I wasn’t planning on posting here for another couple of days, but recent circumstances have altered my plans. June 27, 2010 is the day that one of my best friends took his own life. I write a memorial post here each year on that day as a way for me to remember him by. Last night another one of my friends committed suicide. It’s been numbing, as I’ve realized how little it affects me. Not because I don’t care, as this is a person that I had a great deal of respect for, and someone that I genuinely enjoyed being around. I know he had […]
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Quite Some Time
I’ve imagined possible suicide methods for quite some time, but I never thought overthinking and looking back would do it. Considering what I’ve gone through, I have no control over it. I’m sorry I’m about to write a lot down.
I was conceived on the day my father forgot to pull out. I was not planned. My older sister needed a friend so my mother kept me. One and a half years after I was born, my parents divorced. Why? My father loved prostitutes and vodka more than his family. After that my mother dated numerous men and married & divorced 2 men before I reached […]
Whether that be through a botched surgery or adverse effect to a medication? Â For me personally my life was ruined by my dentist who removed my mercury fillings without using proper precautions and exposed me to a shitload of mercury and basically destroyed my brain. Â I then got tested for my mercury levels but for some reason they showed up at “normal” levels whatever that means. Â I know I’m poisoned though so psychologists/psychiatrists called me delusional and gave me the diagnosis of schizophrenia. Â My life is over and has been for quite some time. Â Is this all there is to life?
the warm fuzzy feeling i had last week didn’t last too long. the feeling that maybe life isn’t such a bad thing and maybe there was hope for the future. my talent for self sabotage rears its head again. it is a talent rooted in self protection. always waiting for the other shoe to drop. no good deed goes unpunished so to speak. if i feel good about myself and life karma always seems to find a way to kick me in the ass. i tell you god is one twisted mofo. but as i am constantly reminded i am still here. can’t be all […]
i am an adult, now. at least according to the law – i’ve been an adult for quite some time. i’m 23 years old, on my fourth year of university and nowhere near graduation. i’m majoring in something i don’t love because i don’t love anything. i live away from my family – which is and has been broken for eight years, my mother so depressed she can barely hold a conversation that isn’t self-deprecating and shame-laden, my dad so lonely that it’s physically painful to speak to him, my younger brother so, so angry – and my two friends, who are the only meaningful […]
This entry is somewhat of a re-cap of things I’ve posted before, but I feel that I can’t say it enough. I hope those of you who read this understand that I’m not preaching or exaggerating. On the contrary, I suggest you do your own research and make decisions based on your own findings. I believe that society has failed this generation far more than this generation has failed society. I believe that this culture is probably beyond repair and has been for quite some time. I believe it started at the dawn of civilization when man invented religion. Society condemns itself without question. The […]
hello, Â I’ve been sad for quite some time, I’ve attempted to commit so many times, so many different ways. Here’s alittle bit of my background, I was inlove, I had friends, I had a good job. Everything is gone, I’m not happy anymore, life has manage to take everything away from me. Did I cause this? was it my fault that everyone is gone? For the past week I have been researching on different ways to commit, I came across this website and here I am, making my first post.
I think I felt inlove with my eyes close. I knew it was true love, I […]
I have been unafraid of dying for quite some time now, many months in fact!
I now live a life of selfishness, indifference and meaninglessness all rolled into one. It is all pointless, and in this I seem to have found a way of staying alive. It will not last long though I think, but give it a try, if not for a bit.
Enjoy
Not sure why, but I just dont want to be alive anymore. I get depressed like this so much, and I just want it to stop. I have thought about suicide way too many times and its just ridiculous to me that I would let myself get this way…. I just dont see anything good in my future. I wish I had to power to give my life to someone else who really does want it, because I dont. Have you ever kinda hoped someone would mug you? nah? I have. I’ve been waiting for quite some time for something to happen to me, where […]