Miguel De Unamuno – An Eternal Elegy
Oh Time, Time,
relentless tyrant!
Oh terrible mystery!
The past does not return,
it never comes back again,
ancient history!
Yes, ancient, but always the same,
terrifying!
Always present…
. . . . . . . . . . . .
When consciousness is deprived
of the passage of time,
what is it that remains?
What happens to light if the mirror is broken?
. . . . . . . . . . . .
Fierce Saturn,
oh […]
Although I may never commit suicide
I spend parts of each day thinking about suicide –
Thinking about how I lack the courage to do it.
–
I wake in the mourning with 60 per cent depression.
That’s how it remains for the whole day,
Except for the odd occasion in a year
–
In the doorway or on the street I meet by chance
For a few minutes a woman passing-by
Who has the time to stop and talk for three minutes
–
Or five minutes or even sometimes seven or eight minutes,
Who rocks back on her heels in her pink, hooped skirt
With laughter, no matter what the topic.
–
Depression and despair are two different states
Of mind, […]
Our efforts are those of men prone to disaster;
our efforts are like those of the Trojans.
We just begin to get somewhere,
gain a little confidence,
grow almost bold and hopeful,
–
when something always comes up to stop us:
Achilles leaps out of the trench in front of us
and terrifies us with his violent shouting.
–
Our efforts are like those of the Trojans.
We think we’ll change our luck
by being resolute and daring,
so we move outside ready to fight.
–
But when the great crisis comes,
our boldness and resolution vanish;
our spirit falters, paralyzed,
and we scurry around the walls
trying to save ourselves by running away.
–
Yet we’re sure to fail. Up there,
high on the walls, the […]
Muerte (Death)
To die to sleep… to sleep… perchance to dream.
(Hamlet, act iii, scene iv)
You are the dream of a God; when you awake
will you return to the womb where you were born?
Will you then be what you were before?
Will your death be a new birth?
–
Is this dream absent during wakefulness?
Luckily here the mystery assists us;
as a remedy of our sad life
our fate remains an inviolable secret.
–
Let your future remain hidden under the fog
and walk calmly […]
Why is it so painful to let go and be free? Past times are deep, festering wounds, poisoning my soul and dragging me down. I’m stuck here, trying to figure out how to fix what I did not break. I want to breathe, to shine, to be myself for the first time in my life, but anger and resentment define me. I am trapped inside the twisted cage of my own rancid emotions, time and again forgiving and forgetting only to end up right back where I started…
Life is a cruel, endless joke.
heads up everyone, i ramble. i feel nothing and at the same time i have so many thoughts that i cant think, so this is basically emotional throw-up. read it. or dont. im mostly just putting my thoughts down so that i can understand them better myself.
i was angry and sad today, as i often am, and stumbled across this site. whoever started it, kudos to you, because its nice to talk to people who understand, rather than broken records saying ‘dont be depressed, be happy’. lovely, i will just do that then. oh wait, i dont know how. its not a simple thing, though it seems like […]
This may be a bit confusing to some of you, but it’s what has the need to be let out of my head. When you’re depressed you need to hold onto whatever you can to live. Make up an excuse and believe it. I can’t say I have felt more pain than someone else because no one can feel what someone feels. I can imagine what others have been through based on my tolerance of pain, but to say I have it worse than someone else does can’t be true. Yes, I know this is horrible, but at least once everyday I imagine killing myself […]
hey sp im just here to say life is bullshit i tried my best to stay up but i keep going downhill i tried so many times topping myself never wrked ive dne alot of good but still get badluck for sme reason i got ppl who just act like they like me but its all fake i aint got no one im under anxiety but it get worse and worse when i take my meds i cry alot.Past few days ive been dwn want to leave this world asap. Im bored lonely depressed of life. Now im trying a differnt method of dieing starve […]
There is something liberating about accepting being a nobody.
I have been bullied, belittled, and abused as a child in both my school and in my family. For the longest of times, I have done my best to improve my reputation and status in society in response to these actions. However, I have failed time and time again. After numerous short lived careers, huge heart aches, and personal failures, I have come to the realization that, indeed maybe they were all correct before. Maybe indeed I am a nobody.
If it is truth, then all my past failures, misfortunes, and regrets can be rationally, logically, and justifiably explained […]
It has been a while since I last posted on Suicide Project. I know no one really cares about my posts and that is fine. I understand. Now the thing is I am doing really, really well since I was last on.
