I’ve had depression for about 2 years now, and i finally thought i was actually getting better, until about 3 days ago…it all started again, the constant bullying, verbal abuse off family, I’ve lost practically all my friends…I get called ‘cutter’ or ‘suicidal freak’ at school, no one can accept me for who I am…I think about it every night. I stare at the bottles of pills, the razor blades and think should I do it? I’m not scared. I’m not scared whatsoever, its just like going into a long sleep and having an amazing dream, apart from you’ll never wake up, and tonight something […]
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Razor Blades
Everyday I think about what it is like to succeedin life. Â Tonight I am sitting here and thinking that I have had enough. Â I am sick of not being able to achieve anything or make anyone proud of me. Â Since I was 14 all I have known is negativity, suicide thoughts, razor blades and lonely nights lying in bed with blood dripping from my arms and wrists. Â With a life like that, I want out. Â I am sick of no one listening.
it used to be that we were together
told everything to one another
we never kept a thing away
even when it came to our razor blades
we had the oddest friendship
bandaging the bloody mess
that was our arms
the reflection of our hearts
we were different in every way
from the way we looked to why we’d lay
in dark rooms with blood running down
sleeping peaceful in each others scarred up arms
you were quite
while i would scream
your words were mine
my tears were yours
forever be in our course
once to many
time to say
we tried to stop
why we felt […]
May 8, 2013
Today is the day that the (I guess you can call it “my”) story is written.
Now i’m 19 years old. My body a nest for scars and memories that should have been long forgotten. Not all scars have stayed with me, and i hope that one day i’ll be free from them all. The sad reality of it is that some of those scars will never leave my skin, and always be a reminder of what i have done. It’s been mere days shy of 6 months without cutting myself for the relief that i have so desperately wanted during this time. The […]
it’s been 17 fucking years.
in all honesty i can’t wait until it ends. 14 cuts this morning, more soon to come. starving myself, pulling out my hair. what a great way to spend my birthday.
anyway, im losing everybody, which is what i want even though it hurts. i dont want anyone to live for so i could finally just fucking die. my birth day isnt a happy day, i’d say its the worst day of my life tbh. all i want is a nice new pack of razor blades…..
I have been cutting since my 7th grade year. I don’t really know why I started  or what caused me to feel cutting was a good way out. All I know is that I used cutting as an escape for my pain which then turned to an addicting habit. A girl I knew, Raiyanne used to put small razor blades in her compact mirror and cut whenever she needed a release at school. I don’t know why I decided to cut but that became my way of doing it. My wrists are scarred up so bad from cutting that I’m not even sure how I […]
Hey, my name is Jack.
today has been a pretty shit day, just like every other day I guess. In year 7 is when it all started, my dad stopped being my dad.
Dad was working in the Air Force and previously worked in the navy for years, so he is a respectable man. Although while i was in year 7, he got discharged from the air force for injuring his knee and neck. Now I’m 18, I finished school last year, I hated school. I hated the teacher, I hated the education, i hated the school in general. Everyone is so stupid, i honestly felt like one of the smartest people in the […]
I lie awake at night and i think back when i saw razor blades and i was tempted to buy one. But i decided not too. I look back and think to myself “Why did not I buy it? Why did i stop myself” And i thought to myself there are no heroes, no one will save you from your depressing life. You have to be your own hero and save yourself. Because no one else will, and no one else will try, and as i lay here in bed i think to myself ” I am my own hero and I will save myself”
Don’t ask why I’m posting this, I’m bot persuading you not to do it. I’m showing you the only reason I’m alive.
Ok…here we go…:
You come home from school one day. You’ve had yet another horrible day. You’re just ready To give up. So you go to your room, close the door, and take out that suicide note you’ve written and re-written over ad over again…you take out those razor blades,and cut for the last time. You grab that bottle of pills and take them all. Laying down, holding the letter to your chest, you close your eyes for the very last time.
[…]
Why can’t I work up the goddamn courage? I want so badly to pick up my razor blades and cut away the pain, but all I can produce is a wimpy ass tiny nick because I’m too damn afraid.
