So,this is my first post,and I hope it will be the last. My dad is in terrible shape. He smokes,he’s admittedly very overweight,he has a bad back and a bad heart,and it’s a true and terrifying thought that he could drop dead at any moment,and he’ll leave me forever. I can’t stand what he does to himself,it’s as is he wants to die and leave me and my brother and sister. I never want to leave his side because I’m afraid something will happen and I won’t be there to help him. Every morning I get to wake up every morning to him waking me up for school,and I become so relieved for the first five seconds that I haven’t lost him yet,but then I realize that he could have a heart attack during his 12-hour shift, or go into cardiac arrest in the hallway,or he could trip and hit his head and never wake up. It’s all these uncertainties that could become truths at any point,and I just have no way to stop him from breaking himself,or a way to keep myself from feeling like this.It drives me insane,knowing that I may have to bury my own father,and go into the world without him to show me how. I have honestly considered killing myself so I Won’t have to see this come true. But I can’t. Because he taught me to well. He taught me to find a solution and to be a good person. And if I killed myself, then I would not only cause drama and a scene,but I’d put to much strain on him, and I’d be a disappointment to him. I have nowhere left to turn.
Please, someone help me.