My father was holding me back in life and I hadn’t realized this until now that i moved out. I feel happier these days, happier than I’ve ever felt in a while. My insecurities are quickly vanishing within a matter of weeks. I had forgotten how social the real me was. Surprisingly I’m quite impressive with the ladies. I can sleep better too.
My fathers’ anger has empowered me to take a leap of faith into unknown territory but to my surprise I’m doing just fine living in an apartment by myself….more than fine…I feel awesome!! I will sacrifice a mansion for a healthy mind any day. I don’t want his money, i just want to be me again. And i want him to heal for his own good. However i will say I’m surprised how much i miss him despite all the physical and emotional abuse I’ve experienced from him and despite how much he’s abused my brothers and my mom in the past. Its unconditional love i suppose. I still believe there’s more good in him than evil. My mom could never forgive him. She’s even told me that he will burn in hell once he’s gone. I understand where that hate comes from but i can sense a conflict in him. He’s shown signs of his better self before and the abuse is starting to happen less in that household. He is just lost, and super stressed. I wont give up on him, that’s why I’ve given myself space from him. I don’t know why he’s so angry all the time but I wanna help him. One less mouth to feed should ease his stress some. I wish my father could open up to me about his trauma. I’m sure its something in his past that’s clouding his mind with anger.