I should have one of those fairy tail lives, I come from a good family, always went to good schools, I always got good grades, but it’s never good enough. I’m a college student at a decent college, nothing amazing. I played division 1 sports on one of the best teams in the country for 2 years and quit as of this year. No one in my family supports my decision to quit. I didn’t quit because I’m lazy, I quit because I’m a math major, I make the deans list frequently, school is what is important to me, but my classes didn’t fit with […]
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Paralyzing Fear
I can see that this is how things will continue to be. I wake up every day worried. On a Saturday where I have the choice to not interact with the world and just hide from it. My best friend can tell something is not right, but I just don’t want to have that conversation anymore. Unless you have experienced it yourself, there are simply no words to express the darkness. Some of us are just damaged and broken.  I feel like I don’t fit anywhere in this life.
I am losing this battle. My battle to live, experience joy. My life is so consumed by my fears of failing […]
this is gonna take awhile… I can’t escape my past, and yet I’m terrified of my future. I suffered through 16 years of a severely abusive childhood, ending in my father committing suicide in 2000; it left me with a paralyzing fear of abandonment, making it next to impossible for me to connect with anyone. I met the girl that I would marry in march of 2000, just 2 weeks before my father died; we just had our first child in February of this year – and here’s where the future comes into play. I’ve been subconsciously pushing away from my wife for the last […]