I’ve always thought about killing myself. It’s been the one consistent character trait I’ve had since I was three, and I don’t know why I feel this way. Today at work, I realized that suicide seems to be the only way for me to go. I don’t know when, where, or why, but it’s all I have. I don’t have friends, I have people that I call friends, but I don’t have the emotional fortitude to have any real emotion for anyone. That is relatively new, it started when I was seventeen. Now here I am, 21, on a suicide blog. I don’t want to […]
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Real Emotion
So I don’t think my story has a happy ending, but at the very least I can’t realize it anymore. Thanks to my good friends/new band mates I guess I’m doing better. Let me explain, I am no longer suicidal, just bitter not that I realize it. I don’t know if turning to drugs was the right choice necessarily but being ripped out of my head makes things much easier to deal with. I don’t know, I still want to not exist but not being in my own mind makes it easier, and expressing through music gets my message out in a vague way that […]
This feeling it hurts a lot I wish it would go away. Everyday I wake up pretending to be happy putting on a fake smile for everybody to see. I feel so alone and unwanted by everyone no one understands they or love me . Just tolerate me or push me to the side. I seem to cry every night the days are getting longer and I think that is if I hurt myself I would feel some type of real emotion. Or maybe just that one step into the street can end everything. Poof! I’ll be gone and life can continue like it always […]