I want so badly to take that bottle of pills and swallow them all, but whenever I’m alone I’m either too scared, or I’m crying too hard to unscrew the goddamn lid. I want to vent, but nobody wants to listen any more. It’s one thing to type it to complete strangers, it’s another entirely to tell the story of a thousand tears to my friend. Apparantly […]
Five hundred.
Five hundred and one.
Five hundred and two.
Five hundred and fifty.
Five hundred and sixty.
Five hundred and seventy eight.
The numbers are there, but I can’t help bursting into tears everytime I realize I’m not cutting deep enough. That I can’t. I know it’s a user problem but I blame my razor. The blades not sharp enough. That’s why I’m cutting so lightly. That’s why I haven’t been able to cut over a centimeter deep. I’d numb my leg like a post suggested, but that freaks me out.
It’ll never be deep enough. I’ll never be good enough to press harder. […]
I really want to cut.. Anything to numb the pain. I’d kill just to be able to find a single blade.. Anyone know any other ways besides razor blades? I’m just.. Really sick of everything. I’d rather cope this way, than any other way. My depressions been way too crazy lately. Help me out anyone?
I’m two faced, one good one bad. I hate it. I was suicidal, a smoker and an alcoholic for some time. Im only 13. I was in a hospital a few weeks ago for suicidal thoughts & attempts. I still hate myself, but I realize that if I commit suicide, I won’t ever rest. There, I met amazing people with problems. They made me stop hating myself by a little, and spending time around them helped give me a new insight to life.
My mom & I have never been on good terms, & when we finally were, I thought that now i could kill myself […]
I feel like that again. Like all I can do is cry. And be depressed. And hate myself. My tears feel like razor blades. My heart aches. Yet again, I’m not who I seem to be. I’m empty. I’m scared… I want to be gone, so no one has to deal with the pathetic excuse for a person that I am. And so I can be done with this. Disgust is the only thing I see in myself. I’m the one who made myself like this. And there is no way to fix me. I depend on pills to keep me alive, to numb my […]
I did not, you see, want to kill myself. Not at that time, anyway. But I wanted to know that if need be, if the desperation got so terribly bad, I could inflict harm on my body. And I could. Knowing this gave me a sense of peace and power, so I started cutting up my legs all the time. Hiding the scars from my mother became a sport of its own. I collected razor blades, I bought a Swiss army knife, I became fascinated with the different kinds of sharp edges and the different cutting sensations they produced. I tried out different shapes—squares, triangles, […]
they say im in “la-la land.” i like it here, nobody’s mean to me. am i the happy girl everyone thinks i am? or is that just a shell that covers whats really there. do they think i dont care about not having friends? they could never be more wrong. if anyone knew i was really a depressed, suicidal, freak, than the rejection would be so much worse. i would love to kill myself and see if anyone noticed. even if they did, they wouldnt care. nobody cares. my whole life feels numb. i never really thought of myself as a cutter. i guess i […]
Well I have tried killing myself. I’ve slit my wrists, arms, legs, stomach, fingertips. I don’t want an identity. I have burned off my fingerprints but they grew back, no matter how many times I burned them off.
I don’t consider myself human.
I’m an alien.
I’m a redhead that lives in a small town full of Mexicans. I don’t hate them, I love my friends. But I’m an alien. I’m from mars and other people like me (gingers) are the reason why mars is red. I had to learn to make fun of myself at a very young age in order to live in this hellhole-of-a-town.
I’ve held a […]
Can’t believe I’m posting here. Thought I was over all of this. I’m 42 now. Lifetime of depression, anxiety, anorexia, and bulimia. I had gotten to a point where I had left a bad marriage, bought my own car, own house, raising my child, and held a full time very difficult job. I decided to change shrinks 1 week ago who suggested I do “talk therapy.” I went to 1 apt and have essentially fallen apart since that apt. This was totally unexpected. Apparently, I’ve been trying to hold everything together all these years…just keep going, just keep going, and follow the routine is what […]
Too many of us simply forget that our little problems won’t result in the end of the world.
Whether you were touched or neglected as a child, dumped in extraordinary fashion as a teen, or had the weight of life crush the very breath from you as an adult won’t have a direct impact on anything as a whole.
More of us need to realize this, I think, because then confronting the issue should be a bit easier. Be more free to try new approaches to your various problems, have the courage to speak up and say what’s on your mind. Have the strength to keep […]