Tag:

Psychopathy

showers. [and other ramblings]

by system 2/5/2021

written by system

I’ve been avoiding showers and changing clothes. Partially because I’m low functioning, but mostly because I don’t want to remember. Every time I shower or change my clothes, I have to see it. I have to see his name, etched into my flesh.

I feel sick to my stomach right now. I can’t stop thinking about it. The things he did. The things he made me do. It’s humiliating. I feel so small and hopeless. I just want to forget. Whenever I remember or think about the things that happened, my face feels heavy.

I want to crawl out of my skin, I don’t want this […]

2/5/2021 6 comments

today, and all the other days [a cry for help]

by system 2/4/2021

written by system

I’m hurting a lot today. I would say more than normal, but on the other hand, it just feels the same– and that’s part of why it’s so exhausting. Everything has become so mundane. I’ve been sober since late September, I think. I’m proud of myself, I guess. But, dealing with my feelings instead of numbing them with vodka is debilitatingly difficult. I’m having the same issue with sleep. I have horrifying chronic nightmares. Sometimes, my brain will give me an extra “fuck you” and I’ll have a night terror. I’m so tired. I’m so, so tired. I used to snort Ritalin at night in […]

2/4/2021 3 comments

how do i feel

by system 2/3/2021

written by system

Dead. Dead, but breathing, to put it simply. I can feel myself deteriorating slowly from the inside. Emotionally, physically, mentally. I can feel it in my bones. At this point, I look into the mirror and I am terrified. Who the hell is that? Is that me?

Is it?

I suppose I look like any other person. I suppose.

My insides are all sick and rot. Like bondage on my organs, the PTSD gets a tighter hold on me every single day. I can’t quite process what happened in August. I know what happened, but it all feels like a fever dream. Do I really have the right […]

2/3/2021 3 comments

Inside a mind

by Sherlock 8/3/2013

written by Sherlock

Many things people think about sociopaths is that they are dishonest, narcissistic, and unremorseful. We are, but I promise you I’ve never killed a puppy. Nor am I a serial killer. I’m most certainly not Mr. Sherlock Holmes. I am very intelligent and clever, though. To be honest, I can fake empathy very well.

Believe it or not, sociopaths can be depressed. I am living proof of that. While I cannot feel sorry for you, I can very well feel sorry for myself. It’s all in the level of psychopathy.Â I admit it, I’m self centered. I won’t be naive and deny it. My therapist says that […]

8/3/2013 1 comment

Death is coming, but it hasn’t arrived

by diustav 6/21/2012

written by diustav

You can call me Robert for now, even though that’s not my true name. You’ll never know my actual name, unfortunately, because I won’t be around to tell it to you. Obviously, i plan to kill myself, but you would be mistaken if you thought that i was sad right now. As a matter of fact,this is the first time that I’ve felt happy in years! Finally, finally, I have found a way to end myself; to put a stop to the horrible thing that is my mind.

Over the years, I have been plagued with psychopathy. I couldn’t even walk down the fucking street without […]

6/21/2012 4 comments