Haha it’s one of those nights again
Haha I can’t be the only one who feels this shit, right?
Posting drunk when I’m honestly sober
But I feel like last years tequila finally went to my head
I’m running through the parking lot screaming
My boss is parked right here
Slashing those tires, and I cut my hand
Suddenly my wrists are bleeding out
Haha I actually love my job, you know?
Haha my blood turns his white truck brown
Eyes wide enough to open the door
My smile returns and no one will know
Twitching on the bus as I wanna die on the […]
Tag:
Parking Lot
It would be nice if, for once, leaving your house didn’t mean potentially ending up in that school parking lot by myself at 3 in the morning.
I’m driving, and I can feel it coming on. I knew it was going to happen as soon as you touched me and my thoughts immediately replaced your hands with his. I held it off the whole evening so I could enjoy my time with you but as soon as I’m alone again, I am truly alone. The wheel become harder to control as my hands start shaking and my breathing gets ragged. My head becomes lighter and fills […]
I was physically abused by my brother until I was 16 and left home. I admitted it to my parents, with whom I have always been very close with 3 years ago.
They claim to believe me. The claim to back me up. But after my last suicide attempt, after 3 days in 4 points in the ICU, when sent to the psych ward..they promised me certain things.
You see I uprooted my entire life on the West Coast to move back to the Midwest and help care for my sick father. He’s very young, only 65. But has a host of degenerative diseases. I went from […]
I just lost someone that was so fuckin special to me. I’m crying and I’m gonna find some way to make myself feel better. I think I may do alot of burning and cutting. JUst went out and bought tons of razors and I have a whole bag of weed in my room just calling my name because what else is there for me now. Maybe I’ll go for a little joy ride in a parking lot and end up in a tree. Wouldn’t that be nice? To end up dead after everything I’ve been through. All the abuse and hurt and pain. Just end […]
…it came to me like a freight train plowing through molasses.
Society is slowly growing so stupid that it soon will not be possible to express it in words.
It is an existential stupidity.
In the frozen food aisle at the grocery store, right next to the chicken-nuggets, there was a section for frozen-yogurt dog-treats. Dog treats. Made out of frozen yogurt. I’m not sure what to make of it… Then, while in the meat department, I noticed a sign above one of the sectionals which said, “Natural Meats,” with an arrow pointing down. No thanks, I thought, I’m looking for the unnatural meats. Like cloned bats and […]
Most of the time I feel permanent. Not like immortal or anything, but more timeless. Fixed, I guess you could say. Because of this, I’m not easily afraid of anything, even death.
Once I was out with some friends at a restaurant. I can’t even remember exactly what was said, but a friend of mine said something that humiliated me in front of everyone. Now, there are a few emotions which my brain simply cannot process and my body simply cannot contain. Shame is one of them. I stood up, walked out, and cold late autumn air immediately began to burn my bare arms. I didn’t know […]
Every day I hope that something can happen to make this easier for me. On my way to work, can someone run a red light and hit my car, can I just not wake up, can something out of my control happen, to just get me out of here. I don’t want to be here, and I haven’t for about a year. All these people who die in accidents, who are murdered, who just DIE… and here I am. Nothing…
I’ve been cutting for almost 10 years… I’m 24 years old, with the same habits I had in high school… it was never a ‘I want […]
“The Suburbs”
In the suburbs I
I learned to drive
And you told me we’d never survive
Grab your mother’s keys we’re leavin’
You always seemed so sure
That one day we’d be fighting
In a suburban war
Your part of town against mine
I saw you standing on the opposite shore
But by the time the first bombs fell
We were already bored
We were already, already bored
Sometimes I can’t believe it
I’m movin’ past the feeling
Sometimes I can’t believe it
I’m movin’ past the feeling again
Kids wanna be so hard
But in my dreams we’re still screamin’ and runnin’ through the yard
And all of […]
I quit my job after 3 days. 3 whole days and i quit. im such dumb failure. Im over-sensitive, and social anxiety, and i couldn’t take the fact that those god awful customers disrespected me like that. i couldn’t bare the fact that i got threaten, assaulted and harassed. im so stupid. Secondly, this guy scared the crap out of me in the parking lot. i have never been so scared before. I was in the parking lot sitting in my car reading something, and this guy comes out of nowhere and parks next to me. He just starring at me, and he winks, and i got […]
I’m very curious… of course this is a hypothetical question…
If someone were to drive to a hospital – a good one that is familiar with organ donating (unless they all are??) – and “accidentally” shoot themselves in the ER parking lot, bullet to the brain via the throat (??), and was WAY beyond possible resuscitation (brains blown out – hopefully nothing left) – and if that person had a note saying it was ok to donate body organs to those in need – would it be medically possible to save those organs and transplant successfully – in those 5 minutes or so it would […]
Here I am trying to catch up on last minute details.
I had a fun time writing my own obituary and even put some humor in it. I am going to leave it in my home taped to my refrigerator along with my handwritten, live and dead wills. I understand that if you just type it out and sign it, the document can be contested. The same goes for DNR orders and suicide notes. You can write a short version of the note by hand for the police department, photocopy it and put them in separate envelopes. You can then type up a long version where […]
So, I went out into the world today. Crazy, I know. I didn’t even give a shit if I looked like a zombie. I didn’t try to put on a happy face or smile at strangers or laugh needlessly. I was myself. I was my emotionally drained self. I felt like I wasn’t really ‘there’ today. Not like an out-of-body thing, though. Ugh, I don’t know how to explain it. One of the things I did today was return a pair of jeans that were too loose. I now have $28.00 to my name. Yay. I’m going to hold on to that 28 dollars like […]