When I was last on I had just told my parents that my grandfather had molested me and that I am bisexual. I was highly depressed and I was having panic attacks and I was failing in school, not to mention I was feeling like I had no one to talk to. That was way back in I think March. I got through the […]
Get me past blood
Past walls
Past meds
Past the next step
Let me go blind
To the crippled
To that hospital image
To the dark colors
To how I got here
Let me go deaf
To the loud ringing
To the insecure patient
To the crying little boy
To the prosecutor
Let me not feel
The needles in my arm
Your razor blade tongue
The gnawing on my bones
I don’t believe that dead people speak
Nor that prophets walk on water
That just leaves me with
All those years of scrambled nonsense
And broken Angels
Amen
Thinking about the past is one of the worst things one can do, once you are alone you start thinking about every problem and struggle you have gone through. Thinking about a situation you want to completely forget about but it will always be there no matter how much time goes by.
And it hurts, it hurts so much.
Because no one ever thinks that that situation was going to ever happen but it did and there is nothing one can really do about it.
Today has been one of the toughest day of my life. I block all those people who have hurt me. Why bother keeping in touch with them, why bother letting them know that I’m dying, they won’t care. Like today I lost a friendship today. I spoke the truth, but he either didn’t care or just to worry about his past that he didn’t want another problem. Or maybe I was blabbing my mouth just to get him out my life. But I’ve realized that it was a sign. Him and the others weren’t worth my attention because they never wanted it in the first […]
I delay suicide because I’m afraid of the other side but deep down I know things will never be OK. Everything’s telling that I’ve long past my welcome… I’ve no money or friends and I’m financially dependent upon society and family to stay alive, everyone who’s known me thinks I’m a joke of a person, and i’m too damaged to function in society or ever be good at anything. I am either brain damaged or was born with an intellectual disability and I have no ability or personality to belong on this earth. I fooled myself into thinking I was getting better but I’ll always be […]
Please let me go already,my body my mind I can’t deal with them they won’t listen to me I’m going insane and nobody cares,I don’t want future I don’t want past I don’t want present I just want to disappear from this world,I don’t want more nightmares I don’t want more thoughts I don’t want more fears I don’t want more agony please let me go. PLEASE BEFORE I LOST IT COMPLETELY PLEASE LET ME GO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
It’s been 3 years since we said goodbye. He wanted it to last, I wanted it to end. I knew I broke his heart, but I had to do it. I was nearing my end, and I had to end us before I ended myself.
I didn’t tell him that reason though, I told him that I was too immature for him. He deserved someone on his level, a smarter person, someone unbroken. I wasn’t ready to take on the responsibility of someone else’s feelings.
I removed him from facebook, made my profile extremely private, and made my last status.
The rope wasn’t strong enough.
He’s always been in the […]
These voices are becoming too much to bare. I’ve heard voices all my life, but never to this extreme. I have counted as many as 20 voices all arguing with each other but agreeing over a mutual hatred of me. Telling me to kill myself. Telling me that I’m not worth it. Saying I’m waste of time/space/and money. Calling me a slut. Saying I deserved what those guys have done to me. Telling me not to as my crush out because he’ll just reject me, laugh in my face, and hurt me like everyone else. I fear they’re winning. Slowly driving me insane. I really […]
It’s funny how people who claim to have had past lives were usually something glamorous like a monarch or a saint. You rarely hear people saying that they were a crack whore or a depressed garbageman in a prior incarnation.
Do the wounds or damage caused by a persons past ever fade or go away? With me the answer is always no. Everywhere i turn there’s someone or something that reminds me of a past i wish wasn’t mine. My past has changed me in ways i wish it hadn’t. Because i don’t believe i was meant to be someone with an inability to trust anyone, someone whose afraid to trust someone enough to let them in , because trust means giving someone your heart and trusting them not to break it. But, i’ve been burned so many times by those closest to me, my mum, […]
I used to be very happy little girl. I was always smiling. I loved being with others, seing their smile. But now that part of me, that little girl is already dead. She died few years ago, because she was always all alone. Nobody never cared about her. Nobody wanted to spent his time with her. She was born only because such a stupid mistake. Her parents never wanted to have a child. She was just a burden to them. She dreamed of having friends so badly, but she was so shy not confident at all, so it was a little bit difficult for her. […]
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