, panic attacks lasting all day. I’m never happy, I just want to be unconscious. I am pathetic, I use/abuse any drug I can get my hands on; anything that will take this feeling away and numb me. Everything good crumbles to pieces and I can’t fix any of them. Everyone is leaving me, anyone who is still here will eventually leave like the rest. I’m failing in school.  I am not okay. I am in so much pain. I can’t stand to […]